One Man Men

[JT]

Scott, that is so cool!  I can't remember if I ever had a Brokeback dream yet or not, but I dreamt about the actors before.

[Momof2]

I think many people lack hugging even touching in general.  In today's world we hardly get to hug or touch another person, especially men.  So I think hugging is very therapeutic in many ways.  Jack and Ennis definately lacks touching, so when they touch, sparks seem to fly.  They seem so at peace when they can freely touch or hug each other.  It's wonderful to have this cyber group hug.  lol

I am a very affectionate person.  I do have to be careful sometimes.  Some people do not like to be touched.  I think that is so sad.  To me there is nothing more comforting and loving than a gentle pat or hand on your arm.  My son calls them "love pats".  One of the only men that works for me just found out his wife has cancer.  While talking to me he was crying.  I just automatically hugged him.  I thought "Oh, God what have I done."  Well, he must have really needed it because he got me in a "hug lock" as my son says.  He said, I know I am a man and not supposed to show emotion.  I said, Oh, bull.  You are a husband that loves his wife and are devastated.  You have every right to cry and I have a million more hugs were those came from.  I am glad that God gave me love to share and a heart that is happy and always willing to love.  I hug my children so much.  I want them, especially my son to know it is okay to show your love and compassion for anyone.

[JT]

I think many people lack hugging even touching in general.  In today's world we hardly get to hug or touch another person, especially men.  So I think hugging is very therapeutic in many ways.  Jack and Ennis definately lacks touching, so when they touch, sparks seem to fly.  They seem so at peace when they can freely touch or hug each other.  It's wonderful to have this cyber group hug.  lol

I am a very affectionate person.  I do have to be careful sometimes.  Some people do not like to be touched.  I think that is so sad.  To me there is nothing more comforting and loving than a gentle pat or hand on your arm.  My son calls them "love pats".  One of the only men that works for me just found out his wife has cancer.  While talking to me he was crying.  I just automatically hugged him.  I thought "Oh, God what have I done."  Well, he must have really needed it because he got me in a "hug lock" as my son says.  He said, I know I am a man and not supposed to show emotion.  I said, Oh, bull.  You are a husband that loves his wife and are devastated.  You have every right to cry and I have a million more hugs were those came from.  I am glad that God gave me love to share and a heart that is happy and always willing to love.  I hug my children so much.  I want them, especially my son to know it is okay to show your love and compassion for anyone.

You're absolutely right about that.  Very good point.  It's no wonder we all lack hugging because some people see it as sexual harassment and some just don't like it period.  Some people would cry "sexual harassment" when you just pat them on the shoulder.  That is why I only hug people that are very close to me and never at work unless they start hugging first.  I'm glad you're able to comfort him.

[Front-Ranger]

Two of my absolute favorite wordless moments in the movie are when Ennis embraces Jack in a hearty hug. THe first is in the reunion scene, natch, and the second is in the post-divorce scene. The sound effects--the whump--when they come together and the sheer magnetism of the two men are breathtaking!

[silkncense]

Couldn't agree more, Frontranger!  They show such pure joy in just seeing each other.  I love seeing people hug.  In many cultures it is automatic but not so much in the US - God forbid most men should hug.  What a shame.  At least they are moving forward with the handshake / shoulder bump / backslap kinda thing.  Come to think of it, I was rather raised that way - not a very huggy family but I make a point of hugging my sons lots!

When I met up w/ other Brokies in SF - I'd barely said "LJ" when Eric had me in a big bear hug.  Then hugs from all the rest.  How warm & welcoming.  The best sort of greeting.

And, studies have shown that babies don't thrive without hugs, holding & touching.  I wonder that humans in general suffer the same without it.

[HerrKaiser]

I think many people lack hugging even touching in general.  In today's world we hardly get to hug or touch another person, especially men. 

Interesting observation and life experience; I am wondering what part of the country in which you live? When I started out in busijness in the 1970s, men and women only shook hands. Since about the early 90s, hugging by women after a few meetings became somewhat standard, and men now often hug as a greeting/goodbye in place of hand shakes, both business and, for sure, social.

[Momof2]

I live in the south.  Bible belt.  I think women are in "general" more affectionate.  Not always.  I work with several that would die if you touched them.  My husband is not an overly affectionate person.  Not to adults anyway.  With our children he is totally different.  I think he realizes that and does not want to instill that in our children.  Especially not our son.  He is only 4.  I want him to know it is ok to touch and kiss and SHOW affection.  My husband is all for it.  He told me one day, we can instill it now, but I promise in a few years it will disappear.  I know he means when he gets older.  I said I know but it is nice now and he will always have the foundation of love and affection.  I told him that later in life he would be able to look back and know what it is to show love. 

Touch is extremely healing.  In the physical and mental sense.  My son was premature and I held him so much because I wanted him to know me.  Sometimes all I need is a hug or little pat.  I do it sometimes to others to realize too late that maybe I shouldnt have.  I do not apologize, I just dont do it again. 

I am only 35 yo.  My mother calls me the the touchy feely going to heal the world person.  I just smile.  If only it were that simple.  I would have a callous from hugging so many people.

[HerrKaiser]

What you say makes a great deal of sense and if it works for you, all the more reason to continue to make it work in your life.

for me, and perhaps many others, I am not the hugging type. i prefer to keep touching beyond a hearty hand shake reserved for more special encounters or more special people. and as such, I do not consider myself any less caring or affectionate. Same is true, for me, with "I love you". I think it's used far too much amongst non-loving situations and its impact gets watered down.

But, that's what makes the world go 'round!

In fact, one of the very few scenes in the film I thought to be unrealistic was Ennis and Jack hugging upon greeting after Ennis' divorce. This was 1977, middle of Wyoming, in front of his kids. No way. That kind of greeting truly only started among men toward the 90s, and then usually among the so-called urban sophisticates.

[serious crayons]

In fact, one of the very few scenes in the film I thought to be unrealistic was Ennis and Jack hugging upon greeting after Ennis' divorce. This was 1977, middle of Wyoming, in front of his kids. No way. That kind of greeting truly only started among men toward the 90s, and then usually among the so-called urban sophisticates.

Interesting point, Herr Kaiser! Hadn't thought of that. That's one anachronism I don't mind, though.

Back for a moment to regional touching differences. I'm from Minnesota, and when I lived in New Orleans in the early '90s, the hardest thing to get used to was kissing. Hugging I could handle, no problem. But kissing? Coworkers would kiss if they ran into each other at a movie theater. The only time a Minnesotan would ever kiss a coworker is if they got too drunk at the Christmas party.

I moved back to Minnesota after seven years and, in a way, it was a relief. But then again, I kind of missed it. I notice people are starting to do more kissing here now.

[HerrKaiser]

Moving a tad off hugging....another thread had a post whose writer said he expected Ennis to meet another man and develop a new relationship.

I don't see that in ennis at all. He is a quintessential one man man. His relationship with Jack is not primarily about sex; in fact, as noted in other posts, Ennis had a warmth and caring disposition toward Jack before the sex ever started, and it was clear Ennis was inwardly frustrated that Jack required the sex to make the relationship more complete.

Ennis is a swan. he moves like a swan. he acts like a swan. he lives like a swan. He'll die like a swan.