BetterMost Community Blogs > I Miss You On Weekends
I miss you on weekends
RebelWithASmile:
That would be cool, if i started a thread about being a gay teen, but how many gay teens come here??
This week has been soooooo stressful. I feel like i've been fighting for nothing.
Well, Monday (1/29) i had a minor anxiety attack in Science. I was hyperventilating for about a minute, until i calmed myself down. No one noticed, thank god. It was over lunch, and how i was so pissed off at myself, and Bill, and everyone. Nothing went my way, and i just hated (hate) myself for it. I'm going through a self-loathing thing at the moment.
I swear to god if Bill insults my intelligence one more time, i'm going to kill him >:(
I hate it, whether he does it on purpose or not. And i ALWAYS say the wrong thing.
My sister and nephew are spending the weekend at my house, and today is my older, homophobic, brother's birthday.
I hate saying goodbye, its horrid, and i don't want him to go to Arizona after we graduate.
I could use some wine now.
I'm failing math, and probably Science too, i'm not happy anymore. All my poems are about being deprived of someone, and i just don't see how the other homosexual members made it through their teen years.
Lumière:
Phoenix ..
Do visit the Safe Haven board. I am sure that there are many stories there that you could draw from, stories from others who have been where you are now. Do check it out. :)
~M
RebelWithASmile:
I'll check out the Safe Haven when i have enough time :)
RIP Anna Nicole Smith. She was beautiful, funny, and i really liked her. It's a damn shame too, her son just died.
Life isn't fair.
So...Monday (2/5/07) Me and Bill went to the movies. We saw Epic Movie (4/10). We talked about making a movie together, and/or having a band.
Well.....he spent the night at my house.
Nothing happened. It was cool, but i still felt very hurt. We had great, odd conversations, and when we went to sleep he even said 'i'm not going to rape you, or anything.' Too bad ;D
Anyways, i felt horrible, and i cried through the one hour of sleep i got that day.
We played video games, and got on the computer A LOT! That's all we did.
When he left, we gave one of those 'guy hugs' and shook hands. He said he loved it at my house, and that made me smile. I had to take a shower after he left. I felt like i was going to die.
overall, i was disappointed with our sleepover. I just felt like crap, but next time will be better. Today i lied and told him i had fun and that we had to do it again. He said 'definitely' which made me happy.
Yesterday was the most emotional day of my life. It was the first time in years that i felt like killing myself. It was just like getting into a car wreck and then made to run a race.
Bill tells me a song on the CD i made him messes up, and i said 'i guess i'm not that good of a friend' and then i walked away as he talked on....
He didn't sit with me at lunch...he was too busy sitting with Kelly. She just broke up with her boyfriend, and has been starving herself, and i think Bill likes her. How am i suppose to beat that? Fucking liar, he told me he wasn't ready for a girl in his live, and i know he likes her, because he's giving up the last dance of the school year to go to Kelly's house for her birthday.
I talked to my sister on the phone yesterday, and though i don't feel suicidal anymore, i feel like crap. Nothing is good enough to curtain the cold--and Bill is still sitting with Kelly.
Scott6373:
Hey buddy. Anytime you wanna check out Safe Haven is cool.
Don't worry about what Bill is doing. His choices have nothing to do with you. You jusy pay attention to yourself. If ya ever need an ear...I'm here, there and everywhere...God I gotta get a life :)
RebelWithASmile:
I just came out to my mom last night....
I had to, i had a terrible time at the dance, and she saw the look on my face, and i just cried.
I'm pretty depressed at the moment, but it's cool, i think.
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