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The Chris Memorial Thread

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Front-Ranger:
Thank you, Shea, for informing us. My heart goes out to you and the family. Please accept our sympathy, prayers, and wishes. Does your announcement mean that Chris has died? Could you please be more clear? What was the cause of death? We would be very grateful if you could just give us a little more detail about our friend. Thank you.

pastorfred:

I'm so sorry to hear of this! It's a reminder to all of us of the shortness, uncertainty, and preciousness of all our lives.

Because all of us bettermosters are experiencing some grief over this loss, I want to say a few words about death and dying, based on the research of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.

Using the story and movie of Brokeback Mountain, we can illustrate the five stages of death and dying; these five stages apply equally to grief.

1.) Denial - Upon receiving the postcard marked, "Deceased," Ennis went to a nearby pay phone to call Jack, thinking, "This would be alright, Jack would answer, had to answer."

2.) Anger - Jack did not answer. When Lureen confirmed that Jack really was dead, Ennis began to feel anger at her: "He wanted to curse her for letting Jack die on the dirt road."

3.) Bargaining - Ennis hoped to find comfort by fulfilling Jack's wish to have his ashes scattered on Brokeback Mountain. He did not get the ashes, but at least he got the shirts, making a shrine of them.

4.) Depression - The shirts were a cold comfort. Ennis faced life in his lonely trailer, knowing he had lost the love of his life, without ever having realized that he had been the love of his life.

5.) Acceptance - Ennis learned that loving and being loved is the most important thing in life, asking Alma, Jr. if Curt loves her, and deciding to attend their wedding. Ennis's dreams of Jack were his grief and solace. Sometimes the pillow was wet, sometimes the sheets.

These five stages are universal, and each person has to pass through them in our own time. Sometimes we move through them backwards and forwards, and no one can tell anyone else how it must be done or how long it should take. "If you can't fix it, you've got to stand it."

Impish:
Just got the news.  I'm saddened, but also a bit angry at the hospital and doctors that allowed this to happen....  well, more than "a bit."

I didn't know Chris very well, but I remember his wonderful sense of humor.  I marvel now at that, now that I know a bit more of his history.  Here was a man who kept a positive attitude, who refused to become bitter, even after experiences that would leave others pale and defeated.

Victoria:  You were a true friend to Chris, and thanks to you, the rest of us were able to keep up-to-date in his last weeks.  More importantly, Chris knew that you were his strongest link  back to his friends here at Bettermost, and knew of your love for him.

I don't mean to negate the grief of others here, but I'm guessing Chris' passing will hit you hardest.  I'm reminded of a line from Terrence McNally's play "Andre's Mother," in which a character says of his recently departed loved one,

"His absence is a thing....  a palpable thing."  I think you'll understand that line more deeply than most.

So to everyone else, I'm asking that all of us here rally around Victoria, to offer your support and love.  You'd do it anyway, without my asking, but I wanted (needed?) to ask it all the same.

louisev:
In re:  Funeral?

perhaps you can tell us where the obituary is posted, and if there is a memorial gift that people can send, or flowers, etc.

nakymaton:

--- Quote from: louisev on August 31, 2006, 12:32:11 pm ---perhaps you can tell us where the obituary is posted, and if there is a memorial gift that people can send, or flowers, etc.

--- End quote ---

Yes. I've been thinking about Chris's little boy all morning. He came into the world right about the time when I arrived at Bettermost, and, well... it's hard for one person to raise a kid alone. Hard emotionally, most definitely, but also hard financially. If there's anything that I (we?) can do financially, I would like to help.

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