Would you have lasted 20 years?

[Rayn]

Love is a Force of Nature! 

     The depth of those words may be lost because of simplicity of the statement.  I believe that true love, the unconditional kind, when you surrender to it, when it takes hold of your entire being, isn't a choice as much as some people imagine.  The choice is in the surrender to it, but then we embody it and it becomes a part of us, it becomes flesh, blood, memory, emotions, mind.

   My experience of this love is that it isn't momentary; it isn't over in a few months or years, it last forever and if you know it, you know "a foretaste of heaven"... if there are such places in some afterlife. 

     Is that something a person can walk away from, not usually.  Is it something a person will do almost anything to keep?  Yes.  Jack and Ennis both knew it.

     Life is never just joy and pleasure; there's always some measure of suffering and discomfort one has to bear without a doubt and real love is one of the great mysteries of comfort, strength, power and pleasure that makes it worth the pain. 

     I identify with Jack strongly because I have been fortunate enough to have known real love in this life and I know what he was feeling.  It can happen to you at any time in life and, I say again, we don't have as much control or power over "it" as it has over us. 

     Twenty years for a taste of eternity every month or so?  Yeah, it's worth hanging out for that.  Had Jack not met with the untimely end that he did, he would have met Ennis in November.   I have little doubt of that... nor did Jack.

May the "force" be with you... opps isn't that from "another movie"...
Well, it works here too, huh?

Love,
Rayn

[ProwlAmongUs]

I've lasted eleven years so far, but I see my Ennis almost every weekend. I have to confess that I get lonely during the week many times and need the affection I only get periodically. It's not an easy life, but good guys who will stick by you through trouble are difficult to find. Most are of the opinion that if you have baggage, leave it behind, or they don't want you. Well, no one is perfect and we all have SOME baggage. Many gay males are looking for a fantasy man who will never exist. Sometimes you have to accept a situation for what it is and go with it. Who we fall in love with is not always rationally determined; in fact, it seldom makes any sense. As my partner is fond of saying, "Who else would put up with either of us but us?"  He's pretty much on target...

[Jeff Wrangler]

Ennis and Jack have become as much a part of me as my own flesh and blood. I will never be over them, and I will never quit them.

That said, if I had been Jack, or in Jack's position with someone else, there would have come a profound change after Ennis's divorce. Would I have cut Ennis out of my life competely? Probably not, because I'm mindful that just as Jack was Ennis's best friend, Ennis was also Jack's best friend.

I write this as someone who never completely or entirely stops loving someone I have been in love with. But for me the passion does die down. Had I been Jack, the passion would have begun to die when I realized, in the wake of Ennis's divorce, that he was never going to change, even now that he no longer had the excuse of his marriage.

I may well have continued to get together with my best bud once or twice a year--though maybe skipping a year now and then--continuing to make the drive to Wyoming because I would have continued to combine those trips with visits to the folks in Lightning Flat.

And maybe we would have even remained "friends with privileges (horrible phrase!). But the passion would have died, and the confrontation at the lake would have never taken place. I would have been justifiably annoyed at Ennis for waiting a whole week without saying one little word about August, but by then I wouldn't have had enough passion any more to get really angry at Ennis. There would have been no analogies to trying to see the pope, no "goddamn bitch of an unacceptable situation." For me, by that point, it would have come down to, "I'm really sorry to hear that, Ennis. Well, guess I'll see you in November." Or, if I didn't want to get together in the friggin' cold, "See you next spring some time."

So my passion wouldn't have lasted that long, but I probably would not have cut Ennis out of my life.

[DecaturTxCowboy]

My next t-shirt is gonna be....

[TJ]

If I were going by what Annie Proulx wrote in her short story and what Ennis Del Mar said to Jack Twist in the Motel Siesta in Riverton, Wyoming in June 1967, and I were in an identical situation with a guy like Ennis Del Mar, that night in the motel room would have been my last time with such a guy.

Some of Ennis's Motel Siesta dialog was scattered thoughout the rest of the movie.

Even Ennis implied on the night of June 24, 1967 that he was not even in love with Alma Beers. He just felt that he was stuck being married to her and there was no way that he could leave her. He did say to Jack that night, "Alma? It's not her fault." What was not her fault?

[moremojo]

Ennis and Jack had everything -- admiration, respect, affection, longing, intense physical attraction, etc. Everything except time.

Beautifully expressed. The men's mutual respect is an element that is rather under-discussed, but nonetheless very important. I sense it most keenly when we see the two riding horses together, in the sequence immediately following Ennis's Thanksgiving debacle. Many have commented on the quiet sadness of this scene, but the deep, lasting respect is definitely there as well.

[jpwagoneer1964]

Every time I watch BBM the one question in the back of my mind is whether I would have hung in for 20 years like Jack did. I'm not saying that Ennis was doing anything wrong. I completely understand what he was struggling with. The scene where he is dry heaving and punching the wall says it all.
I just keep thinking, though, how many times Jack put himself out there for Ennis and how many times Ennis pulled away or just didn't reciprocate. Jack said to Ennis, "Tell ya what, the truth is... sometimes I miss you so much I can hardly stand it." All Ennis did was look down. He said nothing in response. He didn't even lean over and hug Jack. At their reunion at Ennis' apartment the audience can clearly see the intensity of their passion. It must have been enough for Jack to hold on to hope all those years.

Even though we did not see Ennis's response, you know there was one and how he felt from the very next scene, asleep with his arms around Jack.

[welliwont]

Even though we did not see Ennis's response, you know there was one and how he felt from the very next scene, asleep with his arms around Jack.

Well let me respectfully disagree.  I most certainly do not know that there was one (a response from Ennis after Jack says, "... sometimes I miss you so much I can hardly stand it").  If there was a response by Ennis, we would have heard it, IMO.  What kind of a filmmaker leaves out half of the character-defining dialogue in the most emotion-driven scenes of a movie?

I did not hear a response, and I sure would have like to have heard one!  As far as having his arm around Jack when they were sleeping, I do not equate that with a response to Jack's heartfelt admission.  Of course they slept together holding each other, they loved each other, it was their last night of that trip together....

The fact that Ennis does not respond to Jack's sorrow really lowers my opinion of him...

Jane

[kminmn]

I wouldn't have made it for 20 years.  I did have a relationship kind of like this once and it ripped me apart.  We were together for a little over a year and he said it wasn't working (it was a religion thing), but we loved each other and wanted to try to remain friends.  This was my first true love and I guess a part of me refused to believe that this could keep us apart, that he would change his mind.  So, we kept hanging out and trying to be "just friends".  Let's  just say the being "just friends" thing only worked about half the time.  However, I came to realize that it was always on his terms and when he needed it.  After four years I decided that I couldn't take it anymore.  He wasn't going to change and I needed him to.  I also knew that I needed to find someone who would give me what I needed and that wasn't going to happen with him around.  So, as much as it hurt, I walked away.  It took moving away but that is what I did.  We kept in touch for awhile through phone calls and letters because it was just too hard to completely have him be gone, but eventually we quit even that communication.

I have to say that I am one of the people who believe that Jack decided to "quit" Ennis after their last trip.  He would have loved Ennis to the end of time, but I think he was going to let him go.  Part of me always wondered how he lasted as long as he did, especially after the divorce.  How do you go on with that kind of pain, no matte how much you love someone?

It's been almost 14 years since I walked away from my first love and I can honestly say that not a day has gone by that haven't thought about him.  I also know that I did the right thing.

[jpwagoneer1964]

Well let me respectfully disagree.  I most certainly do not know that there was one (a response from Ennis after Jack says, "... sometimes I miss you so much I can hardly stand it").  If there was a response by Ennis, we would have heard it, IMO.  What kind of a filmmaker leaves out half of the character-defining dialogue in the most emotion-driven scenes of a movie?

I did not hear a response, and I sure would have like to have heard one!  As far as having his arm around Jack when they were sleeping, I do not equate that with a response to Jack's heartfelt admission.  Of course they slept together holding each other, they loved each other, it was their last night of that trip together....

The fact that Ennis does not respond to Jack's sorrow really lowers my opinion of him...

Jane

I think perhaps that fireside "sometimes I miss you so much happened earier on that last trip and his silence is that he knows he has to tell Jack he can't make August, so he puts it off as long as possable. I do thinkl the film showing Ennis's arm around Jack that nite is important and part of hes reaction to Jack's statement. I don't think Jack was looking for a verbal response.