Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > Brokeback Mountain Open Forum
<-- Introduce Yourself -->
ednbarby:
Hi, all. My name is Barb. I come seeking refuge from the IMDb trolls (thanks again from the bottom of my heart, Phillip).
I'm 41, married for 16 years, and have a four-year-old son.
I've seen Brokeback 5 times, so far. The first time I saw it, my only reaction was "Wow." I think I was numb - perhaps in the first of the five stages of grief? The next night, I was singing "Vincent" to my son before bed (yes, some heavy material for a four-year-old, but I figured he just loved the melody and the continuity of the lyrics), and when I got to the line that goes, "And when no hope was left in sight on that starry, starry night, you took your life as lovers often do...," I began to sob. I choked out the words, "But I could have told you, Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you." I had to stop after that. My dear son said, "It's OK, Mommy. It's just a sad song."
The second time I went to see it, I wept so much through the last half hour of it - from the lake scene on - that I thought I'd asphyxiate. Seriously, it was suffocating. I tried to keep it down to a dull roar, but the lovely gentleman sitting next to me throughout the screening put his hand on my shoulder during the credits and actually said, "Are you gonna be all right, sweetie?"
I went to see it a third time in the attempt to properly lay Ennis and Jack to rest. They invaded my every thought and even my dreams. And that third time did help a lot in that endeavor. The fourth and fifth times have been spent mostly in utter appreciation of the art.
You don't even want to begin to hear my Black Sunday (aka March 5, 2005) story. That'd be another five paragraphs. At minimum.
Thanks yet again to Phil for giving us IMDb refugees a safe haven, here.
BBMGrandma:
A Very Big welcome to you....Courtney....Victoria....Barb!! So happy to see you here. Us Brokeback Broads were pretty much outnumbered here for a while. It's so nice to meet all of you. I'm Nancy....I hang out a lot in the Ladies Corner....so if you're in the mood....c'mon down and set a spell.... ;) I hope you enjoy your new home here with us. I think that the others won't mind if I say....ALL of us have been soo deeply effected by BrokeBack Mountain. So much introspection...discovery...awareness. I love reading other's posts. I've learned so very much about everyone...but even MORE vital....about myself!!
So Welcome to our campsite...Much Love....Nancy :-*
ednbarby:
Thank you for the warm welcome, Nancy. It's lovely to finally be fully amongst friends here. :)
Phillip, I'm from Rochester. I lived in Gates until I was 13, then moved to Canandaigua. Went to Thomas A. Edison Elementary School and to Gates/Chili Middle School. My oldest brother still lives there, in Irondequoit. My father was born and raised in Mendon Springs. I've now lived in the same town in Florida for longer than I've lived anywhere else, but I still think of that area of the country as my home. I'm sure I always will. I was lucky enough to be able to live in a house right on Canandaigua Lake, with a view towards the south end of it, where all those drumlin hills come together. I'm still haunted by the memory of it.
Kea:
Hello
I am Kea..I joined a couple of days ago but I have basically been lurking , talking to those in the ladies group basically ..sorry guys ...it just felt safer..
Ok....I didnt know much about BBm...cant even recall when I first heard about it. Bur I read the short story , saw some clips oline and started to feel something......it gripped me and I could not /did not want to let it go either. I was waiting for the DVD to come out..but online friends persuaded me to go to the movies and see it....
..I did and it was hard....not even talking about the movie yet....you see I experienced a "trauma" last year about September....and since then ....have not been able to do much....I have been unwell for a long time...plus.. .simple things like leave my home, answering a phone call or a knock on the door......I was so gripped by fear and being surrounded by strangers ....no way.....but I had already fallen in love with both Jack and Ennis and felt that I owed them to have the courage to see it........I did...shaking...all the way...
I saw it three times ..later on.....the second time chosing a cinema near where I experienced my incident...it was hard.....I know its funny to say this but Jack and Ennis have given me alot of courage to do things I could never do a few weeks ago.....Things were so dark for me... ..I had decided that week would be my last.....I even did my secret farewells to my family etc...........then came BBm.......I have no reason why it worked for me....or how it helps......but Jack and Ennis have made me want to carry on....to be alive again
I am still trying..... there are challenges.....but I have began to get ready to make my move home to my own BBM.....thousands and thousands of miles away.....I am packing up my home......I am rediscovering how I have harmed myself more than what anyone did to me.....and I have began to write ....
I dont work now...I used to teach high school lit and worked as a pyschologist for many years.....but maybe it will happen again...
thank you for having me here.....that is my tale....its only been about 3 weeks since I saw BBM....but its done something inside my soul and is helping me get better... ....
I hope this does not sound silly...
hugs
Kea
starboardlight:
Hi everyone. Nipith here. (pronounced Nip-pith). 34, gay male. My grandparents are all Chinese, but I was born in Thailand. Lived there until 10, when my older brother and I were sent to live with my uncle and aunt in Marietta, Georgia. It was tough for us and my parents to part, but they felt we'd have better education and opportunities this way. Moved to Seattle, Washington for 8th and 9th grade. Finally reunited with my mom and dad and younger brother in California for the rest of my high school years. Went to college at UCLA, then art school at Otis. So I've lived in the greater LA area for over 15 years.
I hadn't really heard much about BBM, when I went to see the movie. I remember reading a short blurb about how Heath nearly broke Jake's nose while shooting the kissing scene in Ang Lee's new movie. At the time, they both were just fairly unknown actors, so I just figured they were minor gay characters in the movie. When it opened here in LA. I went with my brother and cousin, both of whom are also gay. Boy! We had no idea what we were walking into. By this point we knew it was a gay love story about cowboys, but had no idea how powerful it would be. Through the film, I just let the story flow over me. Leaving the theater I had a pit in my stomach. My reaction was very much the delayed reaction that many have described. I was stunned and just couldn't process much of what I'd seen. The images, words and emotions would just weave in and out of my mind. The pit in my stomach would grow to the size of a medicine ball through the night. The physical pain along with my restless mind kept me up that night, and most of the next night. I went to see it again the following day with some friends. Several days after my first viewing was when it all hit me. I woke up crying, violently. I was convulsing and couldn't control my body at all. Drooling and snot dripping in bed, and unable to even reach for kleenex. I just laid there feeling every bit of the emotions. It scared me. I am a very even keeled person, not prone to extreme emotions. But at the end of it, I felt catharsis. It felt good and cleansing.
I have seen the movie 14 times now. With each viewing, I've been able to unravel the mess of emotions that hit me. I finally figured out that it wasn't one emotion, but a bunch of things, so urgent that they hit me at once. Along with just grieving for the men and women and for the story, the movie broke the surface and some repressed issues bubbled up. With the honesty of this beautiful film, I just couldn't hide any more. The only way to tribute the purity and love in the film and in Ennis and Jack was to confront my own demons. I think Phil said it perfectrly. " there was a way out of this emotional hell and that would be to finish the story in a positive way in my own life." I came to that same epiphany as I laid there crying like I hadn't done since I was a toddler.
Ennis took me back to the most painful years of my life. All the emotions that I thought I'd left behind came rushing back, and boxed me in the ears. When I was 19, I was Ennis. That quiet taciturn exterior, that paranoia, fear, self-loathing, was all me. People thought I was just being the stoic Chinese, but no, I was just repressing. I couldn't let anyone really connect with me, less they figure it out. Dam! It hurt to remember how much I hated myself. I understood exactly why Ennis couldn't be with Jack. Like him, I couldn't see beyond my own pain. I couldn't image a life where I could be happy. There was nothing around me that gave any indication that it was possible. There was only enduring. It also made me realize that I hadn't really moved on. I had only repressed them. I never really grieved properly for my lost life, for those people that I couldn't connect with, for those friendships lost because I wasn't open emotionally. This film made me stop and reflect and to say goodbye to those parts of my past.
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