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Jack's Ramblings

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jstephens9:
Here is a story from my youth which was very important for me to put down into words:

Bill Stockton

It's funny to think that someone you remember so well from your distant past when you were growing up would probably not remember you while in your mind it is almost as fresh as the days it happened in. I can't say for sure that he would not remember me, maybe he would, but I kind of think it is doubtful.

My parents always ever year went to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina for our family vacation. We always went for two weeks. My times down there were probably the most pleasant memories of my childhood. I absolutely, totally, and completely loved the Pavilion which to me was an amusement park and heaven although it was also an arcade and a place where teenagers and others danced. Sadly, and that is another story, the Pavilion was demolished in late 2006. I went to the last night of its existence and in my mind that was the best trip and decision I ever made. That place was part of me, part of my existence.

When I was around 14 my parents and I made our usual pilgrimage to Myrtle Beach. I had no idea about mine or anyone else's sexuality, but looking back it was plain and simple that I was attracted to guys. We stayed at the Yachtsman, another place that will always have very special memories for me. I saw another young guy at the pool who I felt drawn to. Oh to be friends with him, I wanted that so much. I remember lying down on one of the pool lounge chairs and lighting a cigarette. I'm sure I was probably looking at him. He was a dream to me at the time. I wanted so much for him to come up and say something and he did. He asked for a cigarette and I gave him one. His name was Bill and he was from Cincinnati, Ohio. As we talked those feelings inside of me were so strong that I really could not have described it then nor can I describe it now. For that time in my life, Bill became everything to me. I remember that we went up to his parent's room and I remember his father telling me that their last name was Stockton, like the city in California. They offered us sandwiches, but I have no memory of whether I had one or not. My mind was in a place where only Bill existed. All I wanted to do was be where he was. Nothing in the world mattered at that time but him. Of course I couldn't and didn't tell him that.

We made plans to go to the Pavilion that night and of course the intention was that we would meet girls. I didn't care about the girls. I already had found what I was interested in. My parents and I had to go to some restaurant that night. That was very important to them to go to a good seafood restaurant. I was so worried I would miss my date with Bill that I was a nervous wreck all through dinner. We made it back and there was no Bill anywhere to be found. I went up to his room and his parents said he had left to meet me. Poor ole Bill was stuck in the elevator and I guess if he could ever remember anything about that time it would be that.

Bill and I had our date that night although I will never know if he considered it that. Probably not, but nobody will ever really know that. We rode the rides in the Pavilion together. I remember we were standing in line for the Octopus and he told me that he was joining the Army. He looked about the same age as me, but he said he was 16 or 18, I can't really remember which. It is so funny to think that way back then I was worried about my man joining the Army and getting hurt. We did meet some girls that night, but he was as awkward about that as me. I remember we met them back in some remote part of the park, but nothing happened. I think they were ready to go, but neither of us was interested in what they had in mind. We walked back to the hotel and I never saw him again. I tried to locate him, but I never did find him. I still think of him or I don't guess I would be writing this.

We were supposed to see each other the next morning, but my father decided to leave earlier than I expected. I tried to go by his room, but I knew they were all asleep. I was so heartbroken. I knew he was going to be staying a couple of days longer and I prayed that I could stay to be with him, but of course that did not happen. We left Myrtle Beach. I was in the back seat lying towards the back trying to hide the sounds of how many tears were flowing from me. It was one of the saddest times of my life. I remember my parents saying something about my aunt was coming down there and I wanted to know if I could come with her. They thought I was just upset about leaving the beach, but I was upset about leaving Bill. We never even had the chance to exchange addresses or anything. It was the end. That winter, in February I ran away from home, which is yet another story. I ended up in Myrtle Beach and I really think now that it had something to do with trying to recapture that special time in my life. Running away was related to something else, but ending up there was related.

It seems that my life always has to have a song to remind me of a time and a place. I have no idea where I heard this song at that time, but I think it was walking through the Pavilion arcade. I hear this song now and it still reminds me of Bill, that time, and that summer. It is only fitting that I end this story with the words of that song. The song was “Glory Bound” by The Grass Roots which was a popular beach song of the time.

Glory Bound by The Grass Roots

All the sun on the outside
Doesn't touch what I feel within
When I've got you beside me
I'm reachin' out for the rainbow's end
You get to me and give me a feelin' that's comin' on
Gettin' stronger & stronger

CHORUS:
Glory bound to that everlastin' feelin'
Glory bound, oh I'm never never comin' down

It's 5:00 in the mornin'
I'm lookin' out on a sky of gray
I don't care, let the rains come
If I'm with you it's a sunny day
You make me feel so close to heaven
Whenever I'm beside you

(chorus)

I need the comfort I see in your smile
I need the touch of your hand
Come on & bring out the best in me
Don't you know that you can

injest:
my God, Jack that is a powerful story. I wish you could have found him again...

{{{Jack}}}

jstephens9:

--- Quote from: injest on April 05, 2008, 07:43:10 am ---my God, Jack that is a powerful story. I wish you could have found him again...

{{{Jack}}}

--- End quote ---

Thanks Jess. I'm glad you liked the story and I'm glad you commented on it. Sometimes I think it is good to go back to memories such as these to help figure out how you got to where you are now. I think we are all built on things that have happened to us along with all the memories that are written in our mind. I wish I could have found him again too. There are people in your life who you loose who may have only been around briefly, but they are in your mind forever. There are some other people who I lost as well and I hope to write about each of them. My short time with Bill is a wonderful, but sad, memory. Sad in the fact that I never had a way to say goodbye. Wonderful in that the experience is a part of my life. You would not believe how many times I called directory assistance in Cincinnati hoping to find his number. However, the number would have been listed under his father's name. I tried to find him for many, many years but I never did. I even remember the state of Ohio and the city of Cincinnati had special meaning for me for years. I guess it still does in a way, but I have never been there.

Shasta542:
That was a very bittersweet story, Jack. Too bad you couldn't convince your dad to stay a little longer. We didn't question our parents much back then, did we? At least I didn't. They were SHOCKED any time I was against what they said. LOL.

You can go to google and get the white pages. There are probably tons of "Bill Stockton" entries, but you can narrow them down with age and maybe even area if he didn't move much. If you ever have a spare few days that is!

Sometimes I think it is good to go back to memories such as these to help figure out how you got to where you are now. I think we are all built on things that have happened to us along with all the memories that are written in our mind.

That is so true!! I think about that a lot, Jack. Like -- what if I'd started school one year earlier or one year later -- I would have been exposed to all different classmates. No telling how things would have turned out differently with just that one little change. I married a guy in my class. Would I have not married him if I'd been in another grade? Who knows. My best friend now is my best friend from Jr. High--would we have even gotten to know each other if we were in separate classes? It's really weird to think about!

Penthesilea:

--- Quote from: HAL on April 05, 2008, 12:11:48 pm ---That is so true!! I think about that a lot, Jack. Like -- what if I'd started school one year earlier or one year later -- I would have been exposed to all different classmates. No telling how things would have turned out differently with just that one little change. I married a guy in my class. Would I have not married him if I'd been in another grade? Who knows. My best friend now is my best friend from Jr. High--would we have even gotten to know each other if we were in separate classes? It's really weird to think about!

--- End quote ---

OMG Shasta  :o. Are you leading my life?  ;)
When I read about going to school one year earlier or later, I had exactly the same thoughts. Who knows what difference it would have made in my life. Because I also married a guy from my class and my best friend is also a woman from my class (well, the last two years I have had another woman becoming very, very close, but the first one I have for more than twenty years now, same as my husband).
I feel very blessed and thankful that I met tow people at school who are truly my soulmates for more than 20 years now.

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