.... a 30-something relatively sane rational man asks his buddy, who BTW he is never ever seen together with, anywhere, except maybe at a gas station on the way to the mountains, asks him "do you ever get the feeling people know?" He was not speaking of his acquaintances, co-ranch hands, children, etc. He was speaking of strangers on the streets of town. Why would Ennis be thinking of finishing that sentence with "people know ..... that you Jack, and me, we do it?" Where would that be coming from?
Whatever Oscam's Razer is, I heard about it here at BetterMost, I never looked it up yet, but isn't it something like the most logical explanation is the most likely? I think Oscam's Razer fits here. I think lots of closeted queer men often wonder if strangers can tell that they're queer just by looking at them. That is not a far-fetched assumption.
I see where you are coming from, but I don't buy it. Here is the difference (it sounds like I am splitting hairs, but I am not) .... it is one thing to be paranoid that
strangers think a person is gay and a completely different issue to
admit to being gay. Ennis is having an affair with a man. Ennis doesn't understand why .... he describes it as "this thing." The whole relationship is an anomoly. Ennis asks Jack if everything is normal between him and Lureen because if Alma could figure it out, it must have been something he did. Also note the scene when Jack approaches the clown in the bar .... at that moment in his life, he doesn't see himself as gay ... yet he is sure those guys are talking about him. When a person has a secret life, it is common to think others know ... that somehow your reality is seeping out. It is the fear of being "found out". It doesn't mean, "OMG! I'm gay and everyone knows it".
I think this statement tells us that Ennis is aware that he cannot handle living two lives like Jack does. He is trying to act "Straight" in society and yet is in love with Jack, a man.
Asking if "things are alright, normal like with Lureen?" he is asking Jack if he is still able to be with his wife as a regular married man. Something Ennis failed at with Alma.
His continued paranoia over people finding out remains, but towards the end of the movie and the lake scene, he finally dumps Cassie because he wants Jack to be his one and only lover.
It is hard to say if Ennis sees himself as "gay" up until that point. Maybe he thought he was bisexual at least? As long as he could keep Jack his secret.
That is why the lake scene fight is so important. Ennis at first is mad at Jack for not being faithful. Then after Jack blasts him for not being there enough for him and the threat of quitting him, that breaks the Dam holding back Ennis's true feelings.
Ennis is suddenly realizes that he can hardly stand it without Jack too. That last line he says is great: "Jack I can't stand it no more". Stand it meaning : loving eachother without being able to be around eachother.
Let me clairfy ... I want to make sure that I understand what you are saying. The issue regarding Lureen and Jack being "normal" ... does Lureen suspect he is having an affair? Is his sex life normal with Lureen? If that is what you are saying, I agree. It is not that she might suspect Jack is having an affair with a man, but that she might suspect he is having an affair, period.
The lake scene, IMO, is when Ennis realizes he loves Jack. That does not mean, however, that he admits he is gay
or bisexual. He loves Jack ... he's never loved another man. He's never had sex with another man. He has never wanted to be with another man. IMO, he blames Jack for his feelings. If it wouldn't be for Jack, he would be "blissfully" living a "normal" life.
On your last point ... the whole "I can't stand this anymore, Jack" ... I have posted this before, but will reiterate it briefly here. I see the whole "I can't stand it" as a bookends to their relationship from the time of their reunion until the lake scene. When they are on the mountains and Ennis is talking about seeing each other once in awhile. Ennis later says to Jack, "If you can't fix it, Jack, you gotta
stand it." Jack asks "how long?" and Ennis says, "As long as we can ride it. Their ain't no reins on this one." Then, at the lake, Jack says to Ennis, "Tell you what ... the truth is ... sometimes I miss you so much, I can hardly
stand it." (In one of the most poignant and painful lines in the whole film, IMO.) Lastly, Ennis breaks down into Jack's arms and says , "I can't
stand this anymore Jack." (BTW - Ennis collapses post mountain when he sees Jack leave. He then collapses again, this time in Jack's arms. Again, I find this to be bookends in their relationship.)
The "I can't stand it" is on both of their parts. They both can hardly handle living a lie, having a secret and being away from each other. Despite this, Ennis' homophobia would prevent him from living an open life with Jack. However, he has gotten to the point where he understands that the love of his life is Jack. Ultimately, it is too late. He loses Jack anyway.