Our BetterMost Community > Chez Tremblay
Heath Heath Heath
Nikita111:
--- Quote from: MaineWriter on January 28, 2008, 08:09:21 am ---I think I grieve backwards. :(
Last week, Tuesday and Wednesday, I was in shock. Then Thursday morning, I had my visit with Heath and I was just happy and relieved because I knew in my heart that he was okay. That feeling lasted a few days and yesterday (Sunday) I was actually starting to feel normal again and think about the week and things I needed to do and so on. Then last night--I had a lousy night, tossing and turning--my head was filled with images and thoughts and I feel like I haven't slept at all. So now I am edgy and depressed, and feel like I have been wrung out. I just watched Daniel Day-Lewis's acceptance speech at the SAG awards and that has me sobbing my heart out.
It reminds me so much of the early days of BBM fever....
Thanks for listening.
L
--- End quote ---
I know that a lot of pain is inside our hearts and bodies. I think you kept the grieving locked inside of yourself. Whatever people say tears are healing.
I am still in horrible stress and pain but I am fighting, trying to surround myself with positive things. But I still feel like something inside me is crying even when I laugh.
Meryl:
As I was telling RouxB, it's almost as hard to watch fellow Heathens being torn up as it is to grieve the incalculable loss of Heath. Even our closest friends and family are unable to grasp the attachment we've formed to him over these past two years. I've given up even the thought of trying to explain it to them and just keep it close to my heart. Last night's speech by Daniel Day-Lewis helped to open up tears that had been unable to break through the numbness and disbelief I'd been feeling all week.
Hang in there, Friends. I know it will get better, but time takes time. :(
Penthesilea:
--- Quote from: Meryl on January 28, 2008, 12:04:16 pm ---As I was telling RouxB, it's almost as hard to watch fellow Heathens being torn up as it is to grieve the incalculable loss of Heath. Even our closest friends and family are unable to grasp the attachment we've formed to him over these past two years. I've given up even the thought of trying to explain it to them and just keep it close to my heart. Last night's speech by Daniel Day-Lewis helped to open up tears that had been unable to break through the numbness and disbelief I'd been feeling all week.
Hang in there, Friends. I know it will get better, but time takes time. :(
--- End quote ---
Thank you Meryl for this post.
No explaining to people unable to understand, yes. But at the same time this means being forced to fake normalcy and having nobody in RL who is just there.
All the more reason to be grateful for our community. And yes, I have to admit I feel a special bond between us Heathens.
Mikaela:
--- Quote from: Penthesilea on January 28, 2008, 12:38:19 pm ---Thank you Meryl for this post.
No explaining to people unable to understand, yes. But at the same time this means being forced to fake normalcy and having nobody in RL who is just there.
All the more reason to be grateful for our community. And yes, I have to admit I feel a special bond between us Heathens.
--- End quote ---
I second this, every word. Yes, every word.
I keep stalking you around the board, Chrissi.... :o
MaineWriter:
I just had a long talk on the phone with Fred (pastorfred). He saw my comment about grieving in reverse and said, "It's not in reverse...you are just going through the stages in the order you are supposed to." And he reminded me...
Denial -- that feeling of numbness
Anger -- I don't remember being so angry, but maybe I was. I know others here have felt intense anger and expressed it.
Bargaining -- which came in the wake of my visit with Heath. Sort of like, "Oh, we talked and I'll be happy now if you tell me you are okay."
Depression -- where I am today
Acceptance -- where I'll get to someday...soon, I hope. Sigh....
He also reminded me that I need to do what I need to take care of myself--which might mean, putting some work projects on hold, telling people I can only do what I can do right now.
I am just sharing this as a reminder to all of us. I am so glad you are all here and grateful for your support. And guess what? We will muddle through.
Peace and love,
Leslie
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