New story by stevehtx.
Just Before Dawn
It was just before dawn…that quiet, silent interval between the sounds of night and the sounds of day. A slight glow could be discerned between the flaps of the tent. Outside the stars were fading from view.
He had been awake for a little while now just staring at the man next to him, their faces close, their breath mingling in the cold nighttime air of the tent. He watched as the other man’s eyelashes fluttered and little muscles twitched, a response to movement in his dreams.
He lifted his hand, quietly and slowly, so as not to wake the sleeper. He reached forward to lightly brush a lock of hair back from his forehead. He ran the back of his fingers, butterfly soft, across the side of this face he had known and watched for so long. Closing his eyes he leaned in slightly…the smell of this man always intoxicating.
He thought of all the times he had been here in this same moment…staring, watching, trying to capture in memory the beauty he saw, storing it for the barren months between their meetings, for those times when the pain of their separation gnawed at his mind and tore at his heart.
These times were the only ones when he could, without fear, let loose the iron bands that constrained him from opening up and expressing what his heart screamed to release. These were the only times he could allow himself to say silently, “I love you,” knowing that to say so in the light of day or the passion of night would, rather than bring comfort, disrupt the balance of things.
He wished that just once he could look this man in the eye and tell him, “Don’t go…please stay…you’re the only reason I keep on going on…I’m nothing if you ain’t here.”
But he knew that everything would change and not for the better. Once said the words could not be taken back. Once said, he’d never be able to leave, never be able to walk away…yet would have to…as he’d had to do so many times before.
So he waited patiently, each time they got together, for this moment, this time to drop his barriers and, even if silently, shout to the heavens his undying love. It was his only time to let his heart open and feel the love he could never express. It was what he lived for.
A little shudder, a deepening of the breath, a slight shift of the body…the sleeper was waking. The moment was passing as it always did. With a deep inward sigh, he put these thoughts and feelings away for the next time.
He watched as the other man slowly opened his eyes…those startling blue eyes. His breath faltered as it always did. A tear formed at the thought that those eyes sought him out wherever he stood…looked for him at every turn…told him there was no one else so important to him in the world.
“Hey,” Jack muttered still half asleep.
“Hey, yourself,” Ennis said as he brushed a tear away.
“What’s the matter, cowboy?”
“Nothing,” Ennis said quickly, “I’m okay.” He looked away for a moment, “Should get up, though. Lot’s to do.”
“Do we have to right now?” a sleepy Jack asked, shifting over and snuggling close, tucking his head under Ennis’ chin.
Ennis wrapped an arm over Jack to pull him close and hold him tight.
“No, lil’ darlin’, we got time.”
