Author Topic: On Caregiving  (Read 73682 times)

Offline serious crayons

  • BetterMost Moderator
  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 18,317
Re: On Caregiving
« Reply #320 on: September 04, 2018, 09:07:33 pm »
I think these days most people keep the china packed away whether they have small children or not. That's why nobody wants to buy it.






Offline Brown Eyes

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 10,375
Re: On Caregiving
« Reply #321 on: September 04, 2018, 10:28:45 pm »
Hey Friends,

I'm jumping in to this thread... maybe for the first time?  For selling things like china and silverware, etc. I would recommend maybe looking beyond estate sale people and try to find a good local gallery or auction house.  Most regions have at least one or two good auction houses, and you may get better results.  Or... even have an antique dealer look at what you have.

Also, that's very cool K!  I didn't know your Mom was an artist.
the world was asleep to our latent fuss - bowie

Offline serious crayons

  • BetterMost Moderator
  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 18,317
Re: On Caregiving
« Reply #322 on: September 05, 2018, 08:51:16 am »
Hey Friends,

I'm jumping in to this thread... maybe for the first time?  For selling things like china and silverware, etc. I would recommend maybe looking beyond estate sale people and try to find a good local gallery or auction house.  Most regions have at least one or two good auction houses, and you may get better results.  Or... even have an antique dealer look at what you have.

Thanks for the suggestion, but I don't think anyplace would be excited about china and silverware because so many people have them. I talked at length to a guy who runs an antique consignment shop and he can't even find a place for his own silverware.

Quote
Also, that's very cool K!  I didn't know your Mom was an artist.

Thanks, A! If you'd asked her, she'd have told you she was an advertising copywriter, but she had studied both advertising and art in school and for an amateur painter she was very good.

I have to go into work, but later I'll try to remember to post a couple of her photos.

So glad you've decided to visit, A!  :D




Offline Front-Ranger

  • BetterMost Moderator
  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 25,228
  • I'm marching for her!
Re: On Caregiving
« Reply #323 on: September 05, 2018, 12:14:17 pm »
R.'s mother fell yesterday and couldn't get herself back up. She wasn't wearing her Medic Alert bracelet so she just had to lie on the floor until R.'s sister came for her usual daily check-up. Now, she's in the hospital. I had to give R. a stern talking-to because he was going on about his problems with his mom, his inability to make a decision about moving her out of the house, and going through a mental inventory of her belongings and what they would fetch. I tried to refocus him back onto his mom and sister. I don't know if it worked but he did go over and visit her in the hospital yesterday evening.

On Labor Day, I went to the hospital with R. to visit his mother. He had warned me that she "might be gone" before I could arrive, but we went anyway. I was so surprised to find her with good color in her cheeks and talking, although not very clearly. We visited for about 30 minutes with 3 other relatives in the room and I could see that it agitated her when we all talked amongst ourselves. The family talked in one corner about arrangements and logistics while I talked with Mary. We came back after having a late lunch and it was much easier, just the 2 of us with Mary. I got R. to reminisce about growing up in that neighborhood and I could see that she was listening closely. When we left, I told Mary that R. would be back to "regale you with more stories about Littleton" and she gave a happy smile!

So, late that night, Mary died peacefully. Once again, I predicted wrongly. I thought she would recover and be around for many months, perhaps even years.
May 2019 be better for us all.

Offline serious crayons

  • BetterMost Moderator
  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 18,317
Re: On Caregiving
« Reply #324 on: September 05, 2018, 04:28:43 pm »
Wow, how nice that you were able to lift her spirits on her last day.  :)



Offline CellarDweller

  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • ********
  • Posts: 32,995
  • A city boy's mentality, with a cowboy's soul.
Re: On Caregiving
« Reply #325 on: September 05, 2018, 07:48:54 pm »
I'm sorry that R. lost his mom, but you gave him a great gift, a nice time of story-sharing with his mother one last time


Tell him when l come up to him and ask to play the record, l'm gonna say: ''Voulez-vous jouer ce disque?''
'Voulez-vous, will you kiss my dick?'
Will you play my record? One-track mind!

Offline Brown Eyes

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 10,375
Re: On Caregiving
« Reply #326 on: September 05, 2018, 08:59:48 pm »
Wow, that's very powerful Lee.  Very sorry to hear that she passed on.
the world was asleep to our latent fuss - bowie

Offline CellarDweller

  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • ********
  • Posts: 32,995
  • A city boy's mentality, with a cowboy's soul.
Re: On Caregiving
« Reply #327 on: September 07, 2018, 11:23:27 pm »
How is R. doing, Lee?


Tell him when l come up to him and ask to play the record, l'm gonna say: ''Voulez-vous jouer ce disque?''
'Voulez-vous, will you kiss my dick?'
Will you play my record? One-track mind!

Offline Brown Eyes

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 10,375
Re: On Caregiving
« Reply #328 on: September 17, 2018, 08:56:09 pm »
So, I'm jumping in with a puzzle I've been in with my best friend from my Pittsburgh years.  She and her husband were my very close best friends for almost the whole time that I lived in Pittsburgh.  We often spent Thanksgivings together, New Years, etc. hung out all the time.  She was a co-worker and helped me tremendously when I was job hunting - and as is often the case is the main one I'm friends with of the pair... I essentially became friends with her husband through her. And, I haven't had anything remotely like a falling out with either one of them.  And we still exchange gifts through the mail now that I've moved.

But, around the time that I moved, their relationship began for fall apart and they are going through a long rough break up though they are still living in the same house (it seems unhappily, but mostly for financial reasons).  Her father also died not long before I moved, and her elderly mother now lives with them.  Also, things have continued to be very rough at the museum where we both worked.  So, she's been under a lot of stress in various ways for the past couple of years.

When I first moved, we kept in good touch through texts, phone calles, facebook messages, etc. quite regularly.  But over the months it's been harder and harder to get a hold of her.  She can go many weeks before replying to simple texts or answering a voicemail.  I am actually quite worried about her and wish she would talk to me - I keep feeling like I should be doing something to help her with her stress.  And at the same time, I'm getting to the point of being very frustrated at not being able to get in touch very easily anymore - trying not to take it personally.  Often she will say, "I'm sorry I've been busy" when she gets in touch after a long lapse.

I guess I'm looking for advice about the best way to be a supportive friend in this kind of situation.  And, it some ways I don't know how to interpret her standoff-ishness.  I don't want the friendship to drift away or become distant... but it's hard when it's difficult to reach her!

Her husband is fairly active on Facebook so I feel like I'm in better touch with him.  Though I don't feel comfortable really asking him how she's doing since things are so difficult between them.  Awkward!

the world was asleep to our latent fuss - bowie

Offline Front-Ranger

  • BetterMost Moderator
  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 25,228
  • I'm marching for her!
Re: On Caregiving
« Reply #329 on: September 18, 2018, 12:11:25 am »
I think what would be good is to text and say "is ____o'clock a good time to talk?" and then call her. Be pretty assertive about it. Then, when you connect by phone, just mostly listen and ask questions. Talk for a short time. Then ask her, "is this a good time to talk?" Can I call again next week at the same time?" Set up a regular routine.
May 2019 be better for us all.