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If you found out your Dad had an affair with another man ...

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starboardlight:
what would you do? what would you think of him?

I was at a friend's party last week, and met a man who is now in his late 40's early 50's? The conversation got around to our movie, and he said that it was a story about his dad. He recounted how as kids, his dad had a buddy that he was very close with. They met up every so often through out the years. But every night, right on the dot, at 7pm, one would call the other, and would talk for long stretches of time. (I can't imagine the long distance bill). When his dad would sometimes be a bit drunk he'd let slip "Goodnight honey" at the end of their phone conversation. He told us about how when his father died, the friend stood up and gave a eulogy, all the while crying a mess, very much a grieving widower. He said that his entire family knew this secret but never talked about it. this guy at the party is himself gay, so he understood the constraint of the time and he said his mother was fine with it, as he was always a fine husband and good father. I suppose the family has had time to deal with it since way back, so they're okay with it now. I really loved hearing the story, but I couldn't help trying to imagine being in their shoes. I just can't imagine not having some resentment or feeling some betrayal? but that's just my 2006 judgmental mind, perhaps.

starboardlight:
and thinking about this relative to the movie, I absolutely believe that Alma Jr. understood her dad. I think she understood why he's so alone and why he couldn't love her mama. She doesn't show sign of resentment, and that was moving for me. Like Mrs. Twist, just unconditional acceptance and love.

Ellemeno:
My father was such a misanthrope while he was alive, it would almost be a relief to find out he could love someone.

delalluvia:
My father did indeed have an affair, or series of affairs, but it was with women, not men.

My mother and we kids were not aware of it at the time - this is why I'm firmly on the side of Alma Jr. NOT knowing about her father because I was Alma Jr.  My father took me on visits to his mistresses, but because I was young and naive and had no idea what sex or extra marital affairs were, I wasn't suspicious at all.  For all I knew, these women were co-workers, friends of friends or even relatives (I have tons I do not know on sight).

When we all found out?

Hell yeah there was tons of resentment, my mother said if my father hadn't been so ill by the time she found out she would have kicked him to the curb, obviously it had an effect on us kids as well.

If his lovers had been men, I can't say that things would have been any different.  My mother didn't care whether my father was a good provider/father or not, the issue was one of trust.

Chanterais:
You know, I have to confess that while I absolutely understand the context and beauty of Ennis and Jack's relationship, I would be horrified and disgusted if I found out that my father were having an affair.  With anyone.  It would be the most devastating thing.  The vileness of betrayal, and the dishonesty would make me despise him.  It actually makes me feel a bit sick thinking about it.  In the abstract, it's fine when it's someone else.  But not in my life.  I couldn't forgive him.

Thankfully, I don't think it's gonna happen.  Dad's just not the type.  At all.  He'd be lost in a lonely boat out at sea without my Mum.  He is just besotted with her.

Additionally, my parents have never had sex.  Ever.  With anyone.  Not even each other.  Please tell me it never happened.

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