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Gay marriage handbook
Jeff Wrangler:
--- Quote from: serious crayons on November 19, 2008, 05:29:50 pm ---Cool plans, Jeff! So appropriate for a history lover.
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Thanks. Now all I need's a partner. :-\
--- Quote from: CellarDweller on November 19, 2008, 07:58:24 pm ---Way cool ceremony, Jeff! I think it suits you!
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Thanks.
--- Quote ---I've also seen some rings I like......of course, that goes out the window if "Mr. Right" doesn't like them, I can't make him wear something he doesn't like, but I'd us to wear these as engagement rings.
And although this is not a wedding band, I like this ring to use after we've exchanged vows.
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I wouldn't bother with engagement rings, but I've seen some very nice simple rings with a Celtic knotwork design that I think would make nice commitment rings.
Brown Eyes:
--- Quote from: serious crayons on November 19, 2008, 03:55:43 pm ---Amanda, would you mind elaborating a bit on the butch-femme thing? I mean, my folks was Methodist. ;D I get the concept in a general way, but aside from pointing toward wedding apparel choices, how does it play out in daily life? What are the politics, and how is it potentially problematic for feminists?
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Heya K,
This is definitely a super interesting topic (and probably could be spun off into it's own whole conversation, but I'll try to answer this briefly here). First of all, I don't think there are any really codified rules about this type of dynamic in a couple... I'm sure there are as many manifestations of the butch-femme thing as there are couples who get into it. But, I think it often impacts a lot of the "aesthetics" of the relationship (yes clothing, etc.) and it has meaning in sexual terms usually too. And, then, I think it also has a lot to do with just playing with gender boundaries and assumptions. Sometimes, I think there's a little bit of a kitsch factor or irony for some butch-femme couples. And sometimes it really seems to be about the issue of personal attraction. My friend Amy only wanted to date butch looking or butch-identified women. The most gorgeous femme-type woman could express interest in her and it really wouldn't do much for her. She was very conscious and explicit about looking for this in a mate.
Anyway, I think the most interesting thing about it is that it probably has deep, deep roots in lesbian history. I think the idea of one woman in the couple dressing in masculine clothes had a lot to do with going "out" in public together as a couple. And, in say the 19th century or early 20th century wearing masculine clothes and trying to "pass" in a masculine identity afforded a woman a lot more autonomy in terms of basic things like walking around in city streets safely. A lot of lesbian literature with a historical bent deals with this whole topic.
These days, to me personally the butch-femme thing seems very old-fashioned and way too limited in terms of ideas and stereotypes about gender roles in relationships. And, the idea of trying to mimick a heterosexual pattern in a relationship can sometimes seem sort of odd or maybe even besides the point to many gay and lesbian people.
For me personally I can be attracted to both butch and femme type women (really just depending on the individual in question)... but I'm more often attracted to femme types. And, I think most lesbians would say that I'm also a "femme" type... so the butch-femme thing just really doesn't make sense to me on a personal level. There's a lot more to all of this of course... but I think I'll leave it there for this thread.
Brown Eyes:
--- Quote from: Penthesilea on November 19, 2008, 04:27:07 pm ---
I think red is not a bad idea at all. I wore a red dress for my wedding. And when I say red, I do mean red. Fire truck red.
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Chrissi!!! This is so great! :)
Yep, I think red is a great color and it's such a major symbol of happiness and luck in so many cultures.
Marge_Innavera:
--- Quote from: atz75 on November 19, 2008, 11:42:42 pm ---Chrissi!!! This is so great! :)
Yep, I think red is a great color and it's such a major symbol of happiness and luck in so many cultures.
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One of the most drop-dead gorgeous wedding outfits I've ever seen was a photo of a Chinese bride who was wearing a traditional-type Western wedding dress; i.e., white satin with a wide skirt and a lot of frou-frou. But she'd chosen to include the traditional red wedding color in the ensemble: ruby-red flowers, red sparkies on her veil and much of the decoration on the dress was red as well.
Jeff Wrangler:
--- Quote from: atz75 on November 19, 2008, 11:42:42 pm ---Yep, I think red is a great color and it's such a major symbol of happiness and luck in so many cultures.
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Even in the West brides didn't wear white until Catharine of Aragon wore it at her marriage to Prince Arthur of England in 1501.
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