Author Topic: My BBM poem: Jack's Dash  (Read 7304 times)

dmmb_Mandy

  • Guest
My BBM poem: Jack's Dash
« on: April 08, 2006, 08:39:04 pm »
I wrote it this evening, on a whim. Comments are appreciated.

Jack's Dash

Let me in
   His lips nearly mumble
As he traces the delicate lines of his lover's chest with his finger,
But they resist and quiver instead.

It's "the little things", they say,
And for a moment he can see it in his glazed eyes
But in a quick, gentle blink-of-the-eye, it's gone.
He lives for it,
And wonders to himself how much longer he can stand it.

I have demons too
   he thought,
And he wanted to take them between his fists,
Crush them into dust and blow them away.

He knows he can't keep him,
   But tonight, in the silence of their own little piece of the world,
   where the trees keep their secrets and the wind takes their words,
   he holds him hard, tight.

But now his lover fears no more,
Because the dash between his own cemented dates is done.
And now as he looks into the mountains
Into the distance that once grew and grew
But now grows no more,
He can hear Jack saying faintly
   I left, Ennis,
   but I never let go.
« Last Edit: April 08, 2006, 10:59:34 pm by dmmb_Mandy »

Offline Nicole

  • Brokeback Got Me Good
  • *****
  • Posts: 321
  • Nicole R.
    • MY MySpace Page
Re: My BBM poem: Jack's Dash
« Reply #1 on: April 08, 2006, 10:53:39 pm »
 :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

So sad!  Beautiful Mandy - captured the movie so well!

 :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
   Cowboys do it better

Offline Sheyne

  • Brokeback Got Me Good
  • *****
  • Posts: 960
  • I am pretty good with a canoe tho..
Re: My BBM poem: Jack's Dash
« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2006, 11:01:02 pm »


You are a talent indeed my girl!!  ;D

That's beautiful..  when we get us a board / forum for creative outpourings inspired by BBM (a la our drawings!!!!!) this is goin' in it!!

And is there nothing you can't inspire me to do?!?!?  *sheyne sits in front of notepad, tapping pencil to her lips*

I'm gonna have a go later..   ::)
Chut up!

EnnisDelMar

  • Guest
Re: My BBM poem: Jack's Dash
« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2006, 11:05:25 pm »
Very good Mandy. Beautiful.

dmmb_Mandy

  • Guest
Re: My BBM poem: Jack's Dash
« Reply #4 on: April 08, 2006, 11:32:47 pm »
Thanks you guys *hugs*. Lemme know when you write some Sheyne hun!

dmmb_Mandy

  • Guest
Re: My BBM poem: Jack's Dash
« Reply #5 on: April 10, 2006, 12:04:44 am »
bumping for Daniel to find! Lemme know what you think (you can PM if you'd rather)

Offline newyearsday

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • Brokeback Got Me Good
  • *****
  • Posts: 788
  • ponygirl
Re: My BBM poem: Jack's Dash
« Reply #6 on: April 10, 2006, 12:15:24 am »
Thanks, Mandy. I like the images and pacing a lot. I only have one question--in the last stanza or verse, "But now his lover fears no more,
Because the dash between his own cemented dates is done."


Is it Jack dashing between Ennis' cemented dates that you are referring to? As in, Jack is always the one moving to and fro according to Ennis' rigid offers of being together?

I just wanted to clarify it. It's beautiful. Sad.

 
Revelationtees--wear them for good. Profits go to the Matthew Shepard Foundation: www.revelationtees.spreadshirt.com & www.revelationtees.spreadshirt.net (for EU)
"One life, with each other..."

dmmb_Mandy

  • Guest
Re: My BBM poem: Jack's Dash
« Reply #7 on: April 10, 2006, 12:24:12 am »
That's a very good interpretation, Jenny. I love how people can take different things from poetry.
However, I actually meant Jack's life in general. The dash is his life, and it is between the cemented dates of birth and death, like on a tombstone. His dash is done because physically he lives no more.

Offline Daniel

  • Counsellor
  • BetterMost 1000+ Posts Club
  • ******
  • Posts: 2,139
  • I lost myself to him.
Re: My BBM poem: Jack's Dash
« Reply #8 on: April 10, 2006, 12:42:08 am »


   But tonight, in the silence of their own little piece of the world,
   where the trees keep their secrets and the wind takes their words,
   he holds him hard, tight.


 This is my favorite part, Mandy... The trees keep their secrets and the wind takes their words.... sends chills down my spine... You peaked me Mandy. :) It reminds me so much of the film especially because those two elemental images seem to so poignantly capture the characters of Ennis and Jack.
Why do we consume what we consume?
Why do we believe what we believe?
Why do we accept what we accept?
You have a body, a mind, and a soul.... You have a responsibility.

vkm91941

  • Guest
Re: My BBM poem: Jack's Dash
« Reply #9 on: April 10, 2006, 05:23:16 am »
Awwwhhh Damn it Mandy! :'(  You made me cry again!  Beautiful poem, every word.  You have a very tender heart and a natural gift of sharing it with others.

dmmb_Mandy

  • Guest
Re: My BBM poem: Jack's Dash
« Reply #10 on: April 11, 2006, 06:33:46 pm »
Daniel & Vic, thanks so much for your comments, MUCH appreciated. Poetry only works if it reaches and really touches someone.  :-*

Offline delalluvia

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 8,289
  • "Truth is an iron bride"
Re: My BBM poem: Jack's Dash
« Reply #11 on: April 11, 2006, 08:04:16 pm »
As he traces the delicate lines of his lover's chest with his finger   ???  Um, I'm having trouble with this line's imagery.  What is it supposed to refer to?  Or am I being too anatomical?

Offline Lumière

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 9,283
Re: My BBM poem: Jack's Dash
« Reply #12 on: April 15, 2006, 03:10:36 pm »
I wrote it this evening, on a whim. Comments are appreciated.

Jack's Dash

Let me in
   His lips nearly mumble
As he traces the delicate lines of his lover's chest with his finger,
But they resist and quiver instead.

It's "the little things", they say,
And for a moment he can see it in his glazed eyes
But in a quick, gentle blink-of-the-eye, it's gone.
He lives for it,
And wonders to himself how much longer he can stand it.

I have demons too
   he thought,
And he wanted to take them between his fists,
Crush them into dust and blow them away.

He knows he can't keep him,
   But tonight, in the silence of their own little piece of the world,
   where the trees keep their secrets and the wind takes their words,
   he holds him hard, tight.

But now his lover fears no more,
Because the dash between his own cemented dates is done.
And now as he looks into the mountains
Into the distance that once grew and grew
But now grows no more,
He can hear Jack saying faintly
   I left, Ennis,
   but I never let go.

 :'(

Cheers for sharing this Mandy!  This part is heart-breaking:

<< He can hear Jack saying faintly
   I left, Ennis,    but I never let go.
>>



Offline DeeDee

  • BetterMost 1000+ Posts Club
  • ******
  • Posts: 1,155
Re: My BBM poem: Jack's Dash
« Reply #13 on: April 15, 2006, 03:12:56 pm »
 :'(
In America sex is an obsession.  In other parts of the world it is a fact.

Marlene Dietrich

Offline SFEnnisSF

  • BBM Radio Program Director
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • BetterMost 1000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 3,548
Re: My BBM poem: Jack's Dash
« Reply #14 on: April 16, 2006, 12:50:44 am »
Awh hell, I'm sobbing again.

dmmb_Mandy

  • Guest
Re: My BBM poem: Jack's Dash
« Reply #15 on: April 16, 2006, 01:16:33 am »
Thank you all  :-*

delalluvia: the lines = the lines of one's nipples or the lines around one's pecks, for examples.