Okay I'm going to summarize this.......
two weeks ago (Friday the 13th, ironically)
Bill spends the night at my house
Tara and her cousin come over, and her cousin is very quiet
Bill flirts with Tara's cousin (Franky)
Later me and Bill are at the Graveyard, smoking, and Tara calls me
She wants me and Bill to go to Tara's house to 'hang out.'
Bill says he would like to, because he's horny!
I down 10 painkillers in a fit of anxiety (Bill's arm was around Franky)
THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We go to the playground, i feel the jealousy and the pills eating at my stomach
I sit and willingly watch Bill and Franky make out right in front of me...................
I start crying to Tara (who doesn't know about my love for Bill)
I make some excuse, and i feel like shit
Luckily, Bill and Franky don't have sex
I'm pissed off after we leave, and Bill knows it
I was in horrible shape
I told him about the pills and how i thought of suicide
He thinks i have unexplainable emotional outburst and doesn't know its HIM
He puts his hand on my chest and tells me to breathe (to see if my heart was racing)
He rubs my back passionately, and (while looking me in the eyes) tells me to never do that again
I agree, and i actually gave a front hug this time, but he accidently choked me with his shoulder, LOL!
We go to sleep (well, i kinda did)
Next morning, while he sleeps, i listen to music and cry
he had to go home after just one day..
We drop him off, i go inside his house (no one was home)
he let me borrow two games of his..
I gave him another front hug, and i apologized
"for what?" he asked, and i said 'everything.'
He walked me out, waved at the door, and i knew i was going to break...
I get in the van and i have an emotional breakdown
I felt horrible, crying, all the jealousy, and the pain of seeing him wanting and having another!
Unfortunately, Brokeback was on TV, and i decided to watch the ending...
I cried more, and went to smoke at the graveyard
He called me that night
Then the next day
Monday 16th-thursday 12th
We stay after school together for the play, and i feel good about that...
more later