Author Topic: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?  (Read 9721 times)

Offline Br. Patrick

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I've got the Collectors Edition.  Seen all of the extras twice.  Nice.  But Everytime I try to watch the film for the 12th time, I just can't.  It's like walking into a firestorm of tears.  I know it's going to pull my guts out inch by inch and I don't think that I am strong enough, psychologically, to do that to myself.   Anybody else having similar reactions?  Or am I a loner this way just like I am in real life...


 ???
br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline Brown Eyes

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2007, 10:36:39 pm »
No, I don't think you're alone in this reaction at all.  My responses to BBM have shifted dramatically from time to time over the past year that it's been a constant presence in my life (which is sort of an amazing role for a movie to play when you think about it).  I no longer can count how many times I've seen it on DVD (especially because I often can't bring my self to watch it all the way through... I often turn it off right after the reunion because the 2nd half is often too much for me to handle... so I'd have to count in halves to get anything like an accurate count... so I've given up).  Anyway,  currently I can't really watch it either without getting too upset.  It used to be the 2nd half that really knocked me out... but now more and more it's the whole movie.  I'm thinking this phase will pass one of these days soon.  I know I won't be able to go too long without watching it.

Hang in there Bud!  You know that around here you're surrounded by folks who understand the kind of reaction you're talking about.  So, I hope the forums can bring some comfort.
the world was asleep to our latent fuss - bowie

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #2 on: March 15, 2007, 12:50:23 pm »
Hang in there Bud!  You know that around here you're surrounded by folks who understand the kind of reaction you're talking about.  So, I hope the forums can bring some comfort.

Thanks for the encouraging words!  Not one day goes by without me thinking of some scene, usually 2 or 3 times a day.  I just break into tears.  I remember it TOO well.

And also, for a reason that I sure don't understand, I don't WANT it to end...  So, I feel like Ennis riding up on that ridge after the first tent scene, being pulled in at least two directions at once.

 ???
br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline nic

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #3 on: March 15, 2007, 01:30:51 pm »
At first I thought you meant "tear" as in crying tears, now I think you mean it in the sense of ripping - is that right? Or both ??

I haven't watched it by myself at home at all & was actually extremely apprehensive about doing so until a while ago when I was fortunate to see BBM on the big screen again with some fellow Brokies (even though I am very much a loner in RL too).  At this viewing, as well as being blown away as expected, on another level I somehow felt quite relieved & had a sense of "it is only a film", & I mean that in the sense that prior to this I had built up so many emotions etc associated with it that it had grown into something huge, taking over my life, etc  But then watching it again, as well as being deeply affected, I was also able to enjoy it as the brilliant film it is, taking in the amazing photography, the dialogues, the scenery & all.  By not watching at all I had been denying myself that.  I did feel I should be able to watch it at home by myself to enjoy it but am still am wary cos I know I will fall apart & will not have the solace of fellow Brokies being around afterwards.  I'm in a bit of a limbo state at the moment & to be honest, will probably not be watching it anytime soon. But then again I might surprise myself, with a good stiff drink or several on hand.  Having such a complex reaction to it myself, I find your reaction is perfectly understandable!

What a shame we can't all magically transport ourselves to a theatre somewhere & watch together.
 
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Offline Daniel

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #4 on: March 15, 2007, 03:25:57 pm »
I remember when I first got the DVD and popped it into the player. (The original one, not the Collector's Edition.) I managed to make it to the menu before bursting into tears........
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Why do we accept what we accept?
You have a body, a mind, and a soul.... You have a responsibility.

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #5 on: March 15, 2007, 04:19:28 pm »
At first I thought you meant "tear" as in crying tears, now I think you mean it in the sense of ripping - is that right? Or both ??
What a shame we can't all magically transport ourselves to a theatre somewhere & watch together. 

I meant crying tears but it you're right because it tears my guts out too.   I wish I knew somebody that has been affected like me.   All of my friends have seen it, but they somehow 'got over it.'   For me, the issue is Loss.  I empathize so strongly to that because of my personal history.  And everyone in BBM experiences Loss.  I couldn't watch Alma holding the baby while Ennis brushes by her after the Motel without having a 'white out' - I couldn't hear - I couldn't see anything except white and then slowly I drifted back to reality.  On my 10th viewing, after discovering the emotion with my therapist, I heard Alma cry at the window for the first time.

Oh to see it on the big screen again.  I could only go for 6 times because my attempts to stifle tears became very audible to anyone around me.   Thanks for understanding!

here's some tears...  :'(
br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #6 on: March 15, 2007, 04:26:16 pm »
I remember when I first got the DVD and popped it into the player. (The original one, not the Collector's Edition.) I managed to make it to the menu before bursting into tears........

Coming from you, Daniel, that is very comforting.  I have wondered how your incredible intelligence would affect your emotions.  Now I know....

 :'(
br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Scott6373

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #7 on: March 15, 2007, 05:06:05 pm »
For the longest time, I cried over this film.  My exposure to the story and the film happened at nearly the same time, and at a very emotionally precarious point in my life.  Some other threads have been started about how we move on from the initial gut reactions we had when we first saw it.

I've posted in many places here, that I no longer have a need to watch the film anymore.  It's become one of my special things that I will maybe watch once a year, like my other favorite films.  That did not, however, answer the question of what I was crying over to begin with.

I would love to say that I cried for them. but I realized (just today, OK...well maybe I knew all along but didn't want to admit it), that I was crying for myself.  For the opportunities that I lost.  The stupid decisions I made, and the direction my life was headed in at the time.  It was all for me...sad to say...I know.  I do think though, that even saying this is a manner of moving forward.

Offline LauraGigs

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #8 on: March 15, 2007, 06:18:19 pm »
Quote
Scott: . . . I realized that I was crying for myself.  For the opportunities that I lost.  The stupid decisions I made, and the direction my life was headed in at the time.

Yes. Patrick, you were saying the issue of BBM is loss. To me, Brokeback Mountain is all about regret.  (Although I guess the regret can be over lost opportunities, relationships, et cetera — so maybe this is just semantics.)

But Scott's post makes clear what I wanted to tell you: that in order to "recover" from Brokeback to the point of being able to watch it without being excessively upset, we must work through the issues in our own lives that viewing the film dredges up. Or at least reach a point where we've worked through the issues enough to be able to suspend ('shelve') those emotions a little bit, at least for 2 hours.

Obviously, you're working through some quite painful stuff, and may have some more work to do, yet. But it also looks to me as if there's been a lot of progress — and you should be glad and proud of that. Congratulate yourself, and give yourself time.

Offline Brown Eyes

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #9 on: March 15, 2007, 08:42:16 pm »
To me, Brokeback Mountain is all about regret.  (Although I guess the regret can be over lost opportunities, relationships, et cetera — so maybe this is just semantics.)

This is exactly how I see the central tragedy too.  It's what Ennis is left to "stand" for the rest of his life.  Beyond the obvious sad things like Jack dying...  The more abstract and clawing tragedy is this regret and the tremendous amout of lost time between Ennis and Jack.  So much time together was lost over the 20 years that they were in their relationship that it's hard to even think about.
 :'(
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Offline nic

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #10 on: March 16, 2007, 12:10:11 pm »
......So much time together was lost over the 20 years that they were in their relationship that it's hard to even think about.
 :'(

But you are directed to thinking about it precisely because it's not show in the film.  We weren't subjected to scenes of one or the other morosely staring out of windows or into a bottle accompanied by a hideously obvious soundtrack effectively signalling to us "look, this central character is very sad!!" or whatever. 

As well as that tragic premise of loss, which it's clear to see is heartbreaking for all the main characters, it's the filling in of the masterful gaps by our own minds afterwards with our own spin on it from personal experience.   It is achieved in the short story by AP's sparse style & was so cleverly translated to the screen. Sheer genius, a benchmark of film-making of the highest calibre.   If it wasn't so well done & I didn't love it so, I'd be feeling manipulated!
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Offline saucycobblers

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #11 on: March 16, 2007, 01:44:39 pm »
Having felt the gut-punch of this film for over a year now, and having found no-one in RL to talk it over with (reactions ranged from complete disinterest, hating the film, liking it but not understanding my 'extreme' reaction to it), I had a surprising and lovely experience literally 2 days ago.

I was sat in the pub with some drama group buddies after rehearsal and was discussing films with a guy (who is gay) and he said, with no preamble, "Have you seen Brokeback Mountain?". Thereafter we had an enthusiastic discussion about which scenes made us cry and why, what our first reactions had been when watching it in the cinema etc, and I told him all about Bettermost as well. I'm going through a sometimes painful opening up process with people at the moment about many things I've kept locked away all my life, and that conversation really meant something because of that.

Things I've been spilling my guts about on this board are almost coming out in RL too and it feels like I'm teetering on the edge of some kind of emotional waterfall that I'm scared of but also wholeheartedly embracing as well - just in the nick of time before it putrifies inside me. This film has been part of that process. Like Scott, I cry because I see myself in that film, and now I tend to watch it when I need to unplug a dam I've bottled up and can't let forth any other way. BBM and 'The Bridges of Madison County' are both like emotional therapy for me. At first I needed to physically watch BBM, but now it's such an integral part of me that just thinking about it can sometimes have the same effect.
« Last Edit: March 16, 2007, 01:48:15 pm by saucycobblers »
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Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #12 on: March 16, 2007, 02:42:59 pm »
I said that "I wish I knew somebody that has been affected like me."

Wow! You kind people are just incredible!  I sure see that I am not alone now.  That is SO encouraging.  I just have to deal with the most difficult personal losses in my own life before I will be ready for the next viewing.  You all have shown me that it's OK to do that.  The hardest part about dealing with Losses is "You can't get back what you lost, ever!" so there must be some way to come to terms with that.  I, for now, am clueless!  But I've got a great therapist (who also loves the film) and you all here!  I can't express in words how grateful this 'loner' is!

BTW, the short story had exactly the same effect on me when I read it a few weeks before seeing the film for the first time.   As has been noted, they BOTH hit the same buttons!

Thanks ever so much!  :'(
br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline saucycobblers

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #13 on: March 16, 2007, 02:59:39 pm »
I can't express in words how grateful this 'loner' is!

You might be a loner Patrick, but you're NOT alone! :)

BTW, the short story had exactly the same effect on me when I read it a few weeks before seeing the film for the first time.   As has been noted, they BOTH hit the same buttons!

I read the story between my first and second cinema viewings and it really intensified my reaction to the film. I remember sitting on the bus home after I'd just bought it and being so enraptured and busy trying to hold back the tears that I actually missed my stop!
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Offline BBM-Cat

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #14 on: March 17, 2007, 02:22:28 pm »
Definitely, you're not alone as the many kind and intelligent people here attest. Like yourself, I have not been able to pop the DVD into the player after 6 viewings - it has been almost two months since I have sat down to watch BBM, though there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about it in some aspect. I feel that right now to 'force' myself to watch BBM would be like re-exposing myself to a trauma. It's ok to take a viewing break of BBM - and probably healthily recommended as well. It is incredible as many have described, the powerful emotional hold the movie has had on many of us. I hope you will feel comforted, as an earlier poster alludes, that despite past regrets we have the power to make better decisions and choices in our lives possibly as a result of BBM as the impetus of change. It's wonderful to come that realization. It's ok to continue grieving as well.
Six-word Stories:  ~Jack: Lightning Flat, lightning love, flat denied   ~Ennis: Open space: flat tire, tire iron?

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #15 on: March 23, 2007, 03:08:15 am »
It's ok to continue grieving as well.

That is what I needed to hear because I can't change anything until I grieve my losses.  It will take time & tears but it is so comforting to have people here who understand...

 :'(  br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline LauraGigs

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #16 on: March 23, 2007, 01:29:03 pm »
Patrick, honey, another thing I thought about:  have you thought about doing some kind of mission/charity work? Get outside of your mind a little bit — some new experiences, 'fresh air' for your psyche while you help others who are troubled too. And it doesn't have to be a 'people-person' kind of thing. Just be part of a home-building project, hammering nails and having something to show for your labors at the end of the day.

Sorry I'm rambling. But this might help a lot. My mom does that kind of thing and loves it.

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #17 on: March 24, 2007, 03:50:09 am »
have you thought about doing some kind of mission/charity work?

I lead the Bereavement Support meetings at church.  Several of us have put together a program to help people cope with their loss.  It's cathartic for me.  I also assist at funerals.  And there is a new neighbor in my building that definitely needs some TLC.  I help out as much as I can but I am severely limited because of my mental health.  I have been on Social Security disability for 10 years for Major Depression; chronic; with psychotic features. 

So, there are some times when I just have nothing to give.  That's OK now.  It used to make me feel worse.

 :) br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline BBM-Cat

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #18 on: March 24, 2007, 11:34:21 am »
I think that's awesome that you are getting out there and sharing your pastoral talents with the community as you are able. People with severe depression can often withdraw and abandon efforts to interact with the social world. Sounds like you are trying to make a difference and touch people's lives while you continue to heal. Blessings to you.
Six-word Stories:  ~Jack: Lightning Flat, lightning love, flat denied   ~Ennis: Open space: flat tire, tire iron?

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #19 on: March 25, 2007, 02:12:54 am »
Blessings to you.

Blessings right back atcha!  In many ways Brokeback Mountain has been the greatest blessing in my life for it gave me the impetus to to work through layers of repression and truly experience LOVE  for the first time in my adult life.  I was raised by a mother who used love as a weapon to get me to do what she wanted.  So, I never learned any other kind of love except "conditional love" and I often did not please her and be 'good enough' to receive her 'love.'  The woman also was always sick and dying so it got to the point where I just didn't pay attention to her anymore.   Then on September 22, 1988, I went to visit her in the hospital and she died right in front of me! I have really never recovered because there was so much "unfinished business" with our relationship.  Although I haven't actively 'grieved' her death in many years, I sure understand what that feels like and am able to share coping skills I have learned with others who have lost a loved one.  I have been on meds and therapy ever since my mom died and if ONE person can avoid what happened to my grieving process because of my understanding of what they are going through, then I feel blessed for being a conduit of healing love.   (That's happened many times.)   Thanks ever so much for caring...

peace & blessings :)
br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline BBM-Cat

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #20 on: March 25, 2007, 01:02:06 pm »
Thank you! What a painful journey you have been through - very sorry to hear of your struggles and thanks for sharing so openly. It is extremely difficult when there is a lack of closure when someone dies and there is important, 'unfinished business' as you allude to. Again, I'm glad you have been able to turn your grief outward to be a compassionate soul for those who need comforting. Seems many people have had a similar awakening after experiencing BBM. Just think, your journey of growth over the past 20 years is akin to Jack and Ennis' 20 year journey together....wishing you a peaceful resolution.
Six-word Stories:  ~Jack: Lightning Flat, lightning love, flat denied   ~Ennis: Open space: flat tire, tire iron?

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #21 on: March 26, 2007, 02:00:02 am »
Just think, your journey of growth over the past 20 years is akin to Jack and Ennis' 20 year journey together....wishing you a peaceful resolution.

Never thought of it that way!  Thanks a lot!
 :) br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline Lynne

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #22 on: April 16, 2007, 09:36:45 pm »
*bump*
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Offline loneleeb3

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #23 on: April 17, 2007, 08:17:00 am »
Well Mr Patrick my heart goes out to you!
I am in a similar position that you were. I see you haven't poted on this thread in awile so I hope you are doing ok. The depression I deal with normally has been compounded by the plethera of feelins this movie has caused to re-surface. The total dissatisfaction with my life is also coming to a head and I think I am having a mid-life crisis upon turning40. I really want to read the book but I'm afraid that I will sink further into dispair.
The good news, I have found this board and eveyone here has benn so kind and supotive. I would be a complete basket case were i not to have found this place.
Thanks everyone!
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Offline David

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #24 on: April 17, 2007, 08:30:10 am »
Oh yeah.   I bought a copy of the book after my second movie viewing.    I read the book twice.   I was a basket case after the second reading.    That led to a few days of moping around the house crying.  Staring out the window and crying.     I finally tossed the book into the garbage can so I wouldn't be able to read it again.


It took a while to snap out of it.   The part that helped best was finding other people in the same situation.  First at IMDB, then here at BetterMost.

Many of us stayed up late at nights typing out questions about the movie.   Once we picked apart every little subtle meaning, we were spent.       Even though I own a copy of the movie on DVD I don't watch it.   It is still too painful.


Offline loneleeb3

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #25 on: April 17, 2007, 09:14:54 am »
I'm just not free to grieve right now.
All these feelings, watching the movie and soon reading the book will all be done in private.
It just makes it that much harder.

"The biggest obstacle to most of us achieving our dreams isn't reality, it's our own fear"

"Saint Paul had his Epiphany on the road to Damascus, Mine was on Brokeback Mountain"

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #26 on: April 17, 2007, 09:27:53 am »
I'm just not free to grieve right now.
All these feelings, watching the movie and soon reading the book will all be done in private.
It just makes it that much harder.



Well you're here now, and if there are any bunch of people that can help you, it's us...we're all BBM survivors, and we're here for ya darlin'.

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #27 on: April 17, 2007, 02:45:54 pm »
The good news, I have found this board and everyone here has been so kind and supportive. I would be a complete basket case were i not to have found this place.

I see my therapist twice a month and my psychiatrist every six weeks.   That's the best that Social Security Disability has to offer people with chronic mental problems and if it weren't for God, Bettermost and Lynne, I don't think I would have made it through 2006!

There is so much love here!  I hope in my heart of hearts that you find the answers that you are seeking.   As I mentioned a few posts ago, the Short Story and the Film hit the same buttons for me.  So if you are already hurting badly enough, put off Reading the short story 'til you are in better shape.

Who would have thought that a MOVIE could have the power to motivate people to change their lives?   And the only way through it... is THROUGH IT!
peace and blessings :)
br. patrick
« Last Edit: April 17, 2007, 03:05:47 pm by Br. Patrick »
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline loneleeb3

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #28 on: April 17, 2007, 06:50:32 pm »
I
Who would have thought that a MOVIE could have the power to motivate people to change their lives?   And the only way through it... is THROUGH IT!
Amen. This is a tough one.
Like my buddy Ennis says, there ain't no reins on this one!
"The biggest obstacle to most of us achieving our dreams isn't reality, it's our own fear"

"Saint Paul had his Epiphany on the road to Damascus, Mine was on Brokeback Mountain"

Offline nic

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #29 on: April 18, 2007, 11:54:34 am »
I found the screenplay much harder to read.  I still haven't read it all.  When I first picked it up, it randomly fell open to the page where Ennis gets the final postcard.  It was terrible, all these horrendous emotions crowded my head & I felt physically winded.  I think I have been fairly immune to the short story because of the starkness of AP's writing style.  While I appreciate it academically speaking, it's a tad too sparse to get to me fully.  With the screenplay, the seemingly banal details of who's where etc just brings everything into focus too sharply - like being forced to watch the film in excruiatingly slow motion. 

We have to undergo a medical at work once a year to see if we are fit for our particular type of work & it also touches on emotional issues & the current vogue for how stress influences work performance.  I haven't seen a counseller since college but ended up at my medical last year explaining that I was concerned for my mental/emotional state.  I didn't mention it was cos of BBM, but that was the reason. At that time it had been two months since I'd seen it & I had not joined a forum.  A year later I didn't have to mention it at my medical but was surprised to recall how intensely I'd been feeling at the same time a year ago.  Normally I wouldn't dream of mentioning anything of that nature to anyone unless it was really significant.  There is certainly no doubt as to the significance of BBM, both to the individual & to society & culture at large.
Old Brokeback got us good and it sure ain't over

Offline loneleeb3

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #30 on: April 18, 2007, 11:58:43 am »
Not to sound cliche', but Brokeback got me good.
I'm devestaded. I haven't been this sad since I lost my grandmother.
Seriously, I can't believe I am experiancing this kind of loss, pain and devestation over a movie.
I feel like I'm crazy! I'm just glad to know that there are 914 other crazy people here with me.
It helps alot.
"The biggest obstacle to most of us achieving our dreams isn't reality, it's our own fear"

"Saint Paul had his Epiphany on the road to Damascus, Mine was on Brokeback Mountain"

Offline Artiste

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #31 on: April 18, 2007, 09:00:18 pm »
Thanks loneleeb3 !

What you are experiencing, you know that I am doing so likewise too??

And I saw that many worldwide are, in the same boat as you and I, since the BM movie affects us all!

You have found some more like us?

Hugs!!

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #32 on: April 19, 2007, 09:33:47 am »
A year later I didn't have to mention it at my medical but was surprised to recall how intensely I'd been feeling at the same time a year ago.  Normally I wouldn't dream of mentioning anything of that nature to anyone unless it was really significant.  There is certainly no doubt as to the significance of BBM, both to the individual & to society & culture at large.

Old Brokeback got us good and it sure ain't over...

 :'(
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline Artiste

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #33 on: April 19, 2007, 10:19:39 am »
Thanks, thanks Br. Patrick, and loneleeb3 !!

Yes, that movie sure got to me too; to us all !!

I read about such situations, like ours, many times on other sites too!!

And so glad we are sharing to be more happy!!

Hugs, husg to you both, and to all!!

Offline loneleeb3

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #34 on: April 19, 2007, 10:33:52 am »
Old Brokeback got us good and it sure ain't over...

 :'(
Not sure i want it to be.
I love those boys! How freakin crazy am I? I just said I love two people that exist in a fictional world?
Oh well, crazy or not it's true.
"The biggest obstacle to most of us achieving our dreams isn't reality, it's our own fear"

"Saint Paul had his Epiphany on the road to Damascus, Mine was on Brokeback Mountain"

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #35 on: April 19, 2007, 10:56:46 am »
Not sure i want it to be.
I love those boys! How freakin crazy am I? I just said I love two people that exist in a fictional world?
Oh well, crazy or not it's true.
Lee, you're definitely not alone on this one either. It took me a little while to realize that part of what I was feeling in relation to Brokeback Mountain was love...love for Ennis and Jack, both as individuals and as a couple. One of the respondents to my first substantial post on the IMDb board put it so beautifully; they wrote that "first you fall in love with Ennis and Jack, and then you fall in love with their love."

Ennis and Jack are fictional characters, but what they represent is very real. I hope to use this love that their story has engendered in me to apply to my life as a whole, because I think that is one of the finer ways I could honor what their story means to me.

Offline Artiste

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #36 on: April 19, 2007, 11:21:31 am »
Thanks, thanks moremojo, and loneleeb3 !!

Yes, I and you plus so many others want Ennis and Jack, as if they are real!!

I have seen some gay men meet and live together too, as real couples!!
And this is becoming less rare!! Thank goodness!!

Somehow, they found themselves and work at it!!
I remember seeing a couple who found themselves in a gay bath!
Another, through ad in the gay newspaper and letters
( I found many who became friends this way in my own experiences!)
Some do find another guy in bar(s), I never did except one who became a very good friend;
I do not go to gay bars anymore. I guess I seek like in the BM movie now??

I wonder if one has also to plan such: to find another?? I think so!!
Some I heard found themselves on the internet, months communicating with each other!!
Wow, wow, that is great, great!!

At least the internet helps us here too!!

Any other ideas how to find another gay man, possibly as a futur partner, pal/lover??

Hugs, hugs!!

moremojo

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #37 on: April 19, 2007, 11:39:55 am »
Hi, Artiste--

For someone like me, a gay man with very bad 'gaydar', I have to put myself into situations where I know a lot of the other men around me will be gay...precisely like a gay bar. Unfortunately, I don't feel very comfortable at bars, especially not by myself, and I don't drink alcohol anyway; I haven't been to a bar (gay or otherwise) in many, many years.

I think it's important to not put all your eggs in one basket. For me, this means not focusing exclusively on finding that romantic/sexual connection, but also being open to meeting new friends, where sexuality may not even be part of the equation. This includes (for me) developing friendships with women and with gay/bi men who are in committed relationships. By making yourself more open emotionally in general, you allow that healing energy of love to flow more freely, and it can reward you sometimes in surprising ways. Loving someone (anyone) unconditionally is its own reward, and I believe a spiritual attainment of the highest order.

Most importantly, just be yourself...as much as possible, honor your truth in every situation and environment in which you find yourself. The universe will reflect back what you give out to it. Romantic and sexual fulfillment may not be part of the plan for all of us, either...that may be a frightening statement, but I think it is true. But that doesn't mean that such lives need be unhappy or in vain. By cultivating areas in addition to those of romance and sexuality, we become a more whole person, regardless of who we are. And wholeness will always be its own special and sweet kind of fulfillment.

Offline loneleeb3

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #38 on: April 19, 2007, 12:00:16 pm »
Hi, Artiste--

For someone like me, a gay man with very bad 'gaydar',  ;D

Romantic and sexual fulfillment may not be part of the plan for all of us, either...that may be a frightening statement, but I
Yeah, I think I'm gonna have a problem with that too if I ever get to the point where I can test it out. Hell it took me 40yrs to be sure about myself.

Thats what i want though, the Romance and the sex. I want to experience all of that but with someone i love and more imprtantly who loves me. I think that is what has been lacking my whole life.
I want that tenderness of the dozy embrace or in the hotel room.
I want love and fulfillment. Who doesn't though?
"The biggest obstacle to most of us achieving our dreams isn't reality, it's our own fear"

"Saint Paul had his Epiphany on the road to Damascus, Mine was on Brokeback Mountain"

Offline Artiste

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #39 on: April 19, 2007, 01:01:05 pm »
Thanks, thanks moremojo, and loneleeb3 !!

Wow, wow what you two say is a lot for me to think about!!

I will need time to answer too!!

For now, I do not want an end like in the movie, even if some are like Ennis ( and will have only one man as Jack even if Jack has died!) !!

My pal/lover has died like Jack I figure, even if I tried to save his life!! And, I am sure that he (Wayne) would/will /does want me to continue loving him,  as well now as others, especially another possible partner/lover, I am sure of that having known him for a few years!!

Life I am realizing is like steps; so we each go from one to another step. I know that I will find one for mutual love, as I just have to plan seeking that!! Somehow! I pray for that!!

Any ideas guys,

hugs, hugs!!



moremojo

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #40 on: April 19, 2007, 01:35:43 pm »
Thats what i want though, the Romance and the sex. I want to experience all of that but with someone i love and more imprtantly who loves me. I think that is what has been lacking my whole life.
I want that tenderness of the dozy embrace or in the hotel room.
I want love and fulfillment. Who doesn't though?
All of these things are definitely worth pursuing. There is beauty and meaning in the pursuit, even if perhaps we won't necessarily all obtain that which we desire. (I'm writing as someone who has so far been "unlucky" in these areas).

That is why I was trying to emphasize, to myself as much as to anyone else reading, the importance of all the forms that love can take. The romantic and sexual faces of love are so powerful and rich that we can lose sight of the perhaps cooler but no less important aspects of love between friends or love between family members. And in those areas, I haven't been "unlucky" at all--just the opposite!

I really do hope, Lee, that you find the fulfillment that you seek and deserve as a human being. I believe that is an experience of which all people should at least taste a glimmer at some point in their lives.

Offline Artiste

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #41 on: April 19, 2007, 02:28:21 pm »
Thanks moremojo !

Like Lee and I, you must have had a similar experience to ours??

You will surely.

Seeking that is important too, right!! ??

Hugs!!


moremojo

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #42 on: April 19, 2007, 06:42:37 pm »
Hi again, Artiste--

I have had the privilege of becoming intimate with some very wonderful, special people in my day, but the closest I have come to falling in passionate, head-over-heels love (the kind of love we associate with Jack and Ennis) was back in 1990, when I was twenty-three and had been out for only a little over a year. I met a very handsome, very masculine fellow who was a little older than me, but who was only then coming to terms with his homosexuality--he had had experiences with women, but never with a man.

I became his first male lover when we started dating that year. I was very sexually attracted to this guy, though from early on I could tell there were some fundamental differences, possibly even incompatibilites between us. I overlooked all this in light of the strong animal passion I felt for him, in addition to those qualities that he possessed and that I felt I lacked: confidence, strength, and courage. In short, he seemed like a man of the world, while I still felt like a timid teenage kid on the inside.

After a month of dating, he abruptly broke off relations with me, citing political incompatibility ( ???) and the fact that he no longer found me attractive. Tact and empathy were not among this fellow's strong suits. I felt devastated...bewildered, hurt, angry, insulted, and lovelorn, all rolled into one. I had really come to have strong feelings for this man; in fact, I felt that I had fallen in love with him.

This was the beginning of a long grieving process that lasted about a year. Friends and family were astonished by the intensity of my reaction, as was my ex-boyfriend, since I had only known this guy for one month. Surely, they reasoned, one month was not long enough to fall in love with somebody. And yet, here I was, having those feelings that I could only name as love.

Looking back on this episode, I recognize how immature I was in so many ways at that time, and that a lot of my response had to do with a deep-seated lack of self-esteem. Being rejected by someone who seemed to have so much going for him, who seemed to have it all together, just brought it to the fore. And yet there was love there, too...there simply had to be, in spite of the protestations of those around me that this could not be so. I don't know how "genuine" or "deep" the love might have been, compared to what others have experienced, but I still recognize this as the closest I have come to bearing witness to what falling in love feels like.

I have gone on at such length to say that, in a way, I think I've had some experiences similar to what you and Lee have described. And I certainly know how much I yearn for that special bond, that meeting of souls that Ennis and Jack enjoyed, that kind of union that might be described as Love as its Grandest and Highest Expression.

Offline Artiste

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #43 on: April 19, 2007, 09:18:28 pm »
Thanks moremojo!

Wow, wow, your true story is overwhelming!! I say that since I had a similar story when I was young,
falling in love with a neighbour nearly my age, but even if I slept in his bed, we never had sex and to this day I do not know if he is a gay man!! That was tough to take and still is somewhat so as a memory!

I have had many sexual experiences since, thank goodness. And some very good friendships. Even one I considered my lover (who is now deceased).

I long for that joy between Ennis and Jack again I had, and seek it now!!

Thanks very much moremojo and may you find your partner/lover/pal!!

Hugs!!

Offline loneleeb3

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #44 on: April 20, 2007, 12:17:36 pm »
All of these things are definitely worth pursuing. There is beauty and meaning in the pursuit, even if perhaps we won't necessarily all obtain that which we desire. (I'm writing as someone who has so far been "unlucky" in these areas).

That is why I was trying to emphasize, to myself as much as to anyone else reading, the importance of all the forms that love can take. The romantic and sexual faces of love are so powerful and rich that we can lose sight of the perhaps cooler but no less important aspects of love between friends or love between family members. And in those areas, I haven't been "unlucky" at all--just the opposite!

I really do hope, Lee, that you find the fulfillment that you seek and deserve as a human being. I believe that is an experience of which all people should at least taste a glimmer at some point in their lives.

Well, I've tasted the glimmer and I want the whole light show!
I'm just afraid I am too old, jaded, un-attractive and carrying toooooo much baggage to ever get it.
I do have some wonderful friends and a great family but it's not the same, it's not enough for me.
I need to be needed, loved etc. That part of the problem in my marriage, for the last 12 yrs I have been starving for affection.
Alos, if I ever do get it I know I'm going to lose some of the family and friends I have now.
"The biggest obstacle to most of us achieving our dreams isn't reality, it's our own fear"

"Saint Paul had his Epiphany on the road to Damascus, Mine was on Brokeback Mountain"

Scott6373

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #45 on: April 20, 2007, 12:23:46 pm »
Well, I've tasted the glimmer and I want the whole light show!
I'm just afraid I am too old, jaded, un-attractive and carrying toooooo much baggage to ever get it.


Get over this.  You know in your heart of hearts that it is not true, you're using it as an excuse.  You have great worth, and lots to give someone, who knows how to accept it.


Alos, if I ever do get it I know I'm going to lose some of the family and friends I have now.


Fact is, if they cut you off because of this, are they really the kind of people you want around you?  The honest attempt at being the authentic you is the toughest, bravest, and most rewarding work you can do.

Offline loneleeb3

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #46 on: April 20, 2007, 01:22:41 pm »
Get over this.  You know in your heart of hearts that it is not true, you're using it as an excuse.  You have great worth, and lots to give someone, who knows how to accept it.
Friend, I'm just not as convinced. But I have spent many years in guilt and denial beating myself up and down as well as pushing my true feelings as far down as I could. It may take a lot of time to get over it.
I have a lot of learning to do as well as catcing up in a small amount of time.
"The biggest obstacle to most of us achieving our dreams isn't reality, it's our own fear"

"Saint Paul had his Epiphany on the road to Damascus, Mine was on Brokeback Mountain"

Offline LauraGigs

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #47 on: April 20, 2007, 01:26:51 pm »
"By making yourself more open emotionally in general, you allow that healing energy of love to flow more freely, and it can reward you sometimes in surprising ways."

Jesus — you are so wise, Moremojo.  I've always enjoyed your posts ever since your first one on IMDB.  I'm so looking forward to getting to meet you in Colorado!!    :-*

Scott6373

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #48 on: April 20, 2007, 01:28:00 pm »
Friend, I'm just not as convinced. But I have spent many years in guilt and denial beating myself up and down as well as pushing my true feelings as far down as I could. It may take a lot of time to get over it.
I have a lot of learning to do as well as catcing up in a small amount of time.


All the feelings you have are normal, but one day...probably soon, you will realize that ultimately the gulit will accomplish nothing, other than allowing you to make the positive changes you need to, and that you already are making.  I tink you're well on your way, but don't go so fast...everything in its time

moremojo

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #49 on: April 20, 2007, 02:03:04 pm »
I'm so looking forward to getting to meet you in Colorado!!    :-*
:-* and  :D  to the nth degree!

Offline Artiste

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #50 on: April 20, 2007, 03:42:29 pm »
Lee: Guilt is mainly a waste of time as said, indeed, when you did nothing wrong!!
But I feel something like guilt at times for not having been married and  for not having a child or children,
and I know that I did my very best to make myself happy and to create that happiness to with others
!! So, I feel that you are lucky in many wondrous ways!!

You will be more and more happy, that is the aim for you and for everyone!!

You will get that, as you are starting to create happiness, by working at it!!

Always glad to get your news Lee,

Hugs!!


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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #51 on: April 23, 2007, 04:13:58 am »
No one has mentioned the incredibly intimate non-sexual love a gay guy can have with a WOMAN.   I won't say it, but they used to call them FH's.  Sadly, I lost my girlFriend of 9 years when I took her to see BBM last year on January 26.  I know this hit on unresolved issues in her marriage because I knew her so well.  This Easter she sent me an Internet Easter Greeting Card.  I replied that I was just about in the same place I was when we were last together.   Then I gave her the URL for this thread.   She never wrote back.

For some reason this is typical for me.  I have these really close intimate non-sexual relationships with women and then they end abruptly.   It's been that way since High School.   In many ways, Lynne Steele has been a really special friend as she drew me out kicking and screaming from my Loner status.  Then she introduced me to the wonderful people here on Bettermost.  The weird thing is we both registered on the same date, me about 5 hours before she did.  She is a WONDERFUL person as is Milli, the artist who does the incredible fan-art.  I've developed cyber-relationships with these women that are about as close to the real thing as it is possible.   Don't know how I would be if I never had met them!

Bottom line:  GirlFriends are one of the best things about being gay!

Peace  :D
br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline Artiste

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #52 on: April 23, 2007, 09:41:22 pm »
Sure Br. Patick, a lady friend is great!

So is a straight and/or a gay man too!!

If you are a gay man, it is posible to have a great gay pal too!!

Even some...

hugs!

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #53 on: July 02, 2007, 04:19:30 am »
I've had one BIG change that all of you helped me with.   I used to think my Epitaph was REGRET.   I would only remember things about my past that fired up this pathological (in me) feeling called REGRET.   But I am making progress.   My feelings toward my past have changed...


My new Epitaph is "I SURVIVED"

All of you helped me get to this milestone and I thank you all for your caring support!

hugs~
br. patrick ;)

And!  My GirlFriend of 10 years and I have had a reunion.  We both are astonished that we ever broke up!  But it wasn't her fault, it was mine.   I went into months of complete isolation after we broke up.   Then along came Lynne Steele and the rest pulling me out of my pit and into the light of caring people.

Indeed, Brokeback got me good!    and it sure ain't over...
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #54 on: July 02, 2007, 10:17:54 pm »
BTW, I am a 65 y/o straight woman with 2 children and a grandchild.  It affected me like no other movie I have ever seen.  I have been analyzing that emotion for a long time but I think it is regret and loss - which is a universal experience.
Merrily

Your homespun attributes are just like so many people here.  There are quite a few 'Grandmothers' and Bettermost has been made a better place because of their presence.   Thanks for responding.  Your words have comforted me.

Hugs~ :)
br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline TheravadaAskesis

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #55 on: July 02, 2007, 11:21:21 pm »

 Br. Patrick,

 I'm happy you've reunited with your GirlFriend (I think the new PC term for FH is queer magnet :D). I'm currently needing to do the same. Emily and I have been friends since we were 14 (now we're 28) and we lived together for 6 years, but it's almost a year since we've hung out on a regular basis and weeks since we've seen each other at all. I don't know where this urge for self-isolation comes from but it's strong. I think the urge to cut off and not acknowledge the people who are important to us has something to do with a fear of our own emotions. It's part of the reason I can identify with Ennis so strongly. It's also the reason watching the movie kicks the crap out of me everytime. It reminds that I need to move forward a change myself, to not be so isolated and afraid. But it's not as easy as it sounds. It's one thing to know something consciously and on an intellectual level, it's quite another to actually follow through emotionally. Even writing this post is difficult, I know the response will not be negative, but the fear is still there. I think one of the great things I've learned from Brokeback is to acknowledge that the fear is there. It allows me to make a conscious choice about whether or not to allow it to make decisions for me. Not an easy choice, but at least the choice exists. Breaking patterns of behavior is difficult, but as my therapist told me taking the difficult choice and overcoming the fear should get easier over time. Meanwhile it's best to just constantly remind ourselves that we are worthwhile until we start to believe it for ourselves. I'm not sure if any of this applies to you, and forgive me if I've overstepped my boundaries, but your honesty inspired me to be honest too. I hope things continue to get better for you. "I Survived" is a great epitaph to have.

                                                                  TheravadaAskesis

                                 

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #56 on: July 03, 2007, 12:49:11 pm »
Br. Patrick,
I don't know where this urge for self-isolation comes from but it's strong. I think the urge to cut off and not acknowledge the people who are important to us has something to do with a fear of our own emotions. It's part of the reason I can identify with Ennis so strongly. It's also the reason watching the movie kicks the crap out of me everytime. It reminds that I need to move forward a change myself, to not be so isolated and afraid. But it's not as easy as it sounds. It's one thing to know something consciously and on an intellectual level, it's quite another to actually follow through emotionally. Even writing this post is difficult, I know the response will not be negative, but the fear is still there. I think one of the great things I've learned from Brokeback is to acknowledge that the fear is there. It allows me to make a conscious choice about whether or not to allow it to make decisions for me. Not an easy choice, but at least the choice exists. Breaking patterns of behavior is difficult, but as my therapist told me taking the difficult choice and overcoming the fear should get easier over time. Meanwhile it's best to just constantly remind ourselves that we are worthwhile until we start to believe it for ourselves. I'm not sure if any of this applies to you, and forgive me if I've overstepped my boundaries, but your honesty inspired me to be honest too. I hope things continue to get better for you. "I Survived" is a great epitaph to have.

                                                                  TheravadaAskesis

                                 

You and I have a lot in common.  I couldn't have expressed better how fear and isolationism can sabotage our chances of a better life.   Stop being a Tourist.   Sign In.    This a really great place to just be yourself.

peace~
br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline Clyde-B

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #57 on: July 03, 2007, 02:07:01 pm »
   Meanwhile it's best to just constantly remind ourselves that we are worthwhile until we start to believe it for ourselves. 

                                 

I remember this.  Wanting proof that I was worthwhile.  Wanting to be loved as proof that I was lovable, that I should be loved.  How does anyone prove that?

And then I discovered I was asking the wrong question.

The question I was askiing was: "How do I believe I'm worthwhile."  "How do I believe in myself?"

The real question was "Why had I stopped believing it?" 

I could vaguely remember a time when I did believe.  And then people had started saying things and I began to doubt.  All these years I had complained about the terrible things said and done.  And it suddenly hit me.  The problem wasn't what they had said.  It wasn't what they had done.  The problem was that I had believed them.  They were older.  They were wiser.  They must know.

With their own problems and battles to get what they wanted out of life, I had been suckered into believing them over believing in myself.  They had enlisted me as my own enemy.

Who is right about you?  Who are you going to give the power to make that decision?


 

Offline Clyde-B

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #58 on: July 04, 2007, 09:02:49 am »
Clyde, boy can I identify with that.  I think my self-esteem was so vulnerable to negativity, that the least little thing tipped me over the line.  I'm too sensitive - I began to believe that I wasn't worthy.  It all started when I was a kid, but as I got older I pulled myself out of the hole I'd been in out of my sheer will.  I think back when I was "on top of the world" and wonder how I got there and what took me back down there.  It took only one person and one word.    Thanks for that image.  That helps so much Clyde.  How much do I owe you for the therapy session? 

Thanks, Merr.

If it helped you, I'm very glad.

Seeing the power of my own fear and realizing that I was actually letting other people define who I was to me, was such a big epiphany, that I share it whenever I thnk it might help. 

Offline Artiste

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #59 on: October 04, 2007, 05:57:26 pm »
BM still tears me up!!

Guess because life is hard??

Even for gays in Canada and the USA??

Or??

Hugs!!

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #60 on: October 05, 2007, 04:09:23 pm »
My 12th watching was intense, as usual.  But it prepared me for my near-death experiences.   So, it was GOOD.  My handkerchief was STIFF from tears and snot the next day, like it had been starched.  LOL

{{CyberHugs}}

br. p
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline Artiste

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #61 on: October 06, 2007, 11:26:18 am »
BM still very much tears me!!

And it seems it is much more than a film for us gay men??

Hugs!!

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #62 on: October 06, 2007, 05:19:29 pm »
BM still very much tears me!!

And it seems it is much more than a film for us gay men??

Hugs!!

My cousin has signed on board.  She became a fan after watching the film twice!  (Just twice?)  And she understands why this film gets to me which is good!

{{Cyberhugs}}

br. p
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline Artiste

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #63 on: October 06, 2007, 05:29:02 pm »
Oh!!

What does she say about it??

About a gay man like I being affected greatly by this fim and/or Annie's story??

Hugs!!

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #64 on: October 06, 2007, 05:56:40 pm »
Oh!!

What does she say about it??

About a gay man like I being affected greatly by this fim and/or Annie's story??

Hugs!!

Why don't you ask her?  Send a Personal Message to Deets.  (PM)   Mention that I told you to ask her this.  Truth be told, I forgot exactly what touched her EXCEPT she didn't notice that the Shirts had been reversed until the second viewing!

I would love my friends here to welcome her.   She is my first cousin and we grew up under nearly identical circumstances - which is why we're such misfits.

{{Cyberhugs}}

br. p
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline Artiste

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #65 on: October 06, 2007, 06:39:52 pm »
Deets, is on here?

Can not find  as Deets!

How to do so?

hugs!

Offline Shasta542

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #66 on: October 06, 2007, 06:55:34 pm »
"Gettin' tired of your dumbass missin'!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #67 on: October 07, 2007, 03:16:38 am »
Here is the page for "DEETS", Artiste:

Thanks for your help~!

{{Cyberhugs}}

br. p
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline Artiste

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #68 on: October 07, 2007, 09:53:56 am »
I did send her a message.

No reply yet.

Hugs!!

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #69 on: October 08, 2007, 06:02:33 am »
I did send her a message.

No reply yet.

Hugs!!

Great!  I'll email her and make sure she logs in~!

{{Cyberhugs}}

br. p
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline Artiste

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #70 on: October 08, 2007, 10:05:58 am »
Thanks Br. Patrick!

I look forward communicating with her and you!!

Did she see the film or read Annie's book??

Hugs!

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #71 on: October 08, 2007, 03:05:14 pm »
Thanks Br. Patrick!

I look forward communicating with her and you!!

Did she see the film or read Annie's book??

Hugs!

I wrote and told her to expect Personal Messages on BetterMost and I also directed her to THIS thread.  She saw the film, and liked it so well she saw it again.  She's straight, her sister isn't, so she's is getting more and more comfortable with gay people in general.

{{Cyberhugs}}

br. p

PS: check out my near-death thread.  Awesome experience~!
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline Artiste

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #72 on: October 08, 2007, 03:13:21 pm »
Thanks!

That will be changing for her, you, I and others.

I learn every day! Even here!

Uncommunicative society here becomes a communicative one?

Hugs!

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #73 on: October 08, 2007, 03:20:57 pm »
Uncommunicative society here becomes a communicative one?

Hugs!

We're on a roll now...
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin