~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%

[Daniel]

Righto, I'm back let's go.  Sorry about that, I've been throwin' up at tha drop of a hat lately.  Must've been all that cherry cake I ate at tha reunion.  Ever been to a college reunion Jack?  I dunno why I bothered going ta mine, but it was so great to see how bald everyone is after all this time.  'Cept me of course.  I have always had the most gorgoeus hair.  Ahs voted ' Charm Queen' three years runnin' back in school. All those jealous bitch skanks in my frat were so envious.  D'ya like me hair Jack? The colour's natural ya know. How'd ya like ta be pickin' mah natural hair afrom ya teeth fer the next coupla days? So, let's go git some lovin'!  My car or yours?

YOUNG JACK:

Car, what car? Why do we need to go to a car?

((Apprehension settles uneasily on Jack's shoulders.))

**Has she got an unnatural obsession with her natural hair or is it just my imagination?**

((Jack considiers taking the heed of his pants, which seem to be straining away from Lureen as much as possible, but he was lonely and hadn't seen hardly noone willin' ta give him the time a' day since Jimbo got snatched up by Bimbo. Still he thought this Lureen gal was just a little odd and had a few habits too hot to handle.))

[Ray]

Awww shuddarp an' git in!

[saucycobblers]

Still at EnnisEllis Island...

((It's all coming back to JBB in vivid, lotion-curdling detail... the Sheep Pee Whiskey... the soft lighting... the dulcet tones of Kenny Gee playing seductively over the sound system  ... the strange and yet oh-so-familiar touch of towelling on the back of his knotted ridge...))

** Whatcha waitin' fer Butt Cream? A maitin' call?**

((Aching for TERRY, yet needing 100% cotton comfort wherever he could find it to softener the gnawing emptiness in the pit of his snap-shut lid, JBB gave in to his drunken lust and told the wefted ministering angel he wanted it fast, and he liked the direction it was going.

The foolish JBB surrendered himself to this...


But one top-grade lidache later he woke up next to this...


And then JBB had noticed the piece of paper on the sideboard...))

[alec716]

(( TERRY CLOTH, all bed-rag-gled from his family warsh cloth duties and lookin' like Jenny peed on him before placing him on her head, feels the vibe of JBB and thinks...  ))

TERRY CLOTH:

**  That JBB is gonna tube-time me with Bun-een?  Wasn't her father in the Israeli government, Yitzchak Rab-bit-een?  Could be a long four effen' years (and a million regrettable puns  , even longer than those two effen' ears ) for both of us until that postcard arrives!  **

[YaadPyar]

** The FSD has just returned from a refresher course on Feng Shui and food.  The concept of yin and yang relate to food in terms of having a balance in color, flavors, and textures. Certain foods  have yin or cooling properties, while others have warm, yang properties.  The challenge is to eat a diet that contains a healthy balance between the two.**

** The FSD notes that when treating illnesses, an Oriental physician will frequently advise dietary changes in order to restore a healthy balance between the yin and yang in the body. For example, let's say one suffers from nausea and vomiting caused by consuming too many chocolate-covered sausages (yang); the remedy is likely a prescription for herbal teas to restore the yin forces.  It is the the balance and contrast between ingredients in each dish that is important. **

%% Judging by the lovely assortment of foods Lureen's been craving, the FSD wonders if Lureen's sickness is caused by a yin/yang imbalance....or, could it be something else!?!?!     %%

[saucycobblers]

ENNIS'S PERKY-PRINT JAMMY PANTS -
&& Dream on, Little Squirt....   looks like these JAMMY PANTS are gonna have to kick some BUTTer.  Yer gonna end up tube-tied if I catch you slimin' yerself all over a certain warshrag.

=Realising his earlier faux pas, JBB would like to clarify the exact location of his majestic, watery entry onto Brokeback soil once more. He realises now that the Queen Lizzie 2andahalf docked at Lidberty Island and not EnnisEllis Island, but he only got a year a high school afore the transmission went on the damn pickup an' all the travellin' he'd ever done was round the bathroom cabinet lookin' for the shavin' mirror  =

((Later, lying on his soft, slumbersome bed covered with soft 100% brushed cotton sheets (Oh TERRY!!!) at the Siesta Motel...


...JBB was finding their claims to 'Paradise' rather over ambitious. But it was indeed very clean...

Bun-een is prodding JBB's recyclable rear and fiddling with his lid in an effort to tempt her new husband into makin' some emolient ecstacy. JBB snores loudly in an attempt to avoid the furry fiend's amorous advances))

%% I'm gettin' the strangest feelin' that TERRY's bin' in some sticky situations since I bin gone. Had the strangest dream about... whut was it?... some kinda fruit-based preserve in the form of a nocturnal garment...%%

[alec716]

** The FSD has just returned from a refresher course on Feng Shui and food.  The concept of yin and yang relate to food in terms of having a balance in color, flavors, and textures. Certain foods  have yin or cooling properties, while others have warm, yang properties.  The challenge is to eat a diet that contains a healthy balance between the two.**

JBB
%% I'm gettin' the strangest feelin' that TERRY's bin' in some sticky situations since I bin gone. Had the strangest dream about... whut was it?... some kinda fruit-based preserve in the form of a nocturnal garment...%%

(( TERRY CLOTH is amazed by the feeling that he and JBB can somehow still communicate tele-reg-ically (no, not telepathetically!), even though that postcard is still about three effen' years away.  ))

TERRY CLOTH:

**  Look, JBB, don't get an atti-tube about it.  I'm sorry, but you been riding more than bunnies and I was tired a just wrangin' it out over you.  There was this fruity new guy workin' at the PenteCostCo in the body condiments aisle.



It was just one night that I capped off in a bad way, went barkin' up the wrong tube.  I came to my senses and got outta there when he brought his girlfriends in to play yang-yang with us.  Didn't seem right, not balanced.  One was just hangin' around, actin' all crotch-ety.  He called her CANDY THONG



and the other one wanted me to put her over my knee.  She was CANDY GARTER.

.

Kinda strange they was both named Candy, don'cha think?  Then it got real bad, some woman they called CHER runnin' in, yellin' about "get back in the Sacred Concert Tour Relics Wardrobe Trunk!"  Anyways, JBB, no one is sweeter than you.  **

[Daniel]

Awww shuddarp an' git in!

YOUNG JACK:

((Without much choice in the matter, Jack felt as though Lureen was definitely in control. His sense of subtle pleasure at winning the rodeo now faded away in the face of the dangers he now considered.))

Now look here, Lureen. I don't need a ride or anythin', just gonna get along to the next show now. It was nice dancin' with you and all...

((Jack looks around hastily, but sees no one that can help him.))

%% Ennis!!! Help me! %%

[Ray]

Hey, that chook shed hidden conspicuously under the only street lamp in twenty two miles looks the perfect place fer us ta pull over and have secret passion!  Waddya reckon Jock?

I'm starvin'! C'mere and let me see if ya got anything ta eat in there!

[Daniel]

YOUNG JACK:

((As Lureen's lips descended onto his, Jack tried to squirm away but found himself in her vice-like grip. He reached behind and rattled the door handle. Locked! Lureen had sprung her trap and now Jack faced a demise too terrible to more fully illustrate here without a horrifying account. To be certain though, the combined taste of vomit and chewing tobacco was not his idea of a good time.))