Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > The Lighter Side
The "I am Sooo like Ennis" thread
ednbarby:
I am sooo like Ennis in that every time I hear the wind howling, I'm reminded of Jack.
Rayn:
I am so like Ennis, and this is serious here, ok... I feel like Ennis because I lost my first great love to an illness long ago and my second after the romance died and then the friendship disintergrated.
I have friends, but am without a partner, a loved one, and I'd be better with one. I'm isolated in a foreign country where I work doing what I want and like, makng good money, so it's a wonderful job, but because of where I live, I have few chances of meeting anyone like me.
Sometimes, I feel like Ennis did after he lost Jack, very down. I feel lost and lonely and I don't know just where to turn. I say friends help, yes, I have some good ones, but they're nothing like a good partner.
I know I have to do something to change this and I have big questions before me...
Should I leave my job for one nearer a bigger city where I might meet someone? I could move back home where I'd face certain unemployement.. but that would be no good. Should I stay where I am and just travel out to larger cities? It's tough to know. My mind says, be reasonable, keep your good job and just explore larger cities for more social connections, then if better work is there or you meet someone (miracles do happen!), I could move. I feel the clock ticking. I'm middle aged now... Like Ennis. "I can't quit this one and I can't git the time off.."
I am so like Ennis because I have a future, but I face it alone right now, I miss being with a loved one, I know I have to do something to redirect my life. I'm a bit afraid, lonesome, a bit tired, but I'm willing to go on and keep trying, I have to keep dreamin'...
I think Ennis was feeling like that in the end and he too would come to a similar conclusion after a while. If anyone feels the same or has ideas, feellings or thoughts that might help, please ... Let me hear from ya.
YaadPyar:
Hey Rayn -
No answers of any kind, but appreciation for you being so honest and true. Thanks for that. And lots of good wishes.
Front-Ranger:
I think U should do what your heart tells you and take trips to larger cities, also connect with people cybernetically as you are doing, and make plans to change jobs. Get a job that fits with your life, not the other way around. We are human beings, not employees. Sometimes I think companies prefer it when their employees are single, moving around a lot and not able to put down roots. It makes things convenient for the employers. But we are not ants, we are people, and without human connections, we shrivel up and die inside. Don't move anyplace before you have a new job or at least some friends in the new location. But do it, because jobs are just jobs, not to be confused with life. You too can say, "I reckon they can just get another cowboy." Go for it!!!!!!!!!
nic:
Hi Ryan,
I think that you are on your way to saying yes to some of the questions you raise. Like an Ennis, you will not feel comfortable taking action until you are truly ready, even though you could cope more than adequately if you did take action earlier or were forced to take action earlier. Like an Ennis, it may well take a while to think on these things but the fact you are thinking on them, infers that at some level, you do want to take action. Be aware that the self-protection measures we build up can end up doing more than their original job and being too over-protective. Of course all the while you're thinking, the situation can change & maybe a whole new opportunity may suddenly present itself, you never know...Don't put too much pressure on yourself, do make use of your friends in the ways that they can be supportive to you & most of all, be thankful you have loved deeply & that you have friends around you now. As Front-Ranger said, human connections are the most important thing in this life. That's what BBM taught me.
Just a few words from a fellow Ennis,
nic
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