I am not a regular movie goer, mainly because I just dont think to go to the movies, but for some reason, I watched the local papers here waiting to see when Brokeback Mountain was going to come to our local theatre.
The movie had all ready opened in the Capitol cities, but I live in a large country town, and knew that it would be a month or two before it was released here.
I had recently become friends with a lady in town, and mentioned to her that I was waiting for BBM to be released, she said, she was too, so we said we would contact each other when it happened.
It was early March 2006, finally, and I rang my friend and we arranged to go to a morning session on the second day of release here. Most of the audience were women, but there were a few men who I guessed were probably gay.
I had read only one review of the movie, which did not shed much light on the movie, I remember the "gay cowboy" phrase, and in my mind I was thinking it would be cowboys in the old wild west, and I was intrigued how they were going to portray a gay theme for those times.
So my first shock was when the 1963 date came up on the screen, and I think it was then, that I realized that this movie was not going to be anything like I imagined.
To say, I sat there spellbound, is an understatement, at times I thought someone had written a story about my own life.......as one of Ennis's children. I could actually feel myself gulping air, sometimes even wondering if I was going to miss taking a breath.
I must admit, I did not understand a lot of the dialogue, and strained to decipher what was being said at times, particularly by Ennis. I did not understand the dozy embrace, thinking that there was a production error there somewhere, because one minute Jack had a moustache, and next minute he didn't. When Ennis was waiting for Jack after the four years, I kept thinking that Jack was going to break Ennis's heart, by not responding to the reunion, the same way, as I could see Ennis so excited about it....then when they had that memorable embrace, my fears were put to rest....only to be physically sickened when Alma opened the door and saw them.....and then another fear set in, as to what was going to happen now.
Then the rest of the movie, was will they end up together, why does Ennis have to be so dam paranoid, the frustrations, made me want to stand up and yell out....for Christ sake, be together, stay together, it will work out.
And then Jack getting killed.....I must admit I was one of the many viewers, who did not notice the DECEASED stamped on the postcard, so when Ennis started talking to Laureen on the phone, was when I realized that Jack was gone, and then the scene showing him getting bashed, was, I assumed, was the way he had died. The feeling of finality for Ennis, the thought that for the rest of the movie there would be no more Jack and Ennis together, made me feel so empty.
And then the shirts at the end.......I honestly could hardly breathe, and I was sobbing like a baby.
I walked out of the theatre, like I had just been in a different lifetime, that I had been carried away to be included in Jack and Ennis's life. At the same time, I was feeling like I had been there before, that I had been part of it all before......and I had in my own life.
I couldn't even speak to my friend who had been with me. I walked to my car, and I sat there, and I remember pouding the steering wheel, and crying, even yelling, not even sure what I was saying, but I could hear this loud noise coming out of my throat, mixed in with the sobs.
I went back to the theatre three more times in the following two weeks to see it again. I couldn't stop talking about it to my family and friends, but I soon realized they just did not understand what I was feeling.
Then I got the idea to look it up on the net, to maybe read some more reviews, or to try to get some more information on the movie, and also to give me a bit more insight into so many things in the movie that I did not understand. I just wanted to get as much information about it as I could.
I went into Yahoo, because that was my main search engine, and while browsing, I found the Yahoo message board on BBM. OH thank goodness, I thought, I am not the only one going crazy over this movie. I think I read every post written on that board. Eventually I made my way to Bettermost, and here I am, still here, still fascinated by how a movie can move so many people, bring so many people together, change so many people's lives.
Whoever did it, howevever it happened, I would never want to change this journey.
