There is a lull, most of the agents have gone out into the heat to do god knows what. The phone is not ringing at the moment, but will no doubt, with the 548th call of the day from someone with a screaming baby wanting to rent a house. A moment, to relax, to breath. To wonder if I have been gritting me teeth all day or just the last hour or so.
Do you ever measure your life experence against Ennis and Jack? My partner did the first time we saw the movie. He said he was Jack, in so many ways. We don't live together. Partly because of my unwillingness to deal honestly with my family about what I consider to be none of their business anyway. Partly because I am unwilling to give up my home, unite my stuff with his stuff. I end up feeling like I am caught between two worlds. Not living in either.
A sweet life I do not see, and sometimes I think of what the character Mona Ramsey told her friend Mouse in "Tales of the City": "Sometimes I think all I really need is five good friends". I don't see his identifying with Jack automatically making me Ennis, maybe that is denial on me part. I dunno. Its a hard balancing act, and there are issues with both sides.
Yes, I am sabatoging my life.