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telling people off
forsythia12:
Remember when jack tore right into L.D. newsome?
Remember when cassie gave ennis a piece of her mind?
Or alma confronting ennis about his 'fishing trips'?
are you one for telling people off when you've had enough?
are you confrontational or does it take a long time to reach your limit before you explode?
do you let things just pass, or are you one of the first people to say something?
got any good stories of a time when you told someone 'where to go'?
forsythia12:
omg this thread is very lonely. i guess i'll reply to my own question
for me, whenever something happens, or someone pisses me off, it takes me like hours to figure out a comeback, or my side of the story. it really sucks. by the time i think of what i'm going to say, the topic is dead or over. i wish i could think on my feet better, but i usually feel unsure about my thoughts until it's too late if i were jack at the table with L.D., i probably wouldn've came up with that comeback the next day.....and done it in a letter or something.
i would be more like cassie or alma, who had quite some time to think about how hurt they were, and what they wanted to say if given the chance with ennis.
needless to say, i'm not good at arguments, especially if it's with someone i don't know very well.
if someone is really rude, like a cashier, i usually don't say anything, and then it sits in my head all day and i think how pissed i really am.....
anyone else this pathetic, or do you speak your mind in a timely manner?
my husband has got the temperment of a saint. yes, he's blown up at me over silly stuff once in a while, but usually he's very patient, and doesn't let things bother him like i do. he's also not one to confront...he just let's it slide off his back so easy. i wish i was more like that because i know that i let things bother me to much, and to top it off, i don't do anything about it.
:-\
forsythia12:
--- Quote from: susiebk on March 06, 2008, 10:01:36 pm ---Okay, I'll bite. I used to have a fair amount of strife in my everyday life, and then 2 things happened.
(1) I attended a workshop on how to be a better communicator.
(2) My husband and I attended a weekend relationship workshop that (and I do not exaggerate) saved our marriage.
Some of the groundrules of the workshop were that you can never lash out in anger or criticize. If you have a gripe, you have to ask your significant other to clear time for you (within 24 hours), and then there is a very specific kind of dialogue that is allowed. It gets past the anger into the hurt beneath and brings out the empathy of your other rather than defensiveness. It really works when you stick to it. And amazingly there turn out to be not that many things worth going through this process for, so most of the time you just get along. The only time we argue these days is when we forget what we have learned.
The workshop was based on the teachings of Harville Hendrix, and our workshop was conducted by someone named Rick Brown. His web site is www.rickbrown.org. He is pretty well known. Check it out.
But back to your question, my natural state is to be quick to anger and to take things personally. It has taken a lot of work to get past that. And sometimes I regress, especially when something seems unfair or unjust.
--- End quote ---
thanks for that susiebk. that was usefull......and i'm glad you decided to post.
Katie77:
I worked in customer service as a loans officer for a credit union for 10 years and we did several courses on how to handle customers.
One of the main things we learned was to stay calm and supportive if a customer was angry.
At times it was very difficult, but once the other person realized that it was a one sided yelling match, they soon settled down, and became reasonable, sometimes even feeling a bit foolish for their outburst.
In my normal life, I find that I am more angry and outspoken if I am defending members of my family or my friends, more than if I am defending myself. Sometimes I just show a subtle type of anger....a look, or a few heavy words then walk away.I think I use the "make THEM feel guilty" approach.
Of course there are times where I can swear worse than a sailor, and reach decibles that would crack a window, but as I've got older, these are fewer and far between now.
forsythia12:
--- Quote from: Katie77 on March 07, 2008, 02:05:14 am ---I worked in customer service as a loans officer for a credit union for 10 years and we did several courses on how to handle customers.
One of the main things we learned was to stay calm and supportive if a customer was angry.
At times it was very difficult, but once the other person realized that it was a one sided yelling match, they soon settled down, and became reasonable, sometimes even feeling a bit foolish for their outburst.
In my normal life, I find that I am more angry and outspoken if I am defending members of my family or my friends, more than if I am defending myself. Sometimes I just show a subtle type of anger....a look, or a few heavy words then walk away.I think I use the "make THEM feel guilty" approach.
Of course there are times where I can swear worse than a sailor, and reach decibles that would crack a window, but as I've got older, these are fewer and far between now.
--- End quote ---
yeah, i can relate to a lot of what you say. i can definately be quick to anger, but a lot of the time i'm kicking myself for not saying something at the time of the incident. i don't mean blowing my stack over everything, but i tend to swallow what i'm feeling, and walk away, or stay silent.
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