MONROE:
((Watches transfixed as Alma’s hubby gets up and proceeds to kick biker ass with a vengeance))
%% OH NO! I don’t believe this! THE HORROR! Attacking those poor guys probably just because they were praising my quality selection paté de canard and I would guess my especially-imported escargots as well! %%
((Cold sweats))
%% There's no doubt my poor Bright Angel Alma (BAA) is married to a violent cibophobe! No wonder her face gets that blank, vacant look when I happen to mention flambéing – she’s plain terrified! Possibly her hubby’s an oenophobe too! Perhaps some spoiled food childhood experience made him a coprastasophobe! And to cap it off, it’s pretty certain he’s a mageirocophobe! %%
((Moans in near-panic))
%% Clearly he’s an imminent danger to the likes of me……. And I’m sure he’s not the only one around. They’re everywhere! I’ve been way too careless! I’ve got to keep my culinary leanings much more of a secret! Gotta keep the cooking in the closet! %%
((Squirms, worriedly considering the content of the picnic basket))
%% Those violent cibophobes ever get ahold of me, I’ll be kicked around, beaten, drug around by my tongue till it pulls off!! A guy publicly preoccupied with luxury food? No way. Now I can talk gorgonzola and prepare glace de viande on those rare occasions when everyone else is off to that new Burger King just opened way out there in the middle of nowhere, - those times when noone but BAA is around, but…….. %%
((Squares shoulders and prepares to stand it for as long as it takes.))
%% It’s just as my old grandma used to say about the ingredients when she was making her famous pancakes: “If you can’t mix it in, Monroe,” she used ta say, “you gotta can it.” %%
((Nods pensively))
%% Grandma sure was a wise woman. %%
~~~~~~
Phobia definitions:
Cibophobia –fear of food
Oenophobia – fear of wine
Coprastasophobia – fear of constipation
Mageirocophobia – fear of cooking