Was: Laramie Tales: New Working Title: Tales of Greenlea County (ARCHIVE)

[louisev]

what you were hearing was the sound of Louise *SNORING* because she stayed up way too late last night !!!  and I will be out today visiting and watching movies with my friend Jane tonight.  But I will be back either late tonight or tomorrow and get on with the show...!

[louisev]

I have read carefully all of the comments everyone has made in the development of this story, and no, I didn't think that there would be another episode of Ennis's mourning here, but it occurs to me now something I have observed in myself and also in more than one widower friend I have known who lives long term with the loss of a loved one.  Ennis got through his legbone with mild to moderate frustration, adapted to it and became relatively stoic and accepting.  But for Ennis, a period of sexual abstinence and even solitude is nothing new - he practiced that for years and years!  At the beginning of his legbone he was frustrated and unhappy, and it was during that time, when his sexual relationship with Ellery was threatened, that they made their vows.  And then he entered an old yet familiar condition of abstinence and solitude - or at least, partial solitude.  I have heard it said again and again that stoic people can get through hard times, because they are used to them, and Ennis's life was one hard time after another.

Then - he got better, and he has positive things to look forward to, new horse-training opportunities and security at his job, a joyful sexual reunion, and that ring on his finger - and everyone wants to celebrate.  But Ennis doesn't know anything about celebrations or happiness.  One of the earliest lines in Brokeback Mountain is "They were injured to the stoic life."  He is not inured to sudden joy and happiness, and so he falls back into his grief.  It is when things go RIGHT that he falls apart, because that is when he has the space in which to grieve. Nothing threatens, no unhappiness looms for him to grapple with and endure.  In this sense - hardships and problems seem right, and it is bliss and happiness that seem wrong, and that is when Ennis suffers most.

[Bigheart]

I have read carefully all of the comments everyone has made in the development of this story, and no, I didn't think that there would be another episode of Ennis's mourning here, but it occurs to me now something I have observed in myself and also in more than one widower friend I have known who lives long term with the loss of a loved one.  Ennis got through his legbone with mild to moderate frustration, adapted to it and became relatively stoic and accepting.  But for Ennis, a period of sexual abstinence and even solitude is nothing new - he practiced that for years and years!  At the beginning of his legbone he was frustrated and unhappy, and it was during that time, when his sexual relationship with Ellery was threatened, that they made their vows.  And then he entered an old yet familiar condition of abstinence and solitude - or at least, partial solitude.  I have heard it said again and again that stoic people can get through hard times, because they are used to them, and Ennis's life was one hard time after another.

Then - he got better, and he has positive things to look forward to, new horse-training opportunities and security at his job, a joyful sexual reunion, and that ring on his finger - and everyone wants to celebrate.  But Ennis doesn't know anything about celebrations or happiness.  One of the earliest lines in Brokeback Mountain is "They were injured to the stoic life."  He is not inured to sudden joy and happiness, and so he falls back into his grief.  It is when things go RIGHT that he falls apart, because that is when he has the space in which to grieve. Nothing threatens, no unhappiness looms for him to grapple with and endure.  In this sense - hardships and problems seem right, and it is bliss and happiness that seem wrong, and that is when Ennis suffers most.

That is just so terribly sad, Louise. Do you think that with time, a lot of time, he'll be able to get past this?

[pastorfred]

As Wes pointed out, this isn't all about Ennis, only. Or as my husband would say, "There is no I in COUPLE." LOL Ellery obviously has very strong feelings, too, and I don't think it is an issue that he and Ennis are in opposition on this...but that is the way it is feeling right now.

L

Congratulations to the Tonster for using a wonderful analogy where language represents reality! I'll probably use this "no I in COUPLE" in pre-marital counselling.

At the same time, I would point out that there IS an I in FRIEND, and that may be one reason for the importance of friendship in all kinds of love relationships. The inner self of each friend is affirmed and healed.

[belbbmfan]

Friends,

i just want to say thank you for a your touching and insightful comments. I love reading them. They bring the story even more to life (if that were possible of course!). If only Ennis knew just how many people really care about him and want him to be happy! 

thanks! 

[mariez]

Thanks for that mature and insightful response Leslie. Everything you say is true. They are babes in the wood clinging to each other for support. God that thought really pushes my emotional buttons!

God, I love you people - you're all great!  I found all the comments so enlightening and enjoyed reading them so much!  Thank you all! 

All of this really does push our emotional buttons!!  The Pollyanna in me won't allow me to take anyone to task too harshly in this impossible situation where everyone involved is really just trying to do the right thing - as they see it at that moment - and where everyone is acting out of love and concern!  All human beings are works-in-progress, Ennis and Ellery included - so I like to believe there is always hope for growth and change and a deeper awareness.

Have a good time today, Louise!  I hope you relax - you deserve it after the emotionally draining writing day you had yesterday!

Thanks  - Marie

[louisev]

That is just so terribly sad, Louise. Do you think that with time, a lot of time, he'll be able to get past this?

I can only speak for the people I know... it is a rather slow slog, with lots of sliding back but yes... you do get past it.

[gn411]

Ennis mourned for two years in silence, its only been a short time that he has been able to wear this emotion on his sleeve so - to - speak.  So many things are new to him emotionally.  Ellery knows that Ennis came with alot of baggage.  And Ennis himself knows he needs to deal with it. Ellery's dedication and perserverance is very admiralble. I look forward to seeing how the guys work this all out!

[magicmountain]

I can only speak for the people I know... it is a rather slow slog, with lots of sliding back but yes... you do get past it.

I have heard people say that the hole remains, you just learn to work round it.

[pastorfred]

I have heard people say that the hole remains, you just learn to work round it.

That's really well said. It's a good description of my experiences with loss and grief.