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~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%
Daniel:
THE PHANTOM OF THE FILM:
((Still on the phone.))
**Oh, I think we can be certain it wasn't Miss. Sparta that kidnapped Guy.... hello? hello?**
((Lucise runs in, frantic and looking less than fashionably late.))
**Oh, that was fast. Guy is over here. Quite well, but a little hungy, as you might suspect.**
welliwont:
DIRECTOR JAKETWIST~
((walks out onto the stage, stops.))
%%Oh boy. Why do I have to be the one to do this?? Where’s that Spartan Apple girl anyway? This is right up her alley!!%%
**May I have everybody’s attention, please? I am sorry to have to do this folks, but Ms. Spartan leaves me no choice…..**
((gives a nervous cough, looks around))
**I have an announcement to make. Will everyone please stay quiet for a moment while I read this….. This letter was sent to us from Focus Features, however it was actually initiated by the Screen Actors Guild.
“The following Actors have been put on notice, have been sent a yellow warning letter (copy attached):
Ceremonial Feng Shui Director – Celeste
Jack’s Pants – Melinda
Lucise Indapaddock - Milli
Owl Olivia - Anke
Props Magician – Anke
Terry Cloth - Alec
“This warning is a consequence of being absent from the set for a period of more than thirty (30) days. If an actor abandons their role in the midst of a production, they will be sanctioned by the Screen Actors Guild. After the sanction is served, the actor has a further thirty (30) days to remedy the situation. If the actor does not take up their role again within that time, they are subject to expulsion from the Screen Actors Guild. For more information please visit our website at www.absentactor.com
"The yellow warning letter reads as follows:
Hey you! ________________________
Get back to work! What are ya waiting for, a matin' call?
Signed A. Lee, for J. Schamus"
JAKETWIST~
I must make some corrections here. Three of the named transgressors: Lucise Indapaddock, Owl Olivia, and Props Magician have all appeared in the last 30 days, probably just after the letter was mailed. So they are excused from this sentence. And surprisingly, some actors who should be on this list, such as Owl Oscar and Owl Olli, well, they have “flown under the radar.”**
((JakeTwist chuckles hopefully at her/his weak joke…))
((Silence from the audience, restless whispering….))
((JakeTwist’s discomfort ratchets up a notch))
**So that just leaves three, no, two actors in hot water:
Terry Cloth, and Ceremonial Feng Shui Director. If they know what is good for them they will get their scrawny asses back on set pronto. Since Terry Cloth is A.W.O.L. again, and his telephone is disconnected again, if anyone here knows his whereabouts, can you please pass the message on to him?
Thank You.**
((JAKETWIST turns to leave, relieved to have gotten through that ordeal, then after a couple of steps, spins quickly on her/his heel and faces the audience again))
**Oh, one more thing. As far as this name being on the list:
Jack’s Pants – Melinda
... even though we have not seen JACK'S PANTS around these parts for a while, Melinda has favoured us with her other characters, SPIT IN ENNIS' HAND, and another uncredited part, so she is not in danger of expulsion. For those of you who have a fierce longing to gaze at the tantalizingly erotic erotically tantalizing images of JACK'S PANTS, here is a little montage I created in my spare time. Kind of a hobby of mine.....**
((JAKETWIST is suddenly slammed with shyness, and turns, runs off the stage.))
Daniel:
THE PHANTOM OF THE FILM:
((in a strange and mysterious voiceover)):
**Pardon me, Miss Director, but Miss Owl graced us with her presence only a short while ago. You must have missed her due to all that paperwork you were buried in... As for the Feng Shui director, I believe she is leading a conference somewhere in east Asia. The props magician has been far too busy creating vast sets for our multitude of characters: the dream sequences of Alma's imagination, underwater sets, and not to mention the rapid changes in scenes... Her magic is certainly present, and if she weren't so busy, she'd love to discuss scenes with you.**
((A brief pause))
**Perhaps Miss Sparta would come down from her production office to have a word with her.**
**As for Jack's Pants, they haven't been the same since coming down from the Mountain. I think their most recent cleaning may have been a rather harrowing experience. Those laundromats can be dangerous places, as Terry Cloth discovered from personal experience.**
**And Lucise is currently in the bistro on Ducksina Row, which is also where I am, if you can believe that. He managed to sleep through most of the past few weeks... as contentment can do that to a man.**
welliwont:
--- Quote from: Daniel on December 02, 2006, 03:09:06 pm ---THE PHANTOM OF THE FILM:
((in a strange and mysterious voiceover)):
**Pardon me, Miss Director, but Miss Owl graced us with her presence only a short while ago. You must have missed her due to all that paperwork you were buried in... **
**And Lucise is currently in the bistro on Ducksina Row, which is also where I am, if you can believe that. He managed to sleep through most of the past few weeks... as contentment can do that to a man.**
--- End quote ---
JAKETWIST~
%%I cain't *believe* I am talking to a Phantom!!%% ::)
**I know you are right, Dear PHANTOM, and if you will read the fine print of my post, you will see that I did acknowledge these facts.**
--- Quote ---I must make some corrections here. Three of the named transgressors: Lucise Indapaddock, Owl Olivia, and Props Magician have all appeared in the last 30 days, probably just after the letter was mailed. So they are excused from this sentence. And surprisingly, some actors who should be on this list, such as Owl Oscar and Owl Olli, well, they have “flown under the radar.”
--- End quote ---
**You are always so quick to think that I am delinquent in reading the PT, just because it happened one time last summer where I fell behind. Don't mean it's still happenin'.... Are you ever going to let me forget that Daniel? ??? :P uh, I mean PHANTOM?**
Meryl:
((The HIGH PRIESTESS calls an emergency session of the Priestettes to pray for the peace of mind of the beleaguered DIRECTOR))
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