Author Topic: For Our New Members: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance  (Read 42509 times)

Offline twistedude

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Re: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #20 on: June 01, 2006, 01:12:04 pm »
Update: I got my Toshiba laptop fixed, and Brokeback now plays like an angel; I've written abiut 20,000 woirds of fanfiction, which is even geting read, and have a friend over on Dave Cullen who seems completely willing to give me free rides to any showing of Brokeback, and is funny and brilliant as well.

Otherwise, see Leslie Nicoll's (lNicoll)post on "Chez Tremblay," "I had a life, once..."

Sometime, this has to end....maybe I'll start writing about...me. Or my grabdfather.   Or my grandchildrern.
"We're each of us alone, to be sure. What can you do but hold your hand out in the dark?" --"Nine Lives," by Ursula K. Le Guin, from The Wind's Twelve Quarters

Offline beeple

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Re: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #21 on: June 10, 2006, 07:30:57 pm »
 Alot of the folks are not regular posters.   ie: low numbers.    Does this mean they came here looking for resolution and found it? 

you know the feeling you get when you come late to a party and all the food is gone and everyone has either run off, paired off or passed out?

i only watched this movie a little while ago..and i must admit that i'm a little sad that i've missed most of the heated discussions there seem to have been when the movie was still on the big screen..so yes i've come looking for resolution..have i found it? that is yet to be seen...

philip, if i am not mistaken, you are the big cahuna here..thank you for bm.net! and what you've written..it so has captured exactly the experience that i've had..and i am both glad and relieved that it seems to have been something shared by many!

The Five Stages of Brokeback Grief & Acceptance

1. Obsession & Isolation
...Most commonly heard phrase: “Just leave me alone right now.”

it was such a personal grief..the feeling of having lost something myself..and not another soul could understand it..

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2. Denial: The Answer Isn’t Out There
...are starting to write in forums just to make absolutely sure you have not just lost your mind
:)

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3. Questioning: Maybe The Answer Is Inside Me?
The ticket tearer at your local theater now calls you by your first name...But now you are driving them crazy by constantly discussing Brokeback Mountain...Except no matter how much you try and make them understand, the truth about Brokeback is that either they “get it” or they don’t. And that’s the problem. you “get it” because you’re “living it.”

*sniff* did not get to see this in theaters...but perhaps on Monday!  i am excited  :D
..and most people i know don't get it..or won't bother to try..and "living it" sucks when you are doing it by yourself...

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4. Realization & Reasoning: Your New Reality
Now you’ve realized what has happened. Something on the big screen has awakened something in yourself...“couldas, wouldas, and shouldhas.”

definitely a lot of those to think about lately..  :-\

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5. The Two Roads: Reinvest in a New Reality or Distract Yourself Until You Can Forget About It
...So why not surprise yourself some more and let’s work together to make some positive changes...
okay!

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The alternative, and I can sense this has begun to happen based on dwindling forum traffic on many sites devoted strictly to the movie itself, is to simply move on and put all of the feelings back in the box...
If you appreciated Annie Proulx’s story, why let that happen?

because it's scary...because maybe we all have a little of ennis inside of us that won't let us go..


thanks very much for this post..yes, it really did help with my perspective and a little smile in deed! :)




« Last Edit: June 10, 2006, 07:36:19 pm by beeple »

Offline Lynne

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Re: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #22 on: October 01, 2006, 12:21:53 am »
This thread deserves new life.
-Lynne
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Offline Phillip Dampier

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Re: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #23 on: November 27, 2006, 07:15:03 pm »
Yes it does... I wrote the original article just a few weeks after seeing Brokeback Mountain for the first time.  It took me a few weeks to actually piece together what in the world I was feeling, and to identify the different stages of the "process" of coping with the film.

Of course, everyone's reaction to the film will be different.  But this site was created not just as a place to endlessly discuss the film itself, but rather to use all of the energy and emotion the film provoked within us to finish the story in our own lives.  To use it as a catalyst for change, so that you won't be sitting around 20 years from now regretting things you were either too afraid to try or felt you lacked the confidence to make a success.  And that can be anything in your life, not just coming to terms with sexual orientation.

The risks of not taking the first steps towards fulfilling ones' life goals were illustrated in such a devastating way while Ennis clutched Jack's coat, realizing only then what could have been if he only had taken the chance.

Our community here is made up of people who are all going through "the process of change," and we're here to encourage, listen, and help you on your journey forward in anyway we can.
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Offline Katie77

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Re: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #24 on: November 27, 2006, 11:53:15 pm »
Brokeback Mountain is achieving mainstream acceptance and success in bringing two gay characters together in a way that connects with an audience far beyond the usual art house crowd.

For many people, that connection has packed an unexpected and powerful emotional wallop. Having allowed three weeks to pass since visiting Brokeback Mountain has given me some time to reflect on the stages I’ve been going through. If you’re still coping with an emotional overload, perhaps this will help provide some perspective and comfort, or at least bring a smile to your face.

The Five Stages of Brokeback Grief & Acceptance

1. Obsession & Isolation

These go hand and hand and occur most often just after seeing the film. You may find yourself taking a sick day (or more), withdraw from social events and friends, and instead dwell on the movie. That means lots of screen time in front of the computer Googing for as much information you can find about the film and hunting down forums in order to verify you have not just lost your mind. Most commonly heard phrase: “Just leave me alone right now.”

2. Denial: The Answer Isn’t Out There

You have now just spent more time on Brokeback Mountain than the characters did, looking for answers about what in the world is making you run this movie in your head over and over again. You have just watched the same 30 second clip someone posted online for the 10th time, ordered the soundtrack, read the short story, and are starting to write in forums just to make absolutely sure you have not just lost your mind because your mood isn’t getting any better just exploring the movie.

3. Questioning: Maybe The Answer Is Inside Me?

The ticket tearer at your local theater now calls you by your first name. Your friends, who haven’t seen or heard from you in what they call “ages” now greet you with “Dr. Livingston I presume?” The Amber Alert is called off. But now you are driving them crazy by constantly discussing Brokeback Mountain. And no, they don’t want to go to Old Navy with you to try out Denim outerwear.

Except no matter how much you try and make them understand, the truth about Brokeback is that either they “get it” or they don’t. And that’s the problem. you “get it” because you’re “living it.”

4. Realization & Reasoning: Your New Reality

Now you’ve realized what has happened. Something on the big screen has awakened something in yourself. It’s nothing that can be resolved with another viewing, regardless of how happy your local theater is to accept your $8 admission. Something about you has been brought to the surface. It could be your sexuality, your relationships, your accomplishments (or lack thereof), or just a sense that time might be running out for you to avoid the equivalent of My Dinner With Ennis, talking about the “couldas, wouldas, and shouldhas.”

5. The Two Roads: Reinvest in a New Reality or Distract Yourself Until You Can Forget About It

BetterMost is going to work best for people who are opting to reinvest in themselves. You don’t need to sit around and dwell on the negative things on screen reflecting the negative things in your life. The energy you invest in the depression and sadness for the characters is one thing, but do not allow it to earn interest in your own reality.

If there is something in your life that has gone for years without being dealt with, why not take the first step and deal with it starting today. You’ll be joining others who are starting right along with you. You were surprised to discover literally thousands of people just like you feeling many of the same things you’ve felt after Brokeback Mountain. So why not surprise yourself some more and let’s work together to make some positive changes.

The alternative, and I can sense this has begun to happen based on dwindling forum traffic on many sites devoted strictly to the movie itself, is to simply move on and put all of the feelings back in the box.

If you appreciated Annie Proulx’s story, why let that happen?
 


I hope you dont mind that I have inserted the entire initial post that you did here Phillip.....it will make it easier maybe for the newcomers to find it, without scrolling down, like I have just done....

Dont know how I missed this thread, but glad now that I have read it.....you certainly have combined all the feelings, that we all have in common.....I would be very surprised if anyone in this forum, has not felt at least one, and most probably have felt all of what you describe here.

As it was written way back in February, you were then obviously unaware, that these feelings were going to go on and on......I know with me, when I sit down and watch the movie again, for the umpteenth time, it all starts all over again....the difference from experiencing it now, compared to the first time, is that I too thought that I was "the only one" to feel that way, and even that I might be a little "crazy".......

Now I let the feelings take over without any fear, without any emabarrasment, without any wondering "why"......I know why it happens, I like why it happens and I have no doubt it will always happen....

I hope any newcomers to the board, get some satisfaction and explanation from your words....
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline calenloss

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Re: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #25 on: November 29, 2006, 05:32:41 pm »
There's a movement being born out of this movie - I love it!

I'm still in Stage 1 - absorbing every little piece of information I can get about this movie, forcing myself to think about various scenes, stills & words from the film just to experience the pain again because it's a good pain. It makes me feel like a real person. My generation is one ill with apathy & self-concern. This film makes me feel *real* emotions and emotions I can begin to identofy with.

Am I the only one who not only feels like he has lived the life of every one of those characters, but wants to, in a weird way, experience something like that? The love J&E had, though traumatic & ultimately tragic, was the best kind of love. The desperate kind, the one that when it's satisifed is like going to Eden & staying there for just the smallest while. I hope one day to have a memory like the embrace at the campfire, but with the luck to have held onto the one that produced it.

My flatmates will shoot me if I force them to watch yet another depressing montage from youtube or even mention Jake Gyllenhaal's name ever again. Damned shame!

Offline Phillip Dampier

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Re: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #26 on: November 30, 2006, 05:05:40 pm »
Am I the only one who not only feels like he has lived the life of every one of those characters, but wants to, in a weird way, experience something like that? The love J&E had, though traumatic & ultimately tragic, was the best kind of love. The desperate kind, the one that when it's satisifed is like going to Eden & staying there for just the smallest while. I hope one day to have a memory like the embrace at the campfire, but with the luck to have held onto the one that produced it.

My flatmates will shoot me if I force them to watch yet another depressing montage from youtube or even mention Jake Gyllenhaal's name ever again. Damned shame!

I think that's true for a lot of us as well.  I saw time on Brokeback as back to nature where distractions were few and one was forced into contemplating the company they kept because there was little else around to contemplate.  The wide open spaces, the quiet, the work outdoors, and the nights without books or television are often alien to most of us with so many distractions to choose from.

Anytime, even now, I drive into the countryside I immediately feel I am there, even though there aren't any mountains near me.  And yes, the emotional intensity of what is laid before us on screen is something I think a lot of us would like to have -- the passion of the moments spent together.  Of course, less emphasized were the months and months I'm sure both felt deep loneliness and sadness when they were apart, especially for Jack.
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Offline Brown Eyes

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Re: For Our New Members: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #27 on: December 01, 2006, 01:20:25 am »
What a great thread.  Thanks for highlighting it!
cheers
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Offline CarlaMom2

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Re: For Our New Members: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #28 on: December 03, 2006, 12:17:07 pm »
I love this thread!  New here and what you said was so true!  I thought I was wierd for not being able to get this movie out of my head.  I was looking whatever I could find online and then I found you all!! :)

Offline JT

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Re: For Our New Members: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #29 on: December 11, 2006, 01:12:35 am »
I love this thread too.  What I find weird is that I tend to jump back and forth among those stages, and sometimes I have more than one stages at the same time.  This movie is always in my head still, but I tend to accept that.  It consumes me but yet I can still function normally, I think.