Where are you in your process?

[RouxB]

Most of us have been experiencing the movie since it was first released. We bought, lived and breathed this movie for months. Now the posts are being less about the movie and more about our relationship with each other, some of our great minds have moved on, maybe we've been forced to catch up with everything we let slide during the honeymoon.

So, where are you with Bbm now? I find that my love for the movie has mellowed and aged into something like that dozy embrace. I am able to resist the urge to pop in the DVD before going to bed every night and I haven't read the short story in 2 weeks-a record. The destruction of the PT board was a dull ache in my heart and the continued stupidity on TOB just makes me what to whip people. 

                                  BUT, still, I can't let it go.

[DeeDee]

Well for me, I cut my crying in half.  I still play the DVD often.. (not everyday anymore)
I think about the boys maybe twice a day now.  Wow I never thought that one night in December when I was bored, and went to a movie, would rock my world like it has.

[texman]

 Well I am certainly doing better today than I was a few days ago after first watching the movie.  All the crying stopped now (see my post under Get In Touch With Your Feelings), I can actually watch this movie with more awe and amazement. I love the entire movie, but my favourite scene is the "Let Me Be" scene. Each time I see it, I pick up more and more.
 And what scares me in a way is that I am a straight guy with a wife! Why do I understand this scene so well? It's almost as if I can identify with it somehow. And that is very scary to me.
 I read the posts under the Steps thread. It's amazing how accurate that post is to how I feel. So I guess that others have travelled down this road before me.
 I am so glad that I found this forum, it really helps to know that I am not the only person feeling this way. I feel that there is something "left open" in my life and I can't identify it, but I feel that if I do and deal with it all will return to normal. So I am seriously reevaluating my life and beginning to deal with all the issues(and I didn;t think I had any!) and strangely enough I am finding a very relaxing warm calm.

[mg501]

I have gotten past the feeling of being overwhelmed by the feelings and thoughts the movie first stirred up in me. I still love Jack and Ennis. I am watching the dvd once a week or so and I think I have been looking at the movie more analytically then before. There are several parts of the movie that continue to choke me up. That continues because I know there are people out in the real world who are suffering through what Jack and Ennis suffered through. The movies currently playing in the theaters right now still seem uninteresting and irrevlevant. I know that my processing will have moved along further once I can "get into" new movies.

[Rayn]

  ...what scares me in a way is that I am a straight guy with a wife! Why do I understand this scene so well? It's almost as if I can identify with it somehow. And that is very scary to me.

I wanna respond to a question that texman asks and also to his post in general, then say a bit about where I am.

Texman, I think it's great that you, a non-gay guy with a wife, can relate to the movie and to a scene that is very intense.  Why do you understand it so well?   For one thing, Ennis and Jack are men.  You may be connecting with one or both of the men on an emotional level or maybe the scene is similar to something that happened to you in real life.  You understand them because you are the same gender they are, you see? You don't have to be gay or bi-sexual to do that.  And then there the "universal" connection to human love that most people can understand and feel too.  You don't have to be in a same sex relationship to understand that either.

Where am I now?  I have watched the movie on DVD 4 times and seen it in the theater once.  Every time I watch it, the same parts that broke me up the first time do again; not to the depth and intensity of the first time, but I am still very moved, to tears.  The most intense part is when Ennis visits Jack's parents and find the two shirts.  I understand the movie better now.  I read the story then gave the book to a close friend of mine, so I have another book on the way, and I do want to read it again since I've read it twice and still think about the story almost more than the movie.  Brokeback Mountain has had a huge impact on my life.  I have made positive changes already and am better off for them.  It has been the starting point for other, more important and difficult changes that I am making, long range changes, so I am thankful it's had such a strong impact for good. 

I have a new appreciation for country and western music even and have bought a few CDs, like the soundtrack, of course, but also some by Teddy Thompson, Mark Weigle and Steve Earle.  I should say too, that the movie's positive effect on me has a lot to do with finally seeing a serious movie about men in love.  It's almost like some "odd form of acceptance" by the mainstream, well, not all, but some of the mainstream. That feels very good, very healthy!

I still think of both Jack and Ennis from time to time and when I hear the soundtrack, whether on my PC or on BBM Radio, a sweet sadness, a haunting joy mixed with grief rise in me.  I'm a real movie lover and place Brokeback Mountain up high with favorites like Gandhi, Contact, A Thin Red Line, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest and Out of Africa which, by the way, is similar to Brokeback in it's tale of adventure and loss love.  I continue to come here out of a need to talk about the movie, the men, their issues and my feelings.   I saw the movie for the first time in early March and must admit, no movie has ever had so much influence on me.  I've never watched a movie 5 times and I imagine I will watch it again, so predict that it will most likely "hold the record" for movies I've watched most frequently.

Happy Spring to you all,
Rayn

[bbm_stitchbuffyfan]

Well, it's nice to know y'all are doing so great. My post is going to sound like the mental downfall of this entire thread.

Okay, I can at least function again, let me get that across... No longer am I having sleepless nights, outbursts of tears, or an icy shield separating me from the rest of the world (well, it's still kind of there), or crying literally every day. But some things have not changed: I still think about Ennis and Jack all the time. All though I can entertain off-topics thoughts for a while, everything comes back to Brokeback for me. It's difficult to let go (and I don't know if I want to). I'm still posting here and other Brokeback forums; it's monopolized my spare time.

Cannot watch other movies. I've seen some movies after Brokeback that I enjoyed but I haven't loved any of them (except Driving Miss Daisy, although BBM is far superior). Cannot see Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger playing other characters just yet, even though they're such great actors and can easily sell most of their parts.

It's been a few weeks since I last watched the movie, though I have the DVD, and I'm about to lose my fucking mind. I am holding off for the perfect evening though; when I can get some peace and solitude in my living room (I don't live alone). I am contemplating reading the book again but I will most likely do that after the movie.

My computer background is still Brokeback Mountain, I am planning on making a Brokeback scrapbook, I still have the ticket stubs, play the CD, and have pictures of Brokeback on my walls...

I am getting better, thankfully, (at least I'm not an insulent basket-case anymore) but this movie still has its place, which hasn't decreased in size at all, in my heart.

[OddlyEven]

It's been about a week since I last popped the DVD into the player. Like you, I'm trying to refrain from doing that because I'm afraid I'll get burned out. I don't want that to happen. Still I can't quit the movie though (obviously) because I'm still reading about it and posting about it on the Internet. No other movie has affected me the way this one has. I don't want it to stop.

[korgriff]

Well at first I couldnt get enough of BBM.  I went out and bought the DVD before I took the one I rented back to the store because I couldnt be without it.  I have been on the boards and ebay.  I bought a BBM italian charm for my bracelet and when I'm out and start thinking about them I just look at it.  I still watch the DVD every couple days but I feel like I have a part of them with me now and so I'm not so obsessed!

[JfT]

I don't think I'll ever get over this & why should I ? Its almost like an intense love affair you've somehow grown mellow with. I no longer let it absorb me as it once did, but its still very much wiith me.
I've learned a few things about myself because of the film & story & thats good. I'm more honest with myself & others & thats more than good.

[korgriff]

  I like your signature JfT.  Brokeback sure did get us all good!!!  I dont think that I will ever completely move past this but I dont have to and I dont want to either!  I LOVE THIS MOVIE!!!!

[ednbarby]

Well at first I couldnt get enough of BBM.  I went out and bought the DVD before I took the one I rented back to the store because I couldnt be without it.  I have been on the boards and ebay.  I bought a BBM italian charm for my bracelet and when I'm out and start thinking about them I just look at it.  I still watch the DVD every couple days but I feel like I have a part of them with me now and so I'm not so obsessed!

I know this feeling.  Ennis and Jack were in my dreams almost every night for about a two-week period at the height of my obsession.  But I haven't seen them now in over a week.  The relentless wind I've spoken of elsewhere on this board that's been howling down here in South Florida since early February ended at the same time.  I like to think it's because they are together now in that Brokeback Mountain eternity that Jeff S, I believe it was, described some time ago in a piece of his beautiful fanfic.

And just like that, I can actually go for hours at a time without thinking about them.  I still love to post here because I'll never stop loving the movie or all of you wonderful people here who live inside your own hearts like I do, but I think I've finally been able to lay them both to peaceful rest.

[TJ]

My "process" of everyday life is only connected with Brokeback Mountain (the movie and the short story) in the fact that it is just one of the things that millions of us who have been there and done that (BTDT) or we know people who have BTDT or are in the process of being there and doing that, some way or another.

If you read my postings in the BetterMost Forums or in the BbM Yahoo Groups which I either own or participate in (or have read in forums where I was banned, not that one which begins with an "I," you will have read about the fact that I left the closet in middle of March 1984 and was out of the closet to all of my family in November 1988.

I never knew the existence of Brokeback Mountain until September 2005 when news about the move started to show up on gay and lesbian online news sources.

Reading a book or seeing a movie has had no connection with my coming out process; but, my relationship with Jesus the Christ did. And, that is also connected with being a person who is Pentecostal by experience, too.

[Jeff Wrangler]

I'm not sure I'm ever going to be able to accept Heath and Jake in other roles. They're lucky the future of their careers doesn't depend on me!

I think perhaps my process went off in an odd direction becuase I got involved in writing Brokeback fanfiction. Although my earliest stories were "in the canon" of the film and the story, I've now gone off creating "Alternative Universe" stories, which I suspect at some level is a way of appropriating Ennis and Jack to myself, since I'm creating my own world for them where they have that sweet life together.

[RouxB]

Ah Jeff, I so love your writing and I have to thank you for getting me started-I am a decent writer-of letters-but have never attempted any fiction. I understand completely what you mean by writing allowing you to keep them with you. That is exactly what it does for me. I had weird guilt about my AU but I'm over that now. Annie Proulx gave me permission to finish the story however as I saw fit.

 

[Jeff Wrangler]

Ah Jeff, I so love your writing and I have to thank you for getting me started-I am a decent writer-of letters-but have never attempted any fiction. I understand completely what you mean by writing allowing you to keep them with you. That is exactly what it does for me. I had weird guilt about my AU but I'm over that now. Annie Proulx gave me permission to finish the story however as I saw fit.

 

Aww, thanks, RouxB!     Tell you what, I had that sense of guilt, too, over going off in an AU direction in my writing--like I was somehow "betraying" the "real" Ennis and Jack. Even though I've finished and posted two AU stories, I think at some level I'm still dealing with it.

[Rayn]

I'm not sure I'm ever going to be able to accept Heath and Jake in other roles. They're lucky the future of their careers doesn't depend on me!

Yeah, I feel the same way, Jeff.  I hardly knew them before BBM.  Now I've seen Jarhead and Moonlight Mile with Jake in them.  I didn't like either of them.   I've seen Keith in Casanova and A Knight's Tales and they were "ok", but none of those movies matched up to Ennis and Jack in BBM.

I've stopped watching the movie for now.  Six times was enough for me to know what happens and how I will feel every time I watch it.  I'm reading Annie's Collection of short stories, "Open Range".  She is a very interesting writer, I mean, the language she captures and invents.  Her characters and plots are so convincing; you just know they are based on real life.  I'm enjoying her very much. 

I do come here to talk about stuff still though, so I'll be seeing you around here...

Rayn

[Jeff Wrangler]

Yeah, I feel the same way, Jeff.  I hardly knew them before BBM.  Now I've seen Jarhead and Moonlight Mile with Jake in them.  I didn't like either of them.   I've seen Keith in Casanova and A Knight's Tales and they were "ok", but none of those movies matched up to Ennis and Jack in BBM.

I've stopped watching the movie for now.  Six times was enough for me to know what happens and how I will feel every time I watch it.  I'm reading Annie's Collection of short stories, "Open Range".  She is a very interesting writer, I mean, the language she captures and invents.  Her characters and plots are so convincing; you just know they are based on real life.  I'm enjoying her very much. 

I do come here to talk about stuff still though, so I'll be seeing you around here...

Rayn

I hadn't seen Jake in anything before Brokeback. The film of his that I really want to see some day is October Sky. That came and went through the Philadelphia theaters pretty quickly, but I remember seeing the TV commercials for it and thinking it looked like a nice, sweet story. I'm thinking also, possibly, of The Good Girl, but that one isn't high on my list because I've never gotten the appeal of Jennifer Anniston. I've never found her particularly pretty, and her character on Friends always annoyed me.

As for Heath, I'd seen The Patriot and A Knight's Tale. I didn't like either of those films, but not because of Heath. With regard to The Patriot, my M.A. is in Early American History, and there were plot turns in that movie that I found way too implausible. I could say pretty much the same for A Knight's Tale. I do medieval and Renaissance historical re-enacting and re-creating, and the rock-and-role dance sequence in A Knight's Tale made my flesh crawl. In any case, in both movies Heath struck me as another very pretty Aussie boy and not much else--which is one (of many) reasons that made Brokeback so stunning to me. I freely admit I seriously misjudged him. Mea culpa! Casanova also came and went pretty quickly from local theaters, but in any case I wasn't prepared to accept him in another role while Brokeback was still playing a few blocks away.

[ednbarby]

Oh, Jeff, you *must* see October Sky AND The Good Girl.  These are two of my favorites of Jake's roles.  October Sky was the first thing I ever saw him in.  Loved the movie so much in general that I dragged my husband back to see it since he'd missed it the first time.  Chris Cooper plays his Dad, and he's *so* damned good.  This movie is noteworthy in my Jake fandom history because when it was over, I looked for his name in the credits, and I'm sure I mispronounced it in my mind.  And I remember thinking "That boy's going places."  Yes, it is a sweet story and very inspiring, mostly because it's true.

And The Good Girl is one of my favorite movies, period.  I didn't think much of Jennifer Aniston one way or the other before seeing it, but she really rose to the occasion.  It's by far the deepest of all her protrayals (which I know may not be saying much).  And Zooey Deschanel is a *riot* as a co-worker who isn't afraid to show regularly how much she hates her job.  Just a very interesting, engaging, makes-you-think slice of life story.  Excellent stuff.

[silkncense]

The sleepless nights are now long gone but I still wake sometimes as Ennis did, from dreams of Jack (or Ennis). 

I am apparently on a different plane than others as I now am 'comforted' by seeing the film and knowing what a powerful love was shared.  I do still react sadly to the chipping away of that love and the tragedy of the loss, but I believe some people are so impacted because they never had THAT intense kind of love.  And fear they never will.

I can also view films with Heath Ledger since I never saw Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain.  I only saw Ennis.  (Maybe a couple of times Jake Gyllenhaal crept into the film,  but I can overlook that). 

[TJ]

I never even knew whom Heath Ledger was until I saw the promos for Brokeback Mountain. And that is the last movie that I have seen in a theater.

I never realized that I had seen Jake Gyllenhaal in other movies (all on TV) until after I saw BbM.

As far as accepting them being in other acting roles, I have no problem with that. But, if they were to be in a Western themed movie or another movie in the same genre as BbM, that might be different.

[Karan13]

Hi,
    I must admit i can now actually watch other movies before going to bed , but while they are on in the back of my mind i look at the clock and think Oh have i got time to fit BBM in afterwards. It is so powerful as a whole movie from screenplay to acting to short story to soundtrack { i to have found myself loving country and western ! } I felt sad when i watched the movie early on but now i can just enjoy the beauty of it and feel uplifted { although i still cry at my sadest scene where Jack drives away after the divorce has come through }. I think i have broken down and discussed the movie that much that i have found peace now just to enjoy its beauty. xx KAZ

[aileen]

I had to wait for BBM till March, cause in that time it came to theatres here in Poland. So, I'm still thinking about this story and can' t stop. But I' m not sad anymore, now I' m grateful I could see this picture. There was a time I was really afraid that somebody will not allow BBM be played in Poland because of homophobic moods here (well...homophobic government as a matter of fact )
So...where am I in my process - I'm still readind everything I can find about BBM, still watching the pictures, waiting for DVD (it'll be here in September!!! So late ), reading fun fics especially with happy endings. And I don' t want to stop

[bbm_stitchbuffyfan]

A lot of the beauty, to me, comes from it's sadness. I do not often cry in movies except for a handful -- okay, maybe an armful -- of movies. Nothing has ever affected me like Brokeback.

I haven't watched the movie in about a month -- I finally got to watch the DVD though. But for some reason, the past few days have been harder than the previous weeks. With the grieving process, you have your good days and your bad ones.

I can watch other movies but I watch them in a very critical perspective. And nothing, to me, is as enthralling as Brokeback.

[slayers_creek_oth]

My obession for the movie itself has really mellowed....however my obsession for this site continues to grow.  I haven't seen the movie in almost a month...

[RouxB]

I have not seen the movie in about 6 weeks-I thought this was evidence that my obsession was also mellowing. However, I feel this week a bit of the Brokeback fever. In reality I think I've been stuffing my BbM emotion and it is now fighting to be let out. I need to hold on for just 12 more days to the BIG Event screening at the Castro in SF. I hope the enormity of seeing it again on the big screen doesn't completely do me in!

 

[b_hynds]

I think my obsession for the film has settled down somewhat. For months it was all I thought about. I still think about it everyday though, and I continue to seach ebay looking for more memrobilia. I haven't watched the dvd in over a month, I just wanted to take a little break. I tried to watch it earlier this week but started tearing up instantly and decided to turn it off. Guess I wasn't ready yet. I think I'll wait to watch it again untill next week in SF on the big screen.

[Shakesthecoffecan]

It hs calmed from an all consuming passion to a facet in my life. Everytime I think about those guys I can't help but cry a little bit. It has opened up possibilities for me, I am reading everything Proulx wrote, am watching everything that Ang Lee has directed, or Ossana and McMurtry wrote, or any of the actors stared in. It is carrying me to Wyoming later this month.

And I love going into public places wearing my Jack Nasty ball cap. 

[serious crayons]

I watched the DVD once a week for the past three weeks. I rented it; don't own it (can't remember if I posted that here before, but the reason I didn't buy it is I'm afraid of overwatching it). I still have my way overdue rental (thanks to Blockbuster's no-late-fee policy). I may watch at least parts one more time next week to check out things that people have mentioned lately that I still (after, I think, 12 viewings) had not noticed.

But then I'm going to take the summer off. Kids will be home all the time; it's harder ... and I'm looking forward to how great it will be to see it again in September, when my memory has faded a bit and everything will seem so fresh!

[whiteoutofthemoon]

Well I am certainly doing better today than I was a few days ago after first watching the movie.  All the crying stopped now (see my post under Get In Touch With Your Feelings), I can actually watch this movie with more awe and amazement. I love the entire movie, but my favourite scene is the "Let Me Be" scene. Each time I see it, I pick up more and more.
 And what scares me in a way is that I am a straight guy with a wife! Why do I understand this scene so well? It's almost as if I can identify with it somehow. And that is very scary to me.
 I read the posts under the Steps thread. It's amazing how accurate that post is to how I feel. So I guess that others have travelled down this road before me.
 I am so glad that I found this forum, it really helps to know that I am not the only person feeling this way. I feel that there is something "left open" in my life and I can't identify it, but I feel that if I do and deal with it all will return to normal. So I am seriously reevaluating my life and beginning to deal with all the issues(and I didn;t think I had any!) and strangely enough I am finding a very relaxing warm calm.

I like this response from way back in April.....I'm a straight guy too who can't seem to shake the profound affect this movie has had on me.   For me,  the movie was more than a love story, but one of lost opportunities, and now I'm terrified that I will end up like Ennis.....did you notice how in the final trailer scene that he lost the "spring" in his step....he barely lifts his feet off the ground when he walks...shuffling around, defeated of spirit and happiness.   What decisions have I made that I regret, and will I completely miss out on opportunity if I wait for just the "right" moment or thing to come along?   This really has more to do with relationships.....it's about the path you choose in life....your career, your goals.... so many opportunities come along that will not reappear later....you either take a chance, or miss out.  Ennis is barely 40 at the end and already his life seems over, as it seems he will not have the opportunity to be happy again.  This is also the case in the short story, which has Ennis even much older, and in that same old lonely trailer. 

[alec716]

I am not a "movie person," or at least I never have been before this, but BBM has infused my soul ... painted a need... named an ache... brought me new friends in the guise of Jack and Ennis... and helped me rack up some ebay purchases in the process!  I find that I want the still images around me daily, but that the music and DVD are too powerful for every day purposes.  They are to be savored when I can devote my full attention and concentration to them.  I find that the movie and the written story have helped me process prior parts of my own life which I thought could be left alone.   This gorgeous story has also helped me focus even more deeply on treasuring the beauty which I have in my life.

[gattaca]

When I first saw the movie, I was floored. Absolutely floored. I had not experienced such a depth and breadth of emotion in many years.

The actors disappeared. I forgot that it was Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal. They were entirely Annie Proulx’s Ennis del Mar and Jack Twist. It’s like the ‘hole in the story’ – not a plot hole. If you’re reading a book, and it’s very good, a hole appears in your mind and you fall into the story; it creates itself outside of your experience and is made flesh and you become enmeshed, exclusive of the wireframe you think you created to contain the story within your head. William Martin’s Cape Cod did that, so did Delany’s Dahlgren. I never had a movie open up a hole like that however. The hole just kept getting bigger – and followed me around all day. Signal, Lightning Flat, Childress. In that tent with Ennis and Jack during their first violent, visceral coupling. I could taste it.

If someone were to have asked me immediately following the movie what my thoughts were, I could not have answered. The story and the visuals took quite some time to "clear the circuits".

Ennis and Jack (and Alma and Lureen) proceeded to follow me around all week. Wings kept playing that beautiful pedal steel and 12-string guitar, like a hymn. It did, as Annie Proulx describes Ennis' dream of Jack Twist, "stoke the day, rewarm that old, cold time on the mountain when they owned the world and nothing seemed wrong".

I'm seldom moved to tears and yet the tragedy of what befell Ennis and Jack had me weeping uncontrollably. I'd been in a similar circumstance, many years ago, but all was made new again, and the emotions re-experienced as fresh, and joyous, and painful.

I'm still being profoundly affected by the movie. I imagine I'll get back to you when I've settled down a bit.

[starboardlight]

beautiful word gattaca. i just really enjoyed reading your post. you expressed much of what I felt when I first saw the film, but you put into words thoughts that just haven't solidify for me. I've read your post 3 times over, and all I can say is, I'm glad you've found your way to us.

[ednbarby]

I'm glad you've found your way here, too, gattaca.  Like Nipith (starboardlight), I just read your post twice and will certainly read it again, it's so beautiful.  We've all experienced having the movie follow us around for days, weeks, months afterwards.  And we've all talked about how when someone asked us shortly after seeing it for the first time what we thought of it, we could find no adequate words to describe it.  But I've not seen anyone put that experience so eloquently and poetically as you have.

It's so lovely when "new" people join us and take us back to that first time and those early experiences with it.  It's almost like looking at the world with the wonder of a child all over again.

[opinionista]

I went to see Brokeback Mountain in January, a few days after it opened in Madrid when all sessions were usually sold out and it was hard to find tickets. It was a Sunday and the movie had opened the Friday before. I remember it was a very cold day, yet I spent all afternoon at the park with my friend, jogging and working out in the bitter cold. Afterwards we decided to catch a movie to warm up a little. I wanted to see Brokeback pretty bad because I had been reading reviews about it on internet. My friend was reluctant because he thought it was boring.  I finally conviced him but there weren't tickets availabe for the session we wanted to go, so we bought for the next one, which was the last (around 10.30PM). Since we had four hours to kill before our session began, we bought tickets to another movie that started at an earlier hour. It was Manuale D'Amore (The Handbook of Love), an italian movie I highly recommend. That movie was light, funny but very good.

Then we went to see Brokeback and we found the movie slow, sad, too silent compared to how loud the other movie was, with so much dialogue and music. All that combined with our exhaustion for having spent the entire afternoon working out in the bitter cold of Madrid, and with the fact that it was the second movie we had watched that day. Those were the worst two and half hours we endured in a movie theatre. My friend ended up hating the movie and I didn't know what to think about it. But we were overwhelmingly sad and the movie stuck in our minds. I couldn't stop thinking about it.

A few days afterwards, we met for lunch and couldn't stop talking about the movie. We were especially trying to figure out if Jack was killed or if it was an accident. And it went on like this for the rest of the week. We would call each other just to talk about the damn movie and we didn't know why, especially my friend who totally hated it.

I even went to the library to get a copy of the New Yorker version of the short story, and we both read it not once but twice or more, and discussed it thoroughly. Finally, we went to see the movie again, and we couldn't stop crying. My friend got especially sad at the lake scene, when Jack and Ennis have the argument. Then confessed that it took a second viewing for him to love it, and that he saw himself represented in Ennis. I saw myself in Jack.

So, I was hooked. I started to fall in love with Brokeback Mountain and to become obssesed with it. I started to apply the story into my life and to learn from it. From then on, I went to see it everytime I could and I joined the BBM forum at IMBD to read and talk about it as much as I did. I recommended it to everyone, even my mother (who loved it). My friend got over with it faster than I did, because of his job he couldn't really afford to be hooked up on a movie.

So I was *Brokeback sick* for about two months. I didn't work as much as I should in my thesis, went to see other movies and couldn't pay attention to them. I kept thinking of Jack and Ennis. If there was a sad scene, I'd remember Ennis hugging the shirts and cry. I also became obssesed with Jake Gyllenhaal, whom I didn't really pay attention to before seeing BBM.

Right now, I don't think I'm obssesed with the movie, at least not as much as I was during those months. At least, I no longer have the urge to see it again although I did rent the DVD the very day it was released. But I haven't rented it again.  I haven't bought it yet though, because it hasn't been released for selling until tomorrow (they have two different release dates here, don't know why). I have gotten my life back, I work as much as I should, I have gone back to jogging and working out, to go out with my friends, and still meet for lunch the one I went to see BBM with for the first time, and we're able to talk about stuff other than Brokeback.

But I'm happy I went through this experience. It was an eye opener. It helped me understand a few issues in my family (I have an uncle who went through hell for being gay). And I'm happy to have found you all!  and to know that I wasn't the only one who went through this.

[SFEnnisSF]

Thank you for sharing your story, opinionista.  I enjoyed reading it. 

[Rayn]

Where am I in the process? 

I feel I'm facing some very important choices I have to make for a better future.  I feel a bit afraid, very lonesome, a bit tired, but not defeated.  I feel like Ennis must have, to some extent, facing choices without Jack, looking into his future.  Wondering ...

Brokeback Mountain has made me very aware of all that and more.

Truly,
Rayn

[Rayn]

Well, I 'm coming here far less than before, but I did grow a long mustache and the other day someone even said I look like a cowboy now!  Never thought I did, but I guess I do!

 

Rayn

[CarlaMom2]

Well,  I am still in the beginning phases.  I just saw the movie last week and read the story last night!  I think about them all the time.  I  see them in my dreams, too.  I am in the obscession part of the BBM fever......and I got it bad!

[jerico_red]

I'm in the same boat as CarlaMom,
Just beginning my obsession... dreamt about Jack and Ennis that night (somehow I saved them) and have been watching it every night. With recent events the past couple of days, it's become a comfort to me. Not having anyone to really talk about it with, it's great to see all the discussions on the board and all the theories people have. But it also feels like I'm a bit late to the party... like a dinner party where I arrived as dessert is being served.

[CarlaMom2]

You can talk to me jerico red

[CarlaMom2]

How 'bout some cherry cake?

[Rayn]

I watched BBM once again.  It still has the way effect on me, I love the film, the joys and sorrows in it, but I don't dwell on it afterwards very much.  The one thing that I 'm thankful for is a greter appreication of music.  I listen to country and western more now and like it a lot. 

Rayn

[HerrKaiser]

I watched BBM once again.  It still has the way effect on me, I love the film, the joys and sorrows in it, but I don't dwell on it afterwards very much.  The one thing that I 'm thankful for is a greter appreication of music.  I listen to country and western more now and like it a lot. 

Rayn

Country is wonderful; lyrics have such meaning. That is why the soundtrack is so rich with communication. Try Crystal Gayle's "It's like we never said goodbye" to seem like a song written for Ennis and Jack's first reunion.

[moremojo]

I listen to country and western more now and like it a lot.

I myself am much more appreciative of country and Western music than ever before, and it's thanks to this movie. On my last return drive home from Kerrville with my sister, I had my sister's car radio tuned to a country-and-Western station the whole way, and found the music comforting and inspiring. This music is of the earth (is "earthy"), and listening to it makes me feel grounded and centered.

[lachlan]

Did you know that in the American West, before the term "Country & Western" was devised, the local name for  this type of music was "Heart Songs"?

[moremojo]

Did you know that in the American West, before the term "Country & Western" was devised, the local name for  this type of music was "Heart Songs"?

No, I didn't know that; very interesting! "Heart Songs" are certainly an apt description for much of this music--at its best, it is sincere, without pretension, and utterly from the heart.

[Rayn]

The Process??  Where am I?

I've not watched the movie for long time, but feel like I want to, then I think how sad I feel when I do,  and I don't.  I love the characters, like firends, but the loss of Jack is too much and I can't afford the Kleenexes!

I'm considering joining the Alberta Pilgrimage!

Don't know if I 'll make it.  It's so damned expensive to fly back home from Asia then up there too, but I just might.  And I'll probably give in the to movie soon.  No movie has ever been so powerful.  I've seen it 7 times ... You'd think there'd be a time when everyone would get tired of it, but I don't know if I'll ever tire of BBM.   LOL

[Rayn]

Yep, I did it again.  Watched the film last night, loved it, laughed, cried, felt down for a few, but didn't mind.  So NOW WHERE AM I IN THE PROCESS....

I'm in the process of gettin' hooked on Brokeback Mountain again!   

Still planning on the Pilgrimage...

Posting stuff here.

R

[Delmardeb]

I need help, and I know that I can count on some of you who have gone through what I'm going through for the help that I need! I have been watching this movie since January 2007, and have lost count as to how many times. I have the dvd, but every time it comes on TV I watch it because the picture is much better. Anyway, yesterday I saw the movie twice on one of the cable channels. Today I am desperately trying not to watch it because I don't want to get tired of it.

My problem is- I am trying to refrain from watching the movie for at least a couple of days or even for a few weeks. How does one do this, and why is it so difficult not to give in to the urge to watch BBM? This may sound silly, but I feel comfortable sharing this with you because there has to be someone out there who has experienced this and who understands what I am feeling.

I haven't been a participant that long on this board and have only posted a few times. Again, I am reaching out because I don't want to get burned out!!!!

Help.........

I feel like a drug addict needing a fix. Has anyone else experienced this feeling???

The OBSESSION Continues....................

[Delmardeb]

GOING THROUGH WITHDRAWALS!!!!

BRKEBACK GOT ME GOOD!!!!

HELP.....

[Rayn]

Help.........
I feel like a drug addict needing a fix. Has anyone else experienced this feeling???
The OBSESSION Continues....................

Obsessive compulsive behavior is a hard thing to overcome. 

      But there's one good thing about an obsession with Brokeback Mt.  It's not as hard on the body or budget as heroin, booze or gambling!  Watching a movie over and over though, especially one that is very sad or very violent can actually lead some people to experience more or less a state of "post traumatic stress syndrome", you know, which can mess up your life, but it won't kill you.   So, be aware, watching it too much is not harmless for some.

       Burning out on it, isn't going to kill you.  It could actually help.  Sometimes people have to burn out in order get over it.  I've only watched the movie 8 times, but the more I watched it, the less I wanted to because I'm very aware of my emotions and when I watch it I feel joy and pleasure, but also deep sadness.  Some of the worst (best?) scenes are very close to what has happened to me in my own life. I didn't read the story first, I saw the film alone at home and nearly fell apart, couldn't continue watching it, had to stop for the closet scene, I sobbed for a very long time. You see, and I know this has happened to others, when I "lost" a man I loved very much, I also went to my closet, sometimes pressed his old shirt or jacket to my face because the scent of him was in them and that was all that remained of him, and I missed him so much.  Grief is no fun, but it does weaken and we can recover our lighter spirits in time.

      This is a key to understanding reactions to Brokeback: it brings up powerful emotions inside some of us, we connect with it in ways like no other movie before.  It's what's inside us though, not the movie, that can cause us trouble.  The movie is very real to a lot of people and that's why it's has so powerful an impact and attraction.   When I realized the experiences were that close to my own, I had to ask myself, "Do you really want to feel such grief and sadness over and over?"  These days, when I answer, "No! It's too painful." then I don't watch it.  I did burn out,  but it helped me stop watching it.
 
         I still love the movie, enough to be doing the pilgrimage to Alberta, and if I think I can handle the pain in it, I watch it, but not so often.  I hope some of this helps you. You can go a number of ways.. really, burn out and then stop watching it.  Or limit your intake to a wiser, healthier amount.  If you can't control watching the DVD, then give it to a friend to "hold" for you.   Switch your obsession to another movie.  "Capote" is an outstanding film of nearly equal emotional and dramatic depth and quality.  Watch that instead for a while.

       You could also get with someone, a close friend, another Brokie you trust maybe, or even a counselor, and look deeply in your own heart and mind to understand what you are getting from the watching it so much, what's the payoff and why do you need it?   The movie in itself is harmless.  It's what's in your heart and mind that are causing you to obsess over it.  Take a long, good look at those, ask some deep questions about those and it could help.  The work that needs doing is on the inside, ya know, like they say, "Happiness is an inside job."

I wish you peace, fellow Brokie...
Rayn

[Delmardeb]

Sorry that it took me so long to reply to your post, but I have been busy doing some of the things that I have been neglecting. Thank you so much for your very caring and heartfelt response to my BBM addiction. But just like you said, it is harmless compared to other hardcore addictions that afflict so many people. Anyway, I have cut down on my viewings so that I won't burn out.

You were right when you said that this movie causes one to reflect on personal tragedies and experiences in one's life. Of course I am talking about losses that I have experienced which have made me a stronger and hopefully a better person.

I looked at some old posts about the same situation of people continuously watching BBM, and I noticed your post, when you stated how many times you've actually watched the movie. Your numbers then sure do add up to the times you've seen it as of late. That was very interesting. It is also good to know that there are others who have excessively watched BBM like I have which makes me know that I am not alone.

Again Rayn I'd like to thank you from one Brokie to another.

Delmardeb

[Rayn]

     Glad to hear from you and know that you're attending to things you need to do more than watch the movie.  I'm sorry, I should have been clearer about the times I've watched the movie.  I've seen it 8 times on DVD since it came out which was way back.... when?  I don't know!  I also saw it in a theater once, so chalk it up to 9 for me. I'm told, "That's a drop in the bucket!" by those who've seen it many more times than that.  I think it's a lot, so I guess I just ain't a very good Brokie!

The truth is... sometimes I miss it so much I can hardly stand it!   

   

     But when I feel that urge, I just ask myself if I want to feel all that sadness and pain at the end, and I usually say, no... it's just too much for me. That's how I handle my Brokeback Addiction.  We all have our own minds and hearts that respond a little differently than others, but we are all a bit the same too.  We're crazy about the movie and everything to do with it! 

HUH?!


Peace,
Rayn.