Author Topic: For Our New Members: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance  (Read 42813 times)

Offline loneleeb3

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Re: For Our New Members: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #70 on: April 16, 2007, 05:58:59 pm »
So, how can we move on without losing the feeling?
I want o keep the positive aspects of what I'm feeliing to learn, grow and change.
But the sheer magnitude of the sadness is really dragging me down.
I', not eating (not necassairily a bad thing) I can sleep, I can't concentrate, I'm snappy and just want to be left alone to wrap up in a blanket in a dark room and watch the movie over and over just so I can see my boys.
I'm really losing it here. :(
"The biggest obstacle to most of us achieving our dreams isn't reality, it's our own fear"

"Saint Paul had his Epiphany on the road to Damascus, Mine was on Brokeback Mountain"

Scott6373

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Re: For Our New Members: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #71 on: April 16, 2007, 06:12:36 pm »
So, how can we move on without losing the feeling?
I want o keep the positive aspects of what I'm feeliing to learn, grow and change.
But the sheer magnitude of the sadness is really dragging me down.
I', not eating (not necassairily a bad thing) I can sleep, I can't concentrate, I'm snappy and just want to be left alone to wrap up in a blanket in a dark room and watch the movie over and over just so I can see my boys.
I'm really losing it here. :(

No you're not.  We all went through it.  The most important thing is for you to come to terms with why you are feeling that magnitidue of sadness.  It's not easy because you may have to face some unpleasant realities, but you have to do that in order move forward.

Offline Artiste

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Re: For Our New Members: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #72 on: April 16, 2007, 06:46:39 pm »
Thanks loneleeb3, and Scott!!

Loneleeb3, may I say that I still feel alone even if I have been on this site for months now,
and assure you that I am less and less in that loliness since many here help
in discussing Annie's story, the movie, the actors, and many in that (before, during and after),
as well as our/their personal lives as we want during the time desired and subjects started.

I am blesssed by you, Scott, and all the others here helping me!! Many others helped me too!!

And am happy too that they like my mutual help.

Concerning sadness, I looked many days only the happy parts of the movie, and this has helped me a lot.
Maybe, you might want to consider that too?? Plus daily, I searched and found clips (again as much as happy ones as possible on YouTube.com) since many persons from around the world did clips of the BM movie!! That helped me too... and still does!!

And, I watched dozens of times numerous days, months, even last week, two gay guys (twins) from Montana singing with a surprise, many surprises, and I noticed, as others did when I sent their (the twins) internet address,  that they make us happy , and not sad!! Raised in Montana, they (the twins) told their parents that they are gay, but the parents refused that... last year I think it was (I do not know if they still are refusing to accept that their sons are gay men recently); and, you can find out that their sister (and I think a brother too) accepts them (the twins)!! You want to see that?

Hugs to you, and to all!!


Offline loneleeb3

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Re: For Our New Members: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #73 on: April 17, 2007, 08:10:53 am »
I really need a hug! :'(
Just two arms wrapped tightly around me and a deep voice whispering in my ear "Lil'Darlin, it's gonna be just fine". Thats what I need about now!
"The biggest obstacle to most of us achieving our dreams isn't reality, it's our own fear"

"Saint Paul had his Epiphany on the road to Damascus, Mine was on Brokeback Mountain"

Offline Artiste

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Re: For Our New Members: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #74 on: April 17, 2007, 09:30:46 am »
Thanks loneleeb3!

You say:
I really need a hug!
Just two arms wrapped tightly around me and a deep voice whispering in my ear "Lil'Darlin, it's gonna be just fine". Thats what I need about now!
...

In replying, may I say that I find it great that you do want hugs!!
I hope that the comments you are receiving here are hug-full!!

Is that a song: Lil'Darlin, it's gonna be just fine". ?? You know all the words??

Hugs!!

Offline loneleeb3

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Re: For Our New Members: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #75 on: April 17, 2007, 09:44:50 am »
No, Ihadn't even thought of that song!
Thanks though! And a cyber hug is just great!
"The biggest obstacle to most of us achieving our dreams isn't reality, it's our own fear"

"Saint Paul had his Epiphany on the road to Damascus, Mine was on Brokeback Mountain"

Offline Artiste

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Re: For Our New Members: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #76 on: April 17, 2007, 09:47:36 am »
So that is a song??

Glad you like the hugs...

and I wish I could hug you in person!!

Why did Ennis do that in the shed, any idea?

Hugs!!

Offline Phillip Dampier

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Re: For Our New Members: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #77 on: April 24, 2007, 12:18:10 am »
Wow Phillip!
I am so glad I stumbled on to this thread!
I just sw the movie last monday so I am still in phase one.
It's hard to work or interact with my family. I feel like I m walking around in a fog. I haven't cried this much since my grandma died 13yrs ago.
Thanks for posting this I'm getting a grip on my grief but I'm havinga hard time deciding what to do next.

Yes, these are all familiar symptoms.  :)

In stage one, most people just want to learn as much as they can about the film and the story, learning all the details and understanding all of the nuances and meanings.  Usually, people don't try to figure out what they want to do next until they first understand what they just saw and what parts of their own life the movie is touching.  I spent at least ten days just absorbing as much as I could, and wanting to be around others who were going through the same thing so I could learn what they learned or saw.

It's like putting together the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.  You are not going to be able to do it in just a day.

For some of us, not having that emotional waterfall washing over us a year out is something we sort of miss now, but I suspect it's the intensity of the emotions we miss.  Sometimes life-changing moments come during the "kick in the pants" periods (something I also call a 'moment of clarity' when everything starts to click.)

Everyone responds differently and feels something different.  Some just have empathy for the characters - none of the situations in the film resemble their own lives.  Others are dealing with the sexuality issue.  For me it was the procrastination and not committing to making a life change and seeing what the potential results of that could mean down the road.  Some others have adopted a rescue mentality - they wanted to be essentially in the film knocking heads together and waking up the two of them: that sense of trying to grab hold of the power to change something in the face of utter powerlessness as the film moves forward.

What made me contemplate starting BetterMost wasn't to focus exclusively on the characters.  Ultimately, they are fiction.  To dwell upon the actors and the story alone misses the point.  There are real people (maybe in some ways ourselves) living these lives right now.  The goal here is to finish the story in your own life, or perhaps even help others in finding a path to a better life.

It's a process, as you've discovered.  Certain feelings you have right now will pass and you will miss them for their intensity.  But hopefully positive momentum in your own life will replace them.  Unfortunately, I promise that's going to be more subtle and it probably won't feel as amazing as the film's initial impact, but it's ultimately far better.  It reminds me of the relationships I've watched a lot of my friends get into.  You have that early infatuation phase where all you think about is that other person.  You can't think about anything else.  In time, however, those feeling subside and you begin to get some normality back into your life.  Some of my friends always mistake that loss of intensity as being the equivalent of "the thrill is gone/the feelings aren't the same anymore" and they actually break up with their girl or boyfriend.  What they don't recognize is the building of a subtle foundation in their lives as part of that relationship, upon which so many other things can now be built.  It's the foundation that will potentially last for your entire life, but they don't see that because it doesn't come in the same emotional package as the infatuation did.

For me, Brokeback is a lot like that.  The infatuation is over, but the incredible foundation it has now laid has made so many other things possible, from the amusing new interest in western and country music, to the interest in the life and culture of that region of the country, to the fact I've stopped missing opportunities and have taken a lot more chances than I've done in the past.  And I've met a ton of great people online here as well, and those friendships that are built go beyond the film and now are, more and more, part of a great new community.

It's a great journey to be on, no matter when you start!
You're a part of our family - BetterMost, Wyoming

Offline loneleeb3

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Re: For Our New Members: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #78 on: April 25, 2007, 03:06:57 pm »
Quote
Certain feelings you have right now will pass and you will miss them for their intensity.
I don't know, I sure wold like to stop crying everytime I see or think about the movie.
It just strikes such a raw spot in me.
I can't say enough about how glad I am I found my way home to bettermost!
I have to say I really love everyone here I have come in contact with and can't wait to get to know everyone better.
This place really is like a little hometown. Like a big extended family.
Thank you Phillip for making this possible. Thank you everyone else for making it such a nice place to be!
"The biggest obstacle to most of us achieving our dreams isn't reality, it's our own fear"

"Saint Paul had his Epiphany on the road to Damascus, Mine was on Brokeback Mountain"

Offline Artiste

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Re: For Our New Members: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #79 on: April 28, 2007, 11:55:24 am »
Thanks guys!!

Be assured that I feel like you do Lee!!

Sure helps communicating on this site!!

And maybe we can see persons in person too... reaching out that way as well.
Did you see that chap from GAYDADDIES yet,may I ask?
And other gay men?

Hugs!