I had a conversation with a friend of mine the other day about Brokeback Mountain. He's gay and in a relationship with someone for several years now. When I broached the issue of BBM with him and told him about my efforts here on BetterMost, I was stunned to hear his reaction to the movie. He thought it was terrible. He didn't actually go and see it in a theater, he saw it from one of those copies that
suddenly and mysteriously appeared on his computer. I was floored to hear things like:
- the movie continued the stereotype that gay men can't maintain relationships;
- it had two gay guys that refused to settle down with each other;
- it was depressing and an overall negative for the gay community;
- it showed gay people living lies and hurting women and children.
AIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DID WE SEE THE SAME MOVIE???!!!
I was really surprised to hear this kind of stuff and I could feel my temperature rising as I was listening to it. My immediate reaction was to begin an all out defense and debate concerning what planet he flew to to get these kinds of reactions. Normally movies for me are not deeply personal things - I despise Adam Sandler for example, but when I tell an Adam Sandler fan most of his films are always the same thing over and over, they don't flip out. I liked Pleasantville quite a bit (except for the bang bang over the head with the way too obvious use of the metaphor gun) but if someone told me it was awful, I would shrug my shoulders and move on. But when it comes to BBM, hearing people trash it evokes a reaction inside me as if someone was out to beat and bash Jack and Ennis and defenses go on maximum.
I was truly, surprisingly, offended to hear these remarks. After a few minutes of debate I realized my friend just didn't get it. And he should because he's a lot like Ennis in many ways, and just as stubborn. Over the years, we've had issues that led me to put him on my "list" of people I need a break from because he was driving me nuts. But I'm loyal to friends so it's not like I am telling him "never call again."
Obviously, he was factually wrong about the characters anyway - Ennis always remained true to Jack as his one male partner, although Jack did drift but only out of frustration with Ennis. He was wrong about the characters being stereotypical for not committing to the relationship -- a lot of younger gay guys won't commit because they want to explore around and they are not ready to settle down. In BBM's case, it was Ennis' fear alone which kept them apart. It -was- a depressing film because it showed the extension of what bigotry, fear, and hatred can do to honest love. I saw this as an overall plus for the gay community, especially in showing the power of true love and the consequences for everybody when negative forces interfere. That was exactly what led Jack and Ennis to marry women in the first place - because it was expected. I would never condone someone marrying someone just to prove they can fit in; it's cruel to the person you marry and to yourself. But my perspective is colored by the fact I am much younger than the characters on screen, and I have the luxury of speaking on this contemporaneously.
But there is a real problem for us BBM evangelists out there when we confront the non-believers. We cannot threaten them with eternal damnation, but perhaps we should taunt them ruthlessly for preferring Final Destination 3.