Peak Brokie experiences

[serious crayons]

I've been thinking back on the 10 months since I saw BBM, and all the great experiences I've had in that time -- seeing the movie over and over, finding a group of people who were equally obsessed with it and equally excited about discussing it, exploring its amazing complexity and subtlety, making friends and finding a wonderful community.

So I decided to ask anybody who's interested, regardless of how long they've been here, to share some of their most exciting moments as Brokies. These could involve the movie itself, friendships, personal discoveries ... whatever has been great. I'm thinking more of specific events rather than gradual growth or general change, but whatever stands out for you will be welcome.

I'll start, with one of my earliest memories. I'd been on imdb for just a couple of weeks and had noticed some threads discussing the deep significance of clothing colors and numbers and little things like that. I didn't post on them or even read them very carefully, because secretly I thought, geez, people are getting a little carried away here  I'd seen the movie two or three times, loved it, but it seemed ridiculous to comb through minute details for meaning.

Then came what I think of as my "Helen Keller at the water pump" moment: opening up a whole new world that I hadn't known existed. I saw a thread -- started, I believe, by Casey Cornelius -- examining that tiny scene where Ennis is spreading tar and his coworker is blathering on and Ennis pauses to look off into the distance. I considered this scene pretty much a throwaway, there mainly to establish that Ennis was settling into married and work, stuck with a boring coworker, maybe realizing that life felt empty without Jack.

But Casey noted how the babbling coworker has just uttered the words "breakin my back" -- suggesting that it's the reminder of Brokeback that triggers Ennis' wistful reaction. Someone else pointed out that Ennis is wearing a blue-plaid shirt -- Jack's color -- as if Ennis is unconsciously expressing his emotions in, yes, his clothing choices. Someone else pointed out that Ennis must be thinking of Jack when he stares off into the distance ("Hell," this poster said, "I'm thinking of Jack when I stare off into the distance; of course Ennis is."  ) And people went on to talk about how Ennis stares off into the distance, usually into nature, in many other scenes when he thinks about Jack.

It was an epiphany. I realized, Wow, if this two-minute, unremarkable scene -- one I'd always assumed was there mainly to mark time passing -- could be freighted with that much meaning, imagine what depths the other 132 minutes must hold!  And of course I eventually learned that, yes, in this movie even apparently minor details like clothing color and numbers actually are extremely significant. Ten months later, I'm still discovering them. But that was the first big one.

[Ellemeno]

Great description, Katherine.  I like imagining how many posts of yours created these kinds of ah ha! moments for others. 


Sitting in the movie theater alone for the umpteenth time and hearing someone in the audience stifle a sob.

Sitting in the Aero Theater surrounded by actual Brokie buddies in the flesh, and actually gazing at Heath and all in the flesh too, at the same time.

Laying in bed that night in the motel, with henrypie in the other bed, talking in the dark about all we'd experienced that day.  Taking hold of her hand and puffing on her cigarette - no wait, sorry, that was Ennis and Jack, not me and henrypie.

Creating that Cowboy Etiquette with you all.  Have I ever been involved in something funnier?  And the BBM Scenes in emoticons thread (which still feels like losing the library at Alexandria or sump'n, I still hope it can be found intact somehow.)  Have I ever been involved in anything funnier AND more touching?

What's a matter with me, there's a thousand of 'em.  Why can't I think of more examples right now?

[nakymaton]

My peak experience was seeing two shooting stars just before dawn during my four-hour drive to see the movie for the first time.

I mean, seeing the movie was good, too, but nothing compares to a pair of shooting stars in the middle of an empty desert.

[southendmd]

Great thread, Katherine.  I like the idea of getting very specific.  

Here's one of mine:

Reading Annie's essay in the Story to Screenplay where she talks about how difficult it was to write the "dozy embrace" paragraph.  She mentions that she repeatedly listened to "Spiritual", an instrumental piece by Charlie Haden and Pat Metheney.

I had  that album!  It was the only CD by either artist that I had.  I knew  that music.  And, to think that Annie was listening to that while writing, and I was listening to that with friends, also in 1997!

I've posted this elsewhere, but here's an amazingly lovely video of "Spiritual" and the "dozy embrace" (in slow motion, no less) together.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yi6i8bfwV-w

Paul

[moremojo]

One peak experience for this movie buff was the realization, within a week or so of first seeing the film, that not only had I seen an unusually powerful movie that had quickly become my new favorite film, but I had just witnessed the single most important film ever made. There was a spiritual energy emanating from this work that was wholly new and excitingly dumbfounding in my experience; the artists behind this story and picture had tapped into the tragic heart of the human experience. If ever film deserved to be called a miracle, Brokeback Mountain would be it.

[Front-Ranger]

One of my peak moments also involves shooting stars. I had been chatting with rt and Mandy, and I had a wonderful time talking about many things important and trivial. When I finally said a reluctant goodbye to them and left the office I headed for home, driving hard by the hogback of red rocks and the famous amphitheater where I would soon go to see Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young. As I made my way up the grade towards my mountain home, two shooting stars plummeted through the inky black sky and I thought of my two dear friends as I watched them fade away.

[mlewisusc]

Yeah, I gotta go with Clarrisa on this one - the Aero theater experience in Santa Monica, and being two rows from the cast and crew.  I'm SO not a star-struck person, but it and dinner after was special, special, special.  What are we doing for our anniversary, Clarrisa?

[Ellemeno]

Yeah, I gotta go with Clarrisa on this one - the Aero theater experience in Santa Monica, and being two rows from the cast and crew.  I'm SO not a star-struck person, but it and dinner after was special, special, special.  What are we doing for our anniversary, Clarrisa?

When is the anniversary?  I think I'm going to both the Denver Memorial Day weekend BBM event, and the Alberta adventure in the summer.  You come too! 

[Shakesthecoffecan]

My Peak experence occured this past summer in the Big Horns, just west of Buffalo, Wyoming. It was at a camp fire, with Cowboy Wayne, Oregondoggie and Wyo_men, I believe, and I started hearing for the first time the story compared to the take of christ, hearing it described as one of sacrificae for the redemption of another.

It sent chills.

[Penthesilea]

My peak experience was also to connect to another person over BBM for the first time.
It was when I aked Kerstin (my only RL fellow Brokie) to see BBM for a second time in cinema. Sounds not like much, but hell, was I nervous about it.
Some of you already know it, but for the others: By that time, Kerstin and I didn't know each other well, we hadn't shared private things and didn't know much about each others lifes. It was more by chance that we had seen BBM together for the first time and we hadn't spoken about it afterwards (couldn't, as we learned later).

I thought she would think I'm totally nuts, but I had to see this movie a second time (little did I know then). I wanted to call her, but had put it off for days, because I was anxious about it. One evening we encountered and I decided to take the plunge and told her I couldn't get this movie out of my head. It turned out it was the same for her. She even had asked her mother and sister to go and see it with her, because she hadn't dared to ask me for seeing it a second time. She felt just the same as I did. And she also was too coward to admit it to me.

We laughed and talked about BBM and suddenly there was a new kind of connection between us. I remember when we parted I was so high on this feeling, I felt happy, happy happy. I smiled and grinned for the rest of the evening, other people asked me about it.

[Jeff Wrangler]

While I've had a lot of amazing experiences since last December, and many people have said kind things about some of my posts and about my fanfiction, the "peak," really has to be actually getting together and meeting fellow Brokies, in New York in April and in Boston in September.

First of all, when it comes to travel--even just the short distance from Philadelphia to New York--I'm pretty conservative. Hey, travel is expensive, and I don't do it much, only one or two vacations a year. So, for me, it felt like a big deal, busting out of a rut, to make those trips.

More importantly, I'm essentially a very shy person. I don't do well in "party situations" with groups of strangers. I hate fishing for small talk and I'm lousy at it. But the thing is, amazingly, on both of these trips, I immediately felt comfortable with all these strangers. I'm sure in some cases it helped that we'd been communicating on line for months, but I think the main reason was, we all, already, had something in common to talk about. No fishing to discover a common interest in order to have something to say to each other.

[mlewisusc]

Jeff, are you saying the most travelling you've ever done is around the coffee pot looking for the handle?

[Jeff Wrangler]

Jeff, are you saying the most travelling you've ever done is around the coffee pot looking for the handle?

I think Cape Cod is a little bit farther than that, but not much. Never been to Mexico, though, that's for sure! 

[RouxB]

Is it possible to peak more than once-given enough time? Since I have so many I'll have to the choose the one that brought me here. It was February and I was dealing with my father's surgery and illness. I was alone with minimal support but had Brokeback Mountain to keep me company. I had seen it 3 times in SB before leaving and spent much time on the internet watching and re-watching the trailer. One day I happened upon IMDb and my life changed. I found company and distraction and kindred spirits. Then the trolling began. I stuck with it however until that wonderful day I got a PM from Yaadpyar inviting me over to join the Tremblays. Those wonderful people saw me through a very emotional and scary time. I fell completely in love and saw my obsession truly blossom.

 

[serious crayons]

Is it possible to peak more than once-given enough time?

Absolutely! I assume many of us have had more than one great experience provoked by BBM, so when I said "peak" I wasn't referring to the absolute very best pinnacle moment, but to any or all moments that stand out as valuable experiences you wouldn't have had if it weren't for BBM.

So another experience that stands out for me is meeting Brokies in person. I've only met three: Front-Ranger/Lee, atz75/Amanda and Yaadpyar/Celeste. Each one was wonderul and unusual: encounters that were technically meetings between "strangers" who, it was immediately obvious, really weren't strangers at all. We quickly moved past the usual introductory small talk and got into substantive, interesting conversation. Now I count all three as permanent friends. And there are a number of other Brokies I count as permanent friends, too, whom I just haven't met in person ... yet.

[Penthesilea]

Absolutely! I assume many of us have had more than one great experience provoked by BBM, so when I said "peak" I wasn't referring to the absolute very best pinnacle moment, but to any or all moments that stand out as valuable experiences you wouldn't have had if it weren't for BBM.

You shouldn't have said this  . Now I will shower you all in tons of longwinded stories  .

No, I won't. For another absolute peak experience I need only few words: Euro-Brokie meeting in London last September.

So another experience that stands out for me is meeting Brokies in person. I've only met three: Front-Ranger/Lee, atz75/Amanda and Yaadpyar/Celeste. Each one was wonderul and unusual: encounters that were technically meetings between "strangers" who, it was immediately obvious, really weren't strangers at all. We quickly moved past the usual introductory small talk and got into substantive, interesting conversation. Now I count all three as permanent friends. And there are a number of other Brokies I count as permanent friends, too, whom I just haven't met in person ... yet.

It's noticable that for many of us, highlights of our BBM experiences are reaching out and finding connections to other people. Be it online or in person or both. This is a a great outcome of Ennis's and Jack's story.

whom I just haven't met in person ... yet.

Yep. If wishes were horses... (At school I learned the proverb goes "If wishes were fishes...", but wikipedia says horses. Anybody willing to enlighten me?)

[Meryl]

Yep. If wishes were horses... (At school I learned the proverb goes "If wishes were fishes...", but wikipedia says horses. Anybody willing to enlighten me?)

What's the second part of your "fishes" version, Chrissi?  The one I know goes "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride."   I don't think that would work for fishes. 

[serious crayons]

What's the second part of your "fishes" version, Chrissi?  The one I know goes "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride."   I don't think that would work for fishes. 

How about, "If wishes were fishes, we'd need lots of dishes"? 

[Penthesilea]

What's the second part of your "fishes" version, Chrissi?  The one I know goes "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride."   I don't think that would work for fishes. 

If wishes were fishes, I'd have a whole ocean.

One Web site says this is a Scottish proverb, another a nursery rhyme:

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride
If turnips were swords, I’d wear one by my side
If ifs and ands were pots and pans,
There’d be no need for tinkers’ hands.

If wishes were horses,
Beggars would ride;
If wishes were fishes,
We’d all have some fried.
(alternatively, “We’d all cast our lines”)

Hey, goadra, that's great. This rhyme contains both versions (although not the second part as I learned it). Seems my teacher at least was not totally wrong.

Thanks to the threesome of you anyway, whatever version is right. Maybe there's more than one correct version.

[Front-Ranger]

Nice to see you, Barbara. You've been too scarce here lately!!

[Front-Ranger]

I guess I would have to say that the highest peak of Brokie happiness I have experienced was talking with Annie Proulx. But the second highest peak is close by it. It was a dream I dreamed where my BetterMost friends were all in my living room. The room was dark, only illuminated by candles and the moon and starlight coming in through the French doors. I walked into the room, and I saw latjoreme and LauraGigs in one corner talking together, two Titian-haired beauties, and I smiled because I knew exactly what they were talking about, the mysterious and nearly indiscernable "I Love You." And outside the window I saw two coyotes in the desert, which I knew were Impish and me, running through the desert to the strains of Rufus Wainwright. I turned and saw EDelMar opening his geocache and showing it to Adrian, who cradled his horse in his arm like a football. And Marge was in the kitchen making tea, while Pete and Mel stood by the fireplace, Pete in his boots and Mel wearing her rain slicker. And in between us all moved other people, transparent and white in the moonlight, murmuring and gesturing. (If I had this dream again, I know Eric would be there in full color!) And Ennis, Jack, and Alma were there too, although it was Michelle, not Alma, smiling a broad lipsticked smile and with flowing blond hair. I went from one to the other, hugging each one and taking your coats, and telling you how beautiful you are.

[Lynne]

It's noticable that for many of us, highlights of our BBM experiences are reaching out and finding connections to other people. Be it online or in person or both. This is a great outcome of Ennis's and Jack's story.

Barbara - you said it, right there.  From my own perspective, there have been both peaks and valleys.  The swings in my mood seem almost bipolar between euphoria and utter despair.

Both peaks and pits are most certainly, inexorably, connected to relationships.  There are too many individual peak moments to count - I still get a little thrill when I see I have a new PM or see someone's posted I've been on the lookout for or I hear Phillip's voice on BBM Radio.

Three big peak moments stand out for me:

Seeing BBM at the Fox in Atlanta.  Prior to Atlanta, I had only seen BBM alone or with nonbelievers in a futile attempt to get someone in my real life to *see* me.  It was entirely different, viewing with people who were all experiencing variations of what I was going through.

The first night in Boston.  Walking into that room, seeing Eric - the only person I'd met before, instantly recognizing Leslie and RouxB and Jeff and ... knowing soul-deep that I was exactly where I belonged.

Leaving the Gustavo interview in Chelsea.  Standing on the street with Adrian, Meryl, Jenny, and John, feeling completely transformed, then looking up to see the full moon blessing us.  Again, visceral knowledge that I'm on the right path for me.

I must say, though, that these joyous moments have not come without a serious price.  The reason BetterMost is the forum for me is because of Phillip's vision - putting into practice Annie's point of 'finishing the story' in my own life.  Tell you what, it's not easy nor painless nor finished.  I'm going to go put some of that negative stuff in my blog - it doesn't belong in this thread.

Maybe like we can't have Jack without Ennis, we shouldn't expect to have the peaks without the valleys?

-Lynne

[serious crayons]

I guess I would have to say that the highest peak of Brokie happiness I have experienced was talking with Annie Proulx. But the second highest peak is close by it. It was a dream I dreamed where my BetterMost friends were all in my living room. The room was dark, only illuminated by candles and the moon and starlight coming in through the French doors. I walked into the room, and I saw latjoreme and LauraGigs in one corner talking together, two Titian-haired beauties, and I smiled because I knew exactly what they were talking about, the mysterious and nearly indiscernable "I Love You." And outside the window I saw two coyotes in the desert, which I knew were Impish and me, running through the desert to the strains of Rufus Wainwright. I turned and saw EDelMar opening his geocache and showing it to Adrian, who cradled his horse in his arm like a football. And Marge was in the kitchen making tea, while Pete and Mel stood by the fireplace, Pete in his boots and Mel wearing her rain slicker. And in between us all moved other people, transparent and white in the moonlight, murmuring and gesturing. (If I had this dream again, I know Eric would be there in full color!) And Ennis, Jack, and Alma were there too, although it was Michelle, not Alma, smiling a broad lipsticked smile and with flowing blond hair. I went from one to the other, hugging each one and taking your coats, and telling you how beautiful you are.

Beautiful post, FRiend! 

[Ellemeno]

If wishes were fishes, I'd eat fewer knishes.

If wishes were fishes, Alma might never have said, "Jack Nasty."

"You didn't go up there to wish..."

If wishes were fishes, I'd be one of the ones swimming through Lee's next group dream. 

[Noviani]

Nice thread!

mine is when i watched the movie for the first time, i was completely shocked when Ennis' last postcard was returned with stamped DECEASED!!

Hello!!!

i am not ready for a tragedy!

i had to open the dictionary to make sure what deceased means!(English is a foreign for me).
i guess the death is what dragged me to this stage. I don't like deaths because it is an ultimate closure. you can't have a second chance (unless you have an access to the next world. but most people don't have that).

i was and still I am upset for Ennis didn't have the gut to drop it all and be with Jack. how could he?

 still mad because their last camp finished with a nasty fight.

Like how we will remember Titanic, for loosing jack dawson, we will always remeber loosing Jack twist.

but at least Rose Dawson continued her life in a fulfiling way because Jack dawson had the chance to ask her to continue her life.

Jack never had that chance. and Ennis never had the chance to hear his last words...

this is an awful kinda story...

now i am upset again.

[Mikaela]

I posted these the other day but felt they weren't the kind of sublime and special small moments the thread was after. Then again, they sure were peak experiences to me, so I'll let them stay in here even so.


One "peak" certainly was finally getting to see the film for the first time. It was such a very long-expected, long-anticipated event when it finally happened......  I'd become aware of the short story and upcoming film in October 2005, read much about the film on the net in November, read the short story in early December, read much more online including discussions about story and film during December and the first half of January, saw clips, saw pictures; - and I built up such an immensely strong anticipation that I could hardly even think about other stuff! The film was to premiere here late January, and I was all set to go on premiere day of course - and then I ended up in hospital instead. And was totally bummed - about my illness certainly but I think mostly about not getting to see the film.  Then once I got out of hospital and back home I went the very next day with a friend to see the film. And despite all the knowledge, all the stuff I'd read, all the images, all the opinions, all the interviews, all the clips, all the excitement and anticipation.......despite the obvious risk that the final thing would eventually prove a serious let-down and a huge anti-climax after all that; - the film still managed to bowl me over so completely that I went around in a complete and utter daze for days afterwards.


The other Brokie experience I immediately thought of  is seeing the reunion kiss for the first time. God, did that make an impression. I couldn't believe the urgency and passion that poured out of that scene...... Someone posted a very small blurry version on the net, taken from the Logo Special, and I was mesmerized. Enthralled. Then a fellow Brokie sent me a bigger and better version clip via E-mail. I've still got the mail, it's dated December 9, 2005. It's got Ennis kissing Jack over and over and over and...... Well, I doubt there are many, if any, film scenes I've watched more times than that one. And it deserves to be watched - it hasn't paled much with time!

[Penthesilea]

It's noticable that for many of us, highlights of our BBM experiences are reaching out and finding connections to other people. Be it online or in person or both. This is a great outcome of Ennis's and Jack's story.

Barbara - you said it, right there. 

Thanks for agreeing here with me. But I'm not Barbara, I'm Chrissi 

[Mikaela]

An other small experience that still sticks in my mind is in connection with visiting a fellow Brokie in the UK. We went to see the film in her home town towards the end of the theatrical run there, as a prelude to our staying up all night, champagne at the ready, in order to watch the Oscars. Not knowing what was to come, we had a wonderful time at the cinema, and one nice little moment was when the guy selling us the tickets looked up at us and said, quite sincerely: I hope you've brought handkerchiefs. You're going to need them.  


Of course, what followed later that night doesn't belong in peak Brokie experiences but rather in "down in the dumps" Brokie experiences.  Then again, it was good to have someone right there to vent with and share the incredulous anger.

[tamarack]

One of my peak Brokeback experiences is on the lighter side (I was really ready to move on from the tears...)

I was invited to Nevada to visit someone I had met online because of Brokeback and we decided on a road trip. It was dark when we reached our motel the first night, and I was tired and not noticing much of my surroundings since I had just flown 2/3 of the way across the country on no sleep since the previous night. We said good night and went to our respective rooms.

I was awakened the next morning at 6:50 by a train whistle that was so close it  sounded as though the train was headed for my room. I moved the curtains to look out the window and on the other side of the tracks a semi was crossing in front of the mountains that were a couple of miles away.

Later when I went out to the lobby to meet my friend, I looked out the window and noticed a young boy with a backpack on, headed off to school on a unicycle (what's up with that?) and when we got into the car and took a left turn out of the motel parking lot, there was a Dairy Queen with an old black pickup parked beside it (no, not a GMC, but close enough).

Then we drove down the street and had breakfast at the Java Cafe (the actual lJava Shop in Fort Macleod is where Cassie told Ennis that "girls don't fall in love with fun"). Wait, it gets better...

It was pouring (I mean really pouring) when we got to the Mexican Hat Lodge where we were staying that night, so my friend braved the elements alone to go get the keys to the rooms. Looking through the rain to the inside of the motel I thought I saw a man in a blue shirt and black hat. When my friend got back to the car I asked him if there was a man in there dressed like that and he said, "No, there were two of them!"

Talk about a Brokeback day from start to finish...

 

[Lynne]

Thanks for agreeing here with me. But I'm not Barbara, I'm Chrissi 

Mea culpa, Chrissi!!!

[isabelle]

I could mention several, and the list would certainly not be complete:

The first, was 20 minutes after I'd come out of the theater, the first time I saw the film: I was driving back home, and I had to stop on the side of the road because I started crying so hard, I was howling, and simply could NOT go on driving. But it also felt good, in a way.

Nr 2 is when I chanced on the link to IMDb as I was looking everywhere on the net for stuff on BBM. Finding all these people to exchange tales of heartbreak, wonder, love, admiration with, was just magic.

[mvansand76]

Such wonderful posts, what a great idea for a thread!

I have so many, but I will mention two:

* Flying to England to see the movie with my sister and then sitting next to a woman who was knitting during the whole movie. The only times she stopped knitting was during the tent scenes! 

* 'Meeting' David (David925) on imdb and finding such a good friend in him and deciding together to go to Bettermost!