Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Penthesilea]

 

A new favorite of mine!


Thanks for posting as always .

[Mandy21]

Ole had a car accident and was suing the trucking company.

In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Ole..

"Didn't you say, sir, at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine," asked the lawyer."

Ole responded,  "Vell, I'll tell you vat happened.  I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the...."

"I didn't ask for a long story," the lawyer interrupted.  "Just answer the question.  Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!' ?"

Ole said, "Vell, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."

The lawyer interrupted again and said,"Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Minnesota Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now, several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.  Please tell him just to answer the question."

By this time, however, the Judge wanted to hear Ole's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his mule."

Ole thanked the Judge and proceeded.  "Vell, as I vas saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into da trailer and vas driving her down da highvay ven dis big truck and trailer ran da stop sign and smacked my truck right in da side.  I vas trown into one ditch and Bessie vas trown into da other. I vas hurting real bad and didn't vant to move. However, I could hear Bessie moaning  and groaning.  I could hear she was in terrible shape."

"Shortly after da accident da Minnesota Highway Patrolman came to da scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he vent over to her.  After he looked at her, and saw she was in bad shape, he took out his gun and shot her right between da eyes."

"Then he came across da road with his gun in his hand, lookedat me and said, 'And how are you feeling?'"

"I ask you, your honor, vat the hell vould YOU have said?"

[Katie77]

The Frog and Golf


A man takes the day off work and

decides to go out golfing.





He is on the second hole when he

notices a frog sitting next to the green.



He thinks nothing of it and is

about to shoot when he  Hears,




Ribbit 9 Iron.'




The man looks around and doesn't

see anyone.


Again, he hears, 'Ribbit 9 Iron.'



He looks at the frog and decides to

prove the frog wrong, puts the

club away, and grabs a 9 iron.









Boom!

He hits it 10 inches from the  cup.








He is shocked.








He says to the frog,








'Wow that's amazing.









You must be a lucky frog, eh?


The frog replies,








'Ribbit Lucky frog.'









The man decides to take the frog

with him to the next hole.


'What do you think frog?'








The man asks.








'Ribbit 3 wood..'


The guy takes out a 3 wood and,

Boom! Hole in one.








The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say..








By the end of the day, the man golfed the

best game of golf in his life and

asks the frog,








'OK where to next?'

The frog replies,








'Ribbit Las Vegas .



' They go to Las Vegas

and the guy says,








'OK frog, now What?'








The frog says, 'Ribbit Roulette.'








Upon approaching the roulette table,








The man asks,








'What do you think I should bet?'








The frog replies,








'Ribbit $3000, black 6.'


Now, this is a

million-to-one shot to win, but

after the golf game the man

figures what the heck.


Boom!








Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table


The man takes his winnings and

buys the best room in the Hotel.








He sits the frog down and Says,








'Frog, I don't know how to repay you.

You've won me all this money and

I am forever grateful.'


The frog replies,


'Ribbit KissMe.'

He figures why not,


Since after all the frog did for him,


He deserves it.








With a kiss, the frog turns into a

gorgeous 18-year-old girl.








'And that,


your honor, is how the girl

ended up in my room.'

[Katie77]

Rolls-Royce vs. Yugo

A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce.
He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. "Hey, buddy, that\'s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I\'ve got a phone in my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls looked over and said snobbishly, "Yes, I have a phone."
The driver of the Yugo said, "Cool! Hey, you also got a fridge in there, too? I\'ve got one in the back seat of my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls, much annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."
The driver of the Yugo said, "That\'s great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls, quite irritated by now, replied, "Of course, I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"
The driver of the Yugo said, "Yes, a very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls, upset that he did not have a bed, sped away and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered a bed to be installed in the back of his Rolls-Royce.
The next morning, he returned to pick up his car, and the bed looked superb It came complete with silk sheets and a brass-trimmed headboard. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls-Royce. So the driver of the Rolls began searching for the Yugo. He drove around all day and finally found the Yugo late that night.
It was parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. He got out and knocked on the window of the Yugo. When there wasn\'t any answer, he continued knocking and knocking until finally, the owner of the Yugo lowered the window, and stuck his soaking wet head out.
"I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.
The driver of the Yugo looked at him narrowly and said, "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!?!"

[Katie77]

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD
HOPE THIS MAKES YOU SMILE
THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD
Well, it's shit ... that's right, shit!
Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit,
and tell others to eat shit.

Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference
between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit,horse shit, and chicken shit.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit,
and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.
And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!

[optom3]

Always guaranteed to make me chuckle, a visit to the Komedy Klub.

[Kerry]