Author Topic: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?  (Read 22018 times)

Offline Br. Patrick

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • Brokeback Got Me Good
  • *****
  • Posts: 764
  • "So what're we gonna do now?"
I've got the Collectors Edition.  Seen all of the extras twice.  Nice.  But Everytime I try to watch the film for the 12th time, I just can't.  It's like walking into a firestorm of tears.  I know it's going to pull my guts out inch by inch and I don't think that I am strong enough, psychologically, to do that to myself.   Anybody else having similar reactions?  Or am I a loner this way just like I am in real life...


 ???
br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline Brown Eyes

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 10,377
Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2007, 10:36:39 pm »
No, I don't think you're alone in this reaction at all.  My responses to BBM have shifted dramatically from time to time over the past year that it's been a constant presence in my life (which is sort of an amazing role for a movie to play when you think about it).  I no longer can count how many times I've seen it on DVD (especially because I often can't bring my self to watch it all the way through... I often turn it off right after the reunion because the 2nd half is often too much for me to handle... so I'd have to count in halves to get anything like an accurate count... so I've given up).  Anyway,  currently I can't really watch it either without getting too upset.  It used to be the 2nd half that really knocked me out... but now more and more it's the whole movie.  I'm thinking this phase will pass one of these days soon.  I know I won't be able to go too long without watching it.

Hang in there Bud!  You know that around here you're surrounded by folks who understand the kind of reaction you're talking about.  So, I hope the forums can bring some comfort.
the world was asleep to our latent fuss - bowie

Offline Br. Patrick

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • Brokeback Got Me Good
  • *****
  • Posts: 764
  • "So what're we gonna do now?"
Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #2 on: March 15, 2007, 12:50:23 pm »
Hang in there Bud!  You know that around here you're surrounded by folks who understand the kind of reaction you're talking about.  So, I hope the forums can bring some comfort.

Thanks for the encouraging words!  Not one day goes by without me thinking of some scene, usually 2 or 3 times a day.  I just break into tears.  I remember it TOO well.

And also, for a reason that I sure don't understand, I don't WANT it to end...  So, I feel like Ennis riding up on that ridge after the first tent scene, being pulled in at least two directions at once.

 ???
br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline nic

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • Brokeback Mountain Resident
  • *****
  • Posts: 248
  • No man is an island
Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #3 on: March 15, 2007, 01:30:51 pm »
At first I thought you meant "tear" as in crying tears, now I think you mean it in the sense of ripping - is that right? Or both ??

I haven't watched it by myself at home at all & was actually extremely apprehensive about doing so until a while ago when I was fortunate to see BBM on the big screen again with some fellow Brokies (even though I am very much a loner in RL too).  At this viewing, as well as being blown away as expected, on another level I somehow felt quite relieved & had a sense of "it is only a film", & I mean that in the sense that prior to this I had built up so many emotions etc associated with it that it had grown into something huge, taking over my life, etc  But then watching it again, as well as being deeply affected, I was also able to enjoy it as the brilliant film it is, taking in the amazing photography, the dialogues, the scenery & all.  By not watching at all I had been denying myself that.  I did feel I should be able to watch it at home by myself to enjoy it but am still am wary cos I know I will fall apart & will not have the solace of fellow Brokies being around afterwards.  I'm in a bit of a limbo state at the moment & to be honest, will probably not be watching it anytime soon. But then again I might surprise myself, with a good stiff drink or several on hand.  Having such a complex reaction to it myself, I find your reaction is perfectly understandable!

What a shame we can't all magically transport ourselves to a theatre somewhere & watch together.
 
Old Brokeback got us good and it sure ain't over

Offline Daniel

  • Counsellor
  • BetterMost 1000+ Posts Club
  • ******
  • Posts: 2,139
  • I lost myself to him.
Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #4 on: March 15, 2007, 03:25:57 pm »
I remember when I first got the DVD and popped it into the player. (The original one, not the Collector's Edition.) I managed to make it to the menu before bursting into tears........
Why do we consume what we consume?
Why do we believe what we believe?
Why do we accept what we accept?
You have a body, a mind, and a soul.... You have a responsibility.

Offline Br. Patrick

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • Brokeback Got Me Good
  • *****
  • Posts: 764
  • "So what're we gonna do now?"
Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #5 on: March 15, 2007, 04:19:28 pm »
At first I thought you meant "tear" as in crying tears, now I think you mean it in the sense of ripping - is that right? Or both ??
What a shame we can't all magically transport ourselves to a theatre somewhere & watch together. 

I meant crying tears but it you're right because it tears my guts out too.   I wish I knew somebody that has been affected like me.   All of my friends have seen it, but they somehow 'got over it.'   For me, the issue is Loss.  I empathize so strongly to that because of my personal history.  And everyone in BBM experiences Loss.  I couldn't watch Alma holding the baby while Ennis brushes by her after the Motel without having a 'white out' - I couldn't hear - I couldn't see anything except white and then slowly I drifted back to reality.  On my 10th viewing, after discovering the emotion with my therapist, I heard Alma cry at the window for the first time.

Oh to see it on the big screen again.  I could only go for 6 times because my attempts to stifle tears became very audible to anyone around me.   Thanks for understanding!

here's some tears...  :'(
br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline Br. Patrick

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • Brokeback Got Me Good
  • *****
  • Posts: 764
  • "So what're we gonna do now?"
Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #6 on: March 15, 2007, 04:26:16 pm »
I remember when I first got the DVD and popped it into the player. (The original one, not the Collector's Edition.) I managed to make it to the menu before bursting into tears........

Coming from you, Daniel, that is very comforting.  I have wondered how your incredible intelligence would affect your emotions.  Now I know....

 :'(
br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Scott6373

  • Guest
Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #7 on: March 15, 2007, 05:06:05 pm »
For the longest time, I cried over this film.  My exposure to the story and the film happened at nearly the same time, and at a very emotionally precarious point in my life.  Some other threads have been started about how we move on from the initial gut reactions we had when we first saw it.

I've posted in many places here, that I no longer have a need to watch the film anymore.  It's become one of my special things that I will maybe watch once a year, like my other favorite films.  That did not, however, answer the question of what I was crying over to begin with.

I would love to say that I cried for them. but I realized (just today, OK...well maybe I knew all along but didn't want to admit it), that I was crying for myself.  For the opportunities that I lost.  The stupid decisions I made, and the direction my life was headed in at the time.  It was all for me...sad to say...I know.  I do think though, that even saying this is a manner of moving forward.

Offline LauraGigs

  • Moderator
  • BetterMost 1000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 2,447
    • My Design Portfolio
Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #8 on: March 15, 2007, 06:18:19 pm »
Quote
Scott: . . . I realized that I was crying for myself.  For the opportunities that I lost.  The stupid decisions I made, and the direction my life was headed in at the time.

Yes. Patrick, you were saying the issue of BBM is loss. To me, Brokeback Mountain is all about regret.  (Although I guess the regret can be over lost opportunities, relationships, et cetera — so maybe this is just semantics.)

But Scott's post makes clear what I wanted to tell you: that in order to "recover" from Brokeback to the point of being able to watch it without being excessively upset, we must work through the issues in our own lives that viewing the film dredges up. Or at least reach a point where we've worked through the issues enough to be able to suspend ('shelve') those emotions a little bit, at least for 2 hours.

Obviously, you're working through some quite painful stuff, and may have some more work to do, yet. But it also looks to me as if there's been a lot of progress — and you should be glad and proud of that. Congratulate yourself, and give yourself time.

Offline Brown Eyes

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 10,377
Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #9 on: March 15, 2007, 08:42:16 pm »
To me, Brokeback Mountain is all about regret.  (Although I guess the regret can be over lost opportunities, relationships, et cetera — so maybe this is just semantics.)

This is exactly how I see the central tragedy too.  It's what Ennis is left to "stand" for the rest of his life.  Beyond the obvious sad things like Jack dying...  The more abstract and clawing tragedy is this regret and the tremendous amout of lost time between Ennis and Jack.  So much time together was lost over the 20 years that they were in their relationship that it's hard to even think about.
 :'(
the world was asleep to our latent fuss - bowie