I've also been talking with my therapist about the BBM-effect for a few weeks now. That's ALL we talk about, since the movie has taken residence in my heart. In the beginning (about six weeks ago now) I was trying to answer the questions about WHY I was being so affected, and they seemed to be various. At first, of course, it was the sadness for loss of a love, but with subsequent viewings it seemed a much vaster grief -- the loss of life-dreams and broken hopes, sadness over choices made or not made, sense of not accomplishing what I was meant to be on this earth for, loss of a spiritual connection. Deep, deep anguish, many many tears. And one point I felt like I was crying for all the pain in the world. When I found myself weeping in the very beginning when Jake and Ennis begin up the mountain with the sheep, knowing they are ascending into paradise and all the pain that awaits them in their lives, . . . . I'm crying as I try to write this.
Anyway, it sure isn't quitting me. C. (my therapist) encourages me entirely to just flow along with this, as long as it flows, paying attention (it's about all I do pay attention to these days) and enjoying the journey. And I do. My photos of "the boys" smile back at me, the CD pulls at my heart, I feel more alive and juicy than I have in many years (I'm another old woman, 75). A Jake-like figure appeared in my dream a few days ago and asked me (in the dream), "have you seen Brokeback Mountain?" and my heart leapt up and I said "yes, yes, do you want to talk about it?" because there is nothing I would rather do these days than that.
I look forward to our "conversations" via this board.
