Our BetterMost Community > Chez Tremblay
user names
opinionista:
--- Quote from: MaineWriter on March 17, 2008, 06:59:07 am ---I think in the real old-fashioned etiquette, a woman went by "Mrs. John Doe" (using her husband's name) if she was a widow, and "Mrs. Mary Doe" (using her first name) if she was divorced, assuming, of course, that she didn't take back her maiden name when she got divorced. This would be to differentiate "Mary" from the new "Mrs. John Doe" who would be her ex-husband's second wife.
Sort of ridiculous, isn't it?
--- End quote ---
I've never understood why in the USA women lose their lastnames when getting married. And if they want to keep it they have to ask the court! WTF? In Puerto Rico women keep their last names upon getting married. And the children legally go by both their dad and their mom's last name, as they do in Spain. Like this "Mary (insert dad's lastname) (insert mom's lastname)".
MaineWriter:
--- Quote from: opinionista on March 17, 2008, 07:26:00 am ---I've never understood why in the USA women lose their lastnames when getting married. And if they want to keep it they have to ask the court!
--- End quote ---
Actually, no, that's not true. When a woman gets married, it is the only time she can legally change her name without going to court. But it is not required by any law that a woman must change her name when she gets married--it is just a tradition. So, if a woman (like me) chooses not to change her name, she doesn't need to do anything. For me, nothing changed. License, credit cards were all the same. And I didn't have to go to court to keep my name.
L
injest:
--- Quote from: malina on March 16, 2008, 11:21:01 pm ---hmm... I don't remember if it made him happy. I think, because I was so young at the time, it wasn't something that was taken seriously. I think it was just stated as a fact - because there were only girls in the family, of course the name would not be passed on. You know what, though? I kept my last name, and I always will, and I always knew I would, but I didn't end up passing it on after all! My daughter has her father's name. She has my last name too, but we didn't hypenate it, and so it's officially one of her middle names, which is very old fashioned. Of course, some members of my extended families insist on calling her by my surname and ignoring her real last name... when they address cards to her and stuff. Well, that's just silly family politics..
As to why I did it that way... you know, I'm not quite sure. It doesn't feel strange to me that my daughter and I don't have the same last name. It never has.. maybe it should, but it doesn't. At the time, I did it that way because - well, because I could tell that he, her father, wanted it to be that way. And as it turned out, he passed away when she was 15 months old, and I've always felt glad that she has something from her father, and that sense of belonging in his family. It's almost like I feel her 'belonging' with me is such a simple and constant fact that the name seems irrelevant, but with her father's family, it could have gone either way - the sense of belonging, that is - but I'm glad it is the way it is.
It's interesting, though! Just writing this, I can see how the issue of family names has an element of 'laying claim' to people, somehow... or is that just my weird family? :-\
--- End quote ---
I see it as more of a sense of unity...as being part of a group. There is something intangible about names but to me a family with everyone having last names seems disjointed...like a patchwork quilt...nothing wrong with it but just a feeling that the union isnt as strong. When you see a family where the kids all have different last names (and I am thinking of a family I know that has three kids and four different last names) shows a family that has been thru a lot of upheaval in the course of the kids lifes and that is not a great thing.
southendmd:
I have an aunt (a widow of a certain age) who insists on being called "Mrs. John Southend". When her newest daughter-in-law addressed the Xmas card to "Mrs. Mary Southend" she let it be known that she was insulted!
MaineWriter:
--- Quote from: southendmd on March 17, 2008, 07:53:08 am ---I have an aunt (a widow of a certain age) who insists on being called "Mrs. John Southend". When her newest daughter-in-law addressed the Xmas card to "Mrs. Mary Southend" she let it be known that she was insulted!
--- End quote ---
She should be grateful that her newest daughter-in-law was sending a card at all!
L
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