Kerry's Komedy Klub

[dot-matrix]

A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out. When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather.

"Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?"

"Oh yes, PaPa" the girl replied, "and do you know what? We didn't see a single dumb bastard or lousy shit head!"

Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

[Cameron]

from belief.net

American-Yiddish Dictionary

JEWBILATION - Pride in finding out that one's favorite celebrity is Jewish.

TORAHFIED - Inability to remember one's lines at one's Bar or Bat mitzvah.

CHUTZPAPA - A father who wakes his wife at 4:00 AM so she can change the baby's diaper.

DISORIYENTA - When Aunt Sadie gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.

MISHPOCHAMARKS - The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on one's face and collar after kissing all one's aunts and cousins at a reception.

ROSH HASHANANA - A rock 'n roll band from Brooklyn.

FEELAWFUL - Indigestion from eating Israeli street food.

KINDERSCHLEP - To transport other kids in your car besides yours.

OYVAYSMEAR - What one says when the cream cheese squeezes out of the bagel and falls on your clean pants.

JEWDO - A traditional form of self-defense based on talking one's way out of a tight spot.


BAD JOKE DISCLAIMER: We recognize that religious humor can be risky. It is our hope that by laughing at ourselves (and others) we can make this subject more approachable. If you find any of these objectionable, we apologize. Many were posted on Beliefnet, some were passed along via email and others spotted on other websites. As with most jokes, the original authors are unknown -- but we thank them.

I do not get why this was posted here, and it bothers me. It would be fine in other settings, but I do not believe this should be here and I do not believe this should be posted by people who have no connection to the Jewish/Yiddish culture at all.

I find it offensive that this was posted here like this.

[Kerry]

And the final Putin joke . . . .

Putin goes to a restaurant with Medvedev and orders a steak. The waiter asks, "And what about the vegetable?" Putin answers, "The vegetable will have steak too."

From "A Tsar is Born"
Time Magazine
31 December 2007
   

[dot-matrix]

I do not get why this was posted here, and it bothers me. It would be fine in other settings, but I do not believe this should be here and I do not believe this should be posted by people who have no connection to the Jewish/Yiddish culture at all.

I find it offensive that this was posted here like this.

I am sorry that my post offended and bothered you Cameron. But please don't make assumptions about my connections or jump to conclusions about my motives.

My Jewish friends thought it hilarious, in fact one of them shared it with me.  Two of them are Russian Jews  from New York and the others are California born and bred, one is the grandchild of Holocost survivors.  Perhaps that's why, like myself they seem to have no problem poking fun at themselves and stereotypes. 

If I were to follow your politically correct line of thinking then we can't post gay jokes unless we are gay, cowboy jokes unless we are cowboys, doctor jokes unless we are doctors, jokes about men unless we are men, etc. etc. etc.  It's a slippery slope.  No

Humor is personal and controversial.  Every joke offends someone, every joke is unfunny to someone it is the nature of the medium.   I hope you understand my position.  However if Kerry asks or the Moderator asks I will of course remove it. 

[Kerry]

I am sorry that my post offended and bothered you Cameron. But please don't make assumptions about my connections or jump to conclusions about my motives.

My Jewish friends thought it hilarious, in fact one of them shared it with me.  Two of them are Russian Jews  from New York and the others are California born and bred, one is the grandchild of Holocost survivors.  Perhaps that's why, like myself they seem to have no problem poking fun at themselves and stereotypes. 

If I were to follow your politically correct line of thinking then we can't post gay jokes unless we are gay, cowboy jokes unless we are cowboys, doctor jokes unless we are doctors, jokes about men unless we are men, etc. etc. etc.  It's a slippery slope.  No

Humor is personal and controversial.  Every joke offends someone, every joke is unfunny to someone it is the nature of the medium.   I hope you understand my position.  However if Kerry asks or the Moderator asks I will of course remove it. 

I personally have no problem with the American-Yiddish Dictionary.

I forwarded it to a dear friend of many years standing, who is Jewish. He thought it was hilarious. He was particularly taken with the definition of Jewdo, "A traditional form of self-defense based on talking one's way out of a tight spot." He loved that one, primarily because, as he told me, it's the only "sport" he excels at (but I knew that already).   

Cameron, I appreciate your concerns and have noted your comments. I would respectfully suggest that you contact the moderator of this thread, Sheriff Roland, if you wish to pursue your concerns further. Alternatively, you have the option to ignore Dottie's posts in future.

I do not make these comments lightly and have given much thought to the wording of my response, which I hope will be received in the spirit in which it is intended - that of fraternity and camaraderie.

[Cameron]

I really don't care what your Jewish friends thought of these.  I do not think that this is the right place for these 'jokes' and I am offended, and I don't think it is right at all.

[dot-matrix]

I really don't care what your Jewish friends thought of these.  I do not think that this is the right place for these 'jokes' and I am offended, and I don't think it is right at all.

As I said Cameron I am sorry for that, it was not my intention to offend any one or demean anyone.  To me this particular joke is no different than blond jokes or gay jokes or any other type of joke that poke fun at someone specific.   As for offense I myself have been offended by many things posted by people at Bettermost over the year or so I have been here but choose not to create waves in this closed environment over something that is simply a difference of opinion, views, values or culture. Of course you are free to lodge a complaint with the moderator of this forum Sheriff Roland.  I trust in Roland's judgement and will abide any decision he makes if you chose to take that avenue to express your concerns.

[dot-matrix]

[dot-matrix]

A Redneck Valentine

Kudzu is green,
my dog's name is Blue
And I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
And without all them fleas.
You move like the bass,
Which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
But I luv you anyway.
You're as graceful as okry
Jist a-dancin' in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as SunDrop
Right out of the can.
You have all yore teeth,
For which I am proud;
I hold my head high
When we're in a crowd.
On special occasions,
When you shave yore armpits,
Well, I'm in hawg heaven,
I'm plumb outta my wits.
Still them fellers at work
They all want to know,
What I did to deserve
Such a purty, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape
Yo're there fer yore man,
To patch up life's troubles
And stick 'em in the can.
Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler
Racin' through the mud,
Yet fragile as that sanger
Named Naomi Judd.
Yo're as cute as a junebug
A-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like no fire ant
Upon which I oft' tread.
Cut from the best pattern
Like a flannel shirt of plaid,
You sparked up my life
Like a Rattletrap shad.
When you hold me real tight
Like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection,
Like the best vinyl sidin'.
Despite all the years,
Yore age, it keeps hidin'.
And when you get old
Like a '57 Chevy,
Won't put you on blocks
And let grass grow up heavy.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
With a RC cold drank,
We go together
Like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate
For Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
It's romantic that way.
Some men git roses
On that special day
From the cooler at Kroger.
'That's impressive,' I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds
From a flea market booth.
'Diamonds are forever,'
They explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey,
These will not do.
For you are too special,
You sweet thang you.
I got you a gift,
Without taste nor odor,
Better than diamonds
it's a new trollin' motor.

[dot-matrix]