Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > Brokeback Mountain Open Forum

Parents and children

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nic:
I have a personal angle on this theme: seeing the film version of BBM helped ease some of my anxieties about being a parent in myself in the future.  I have Ennis characteristics: built a shell around me, not open to many others, etc & other personal "baggage" that has always made me feel worried about having a family because of these types of personality traits, increasingly so just recently as I am at the age where I shouldn't leave it too much longer.  To see Ennis have that great father-daughter relationship with Alma Jnr was wonderful for me, as it reassured me that the unconditional love between a parent & child can naturally come to those who are emotionally reticent in other relationships. And the depth of it can help sustain either side through the really tough times life throws at us.

I know there are many examples in other situations but in BBM it shone through to me because I became so involved in the story for all the other aspects that make it a great story.  I'm not one to usually be wishy washy or what other people might call "silly" about such things so it's quite strange for me to draw comfort from a story like this.  It settled my worries in this respect & for that I am very grateful. But it is after all a human story and includes the full spectrum of human emotions.  Now I just have to worry about all the other practical stuff of having kids!!  :laugh:

serious crayons:

--- Quote from: Penthesilea on June 14, 2006, 04:35:14 am ---Greedy, selfish and undisciplined? Did he see the movie at all? It was just the other way round

--- End quote ---

Another excellent point. How is going on a few fishing trips each year "greedy, selfish and undisciplined"? From the kids' perspective, it doesn't matter whether they were fishing or not -- most parents go out of town once in a while without the kids being permanently scarred. And you're right, Penth, in a sense the whole movie was about Ennis not being greedy, selfish and undisciplined enough.

jpwagoneer1964:
Will said Mikaela. I think both Ennis and Jack were both good fathers. If it came down to it I think jack woukd be very reluctant to leave Bobbie behind, Ennis thought that through for him.

jpwagoneer1964:

--- Quote from: Penthesilea on June 14, 2006, 04:35:14 am ---I javascript:void(0);
Angry
I'm really fed up with people who think it's a mother's job to stay at home and cluck around the kids 24 hours a day linke a hen, meanwhile the father's "sacred" duty is to make enough money.

 



--- End quote ---
Studies show that where there is a stay at home parent,especially very young children, children have much higher self esteem, get better grades, very less likely to to drugs etc. It is much better for parents to raise their own children, rather than leaving it to day care.

Penthesilea:

--- Quote from: jpwagoneer1964 on August 21, 2006, 12:37:04 am ---Studies show that where there is a stay at home parent,especially very young children, children have much higher self esteem, get better grades, very less likely to to drugs etc.
--- End quote ---

"Studies show..."
Well, one of the first things I've learned about studies and statistics is the following: Never trust in any statistics unless you've faked them yourself.
I know it's kind of cynical  and unfair, because you can counter any argument with this sentence. But it shows us to be careful with any kind of studies and statistics as a general rule.

I happen to have dealt with this very topic during my studies. There's a special part of psychology which adresses to the development of children. I hope I translate it right, I think it's called "Developmental psychology" ("Entwicklungspsychologie" in German, if anybody can help me out here). Hope you know what I mean.

Most studies I've seen say (in a nutshell) that the proper development of children into healthy, well-adjusted persons depends not on the question whether or not the main attachment figure of a child is working or not. But the more weightily impact is the contentment of the main attachment figure with his/her personal working/not working situation.
Understood that only the impact of the working/not-working situation of the main attachment figure is taken into account of what I said.

Now add the fact that in real life there are many more factors of influence to the development of children. And the fact that psychology, pedagogics and similar sciences do often deal with soft-data.

(Excursus: again I hope my translation is correct or at least understandable. For example: how do you measure self-esteem? High self-esteem, low self-esteem? Depends on the definition the scientist prefers and on the variables he therefore chooses = soft data
Hard data = anything you can measure exactly, you can count: How tall is the average male US citizen? Which is the average annual temperature in Anchorage? And so on.
I don't have the vocabulary of scientific language in English, so please forgive that I have to explain long winded.)

Given the factors I mentioned, I simply do not believe the equation you set up. Hope that doesn't sound rude (if so, this one is to apologize:  :-*). And sure you don't have to agree with me, it's ok to have different opinions.

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