Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > The Lighter Side
Completed Brokeback Limericks!
Lumière:
One evening Alma was knitting,
While Ennis drank beer while sitting,
And the lil girls played with their dollies,
Ennis daydreamed of Jacks Follies,
Which Jack had not yet thought of quitting.
##-----------------------------------------------------##
What Ennis liked didn't make many babies,
From Alma he got mostly maybes,
But from the back,
She looked just like Jack,
for Ennis no longer liked ladies.
##-----------------------------------------------------##
There once was a gal named Cassie,
Who Alma Jr. thought was too sassy,
Cassie hoped to be "the one"
But Ennis said he was no fun,
And he much preferred Jack Nasty!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
I hear that Texans don't drink no coffee,
but from what I can see, they ain't scruffy.
They claim that bigger is better,
And they sure like it wetter,
always go for that bullriding trophy!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
It ended with a blasted storm from the Pacific,
Said Ennis, "That's not so terrific",
now I have to go marry,
and to leave Jack is Scary.
What a misery! How horrific!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
Jack reached out for Ennis's hand,
and placed it apon his Gland.
"Now I've gotten him this far,
where is that vasoline jar?
Since I've just let him know where I stand....!
Lumière:
O how I wish I owned Motel Siesta,
instead of my Ford Fiesta.
A little discrete camera I would place,
towards the bed of course it would face,
Home-made porn, what could be betta?
##-----------------------------------------------------##
There once was a man named Monroe,
Who was most prob'ly on the down-low.
He was good with his knife
And had a chatter-box wife,
and probably wished it was Ennis he could Blow!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
L.D.Newsome was a mean son of Bitch,
With a mind as hollow as a ditch,
When it came to tractors he was King of the Deal,
But to Jack Twist he was anal, for real!
Because his bad behaviour cause poor Jack to Twitch!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
Whiskey's one o' the two things I need right now,
He took a look at Jack and raised an eyebrow,
"The sight of yer buns in those jeans,
makes me horny as hell by all means
For you my love, I'd moooo like a cow!"
##-----------------------------------------------------##
From a small town named Lightnin' Flat,
came a hot cowboy in a black hat,
He packed up his truck,
But he didn't have a buck,
And up in Signal is where his destiny sat!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
They jumped off the cliff stark bollock-naked,
their buns looking like freshly baked,
As they splashed in the water,
Their tackle chilled shorter,
But as soon as they touched, it warmed and awaked
Lumière:
Lureen was Cowgirl with her sites on our Jack,
She went to him, fear of rejection did she lack,
Jack asked the bartender about this young honey,
And whether she went at it like a frisky bunny,
'Cause he fancied the thought of her nude on her back.
##-----------------------------------------------------##
My sights on you sets my mouth a-drooling,
You make me hot as hell and you know I ain't fooling,
Your lips are softer than a baby's bottom,
all things to turn me on, man, you got'em,
So this heat for you ain't never cooling.
##-----------------------------------------------------##
Lashawn, she was quite the talker,
and it took only one Johnny Walker
To unleash the fury of her tongue,
you'd think you were stepping in Dung,
I know she's hot, but wouldn't want to be her stalker!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
Ol' John Twist loved to keep a spittin' cup,
he belittled Jack since he was a young pup.
He never quite accepted his son's gayness,
and Jack fled him to settle in Childress.
The Ol' geezer went too far! Bit over the top!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
The reason Jack didn' like beans
Was that he was wearing tight jeans.
The gas he would pass,
From out of his ass,
Would burst the damn thing by all means!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
Ennis del Mar, you randy dandy hunk,
get over here and put off that trunk!
"Love that peachy bottom", Jack growled,
"Less talk and more action please!" Ennis howled,
So into Jack Ennis quickly sunk.
Lumière:
Jack wants to buy Jimbo a drink
'cause his lonely life's startin to stink
But the clown is unwilling
And Jack's hopes fall from the ceiling,
in less time than it takes him to blink.
##-----------------------------------------------------##
Ennis talked of coyotes as he pulled off his sock,
but he had more than just coyote stories on stock.
He wondered when with handsome Jack he would lay,
thinking that would so make my day,
Only Jack he desired, to hold and kiss and f--k..
##-----------------------------------------------------##
Lureen's hairdresser had so much to do,
He shrieked, "Girl, have I got the do for you!",
Bleach-blonde, you'll take control
A little trim, color, shampoo and roll,
You'll look like Farrah Fawcett No. 2.
##-----------------------------------------------------##
As fireworks glowed in the sky,
Ennis' short temper did fly.
Bikers flew left and right,
Ennis was wound up, ready to fight,
made them give earth-orbiting a good try!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
Ennis gave Jack's cheek a little poke,
and said let's take a nice relaxing soak,
So they stripped down to their drawers,
and embraced each other's flaws,
for they were both as hard as a mighty Oak!
Lumière:
Joe Aguirrie had 1000 woolies,
that he tried to haul up using pulleys,
but it was so much easier using Ennis and Jack,
because of prowess and strength there wasn't a lack,
though they sometimes got sidetracked by .....follies.
##-----------------------------------------------------##
L.D. is the father-in-law from hell
And Jack sorely wished he could tell
Him to go shove it up his arse
And that the marriage was a farce,
and that only Del Mar'd ring his bell.
##-----------------------------------------------------##
Before Jack met Ennis summer of sixty-three,
he dreamed of every Cowboy that he would see.
He loved their walk, their talk, their look,
He'd do anything they wanted, even offer to cook!
But del Mar was the fairest of them all, woo-wee!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
The fire died down on the camp site,
And Ennis shivered all through the night,
while Jack slept warmly inside the tent,
Ennis Hammered loudly with no relent,
and was frozen to death by the first light....
##-----------------------------------------------------##
Jack called out and into the tent Ennis staggered,
where Jack lay in his underwear (checkered)
Up close to Jack he snuggled,
And bodily parts they juggled,
"Tis nobody's business but ours", Jack stuttered!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
When Ennis and Alma got married,
He thought his past with Jack was buried,
and he tried not to show
that he wrang it for Jack twice in a row,
and what big pair of apples he carried!
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