Our BetterMost Community > BetterMost People
On Caregiving
serious crayons:
This is a well-timed thread for me because I've been assigned to write about caregiving for the paper. My editor is a very nice guy but he's terrible at story concepts, so he just asked me to write a story about caregiving. I asked what our angle would be, and he didn't really have any ideas. He said he'd heard the state AARP has some big caregiving initiatives going on, and maybe I could write something about those.
So I emailed a guy at the AARP, who sent me information about a bill they're trying to get passed. It's a pretty minor bill. I can write about it, but it looks like a fairly short and unsubstantial story. He also sent me links to a few AARP pages about caregiving.
One was a page with tips for caregivers: take time for yourself, get help from others, use community resources, deal with your feelings, stay positive, etc. The tips all seemed fine, if a little obvious. Then I started reading the comments. Oh my god. Many of the commenters called the tips ridiculously unrealistic. They talked about how lives are overwhelming, they don't have more than a few minutes to themselves all day, they've had to quit their jobs, can't leave their homes, they're caring for uncooperative or even unpleasant family members, little to no help from other relatives, waiting lists for community resources ... and on and on.
Here's a typical sample:
--- Quote ---JustTired62
What I think, I think life sucks, I'm 61 years old, work a full time job and take care of my mom and my life is horrible. I have no friends, can't go anywhere, because I feel guilty leaving my mom home and she isn't mobile. The only place she goes is Mass on Sunday and comjplains that she is in so much pain but won't give it up. I'm tired and have no help. If I mention nursing home, she goes wild. Threatening to kill herself. I raised three children and now I'm caring for my mom and so tired of the nagging and complaining. whewww, glad to get this off my chest.
--- End quote ---
I think I'm going to advise my editor that I can write a quick story about the AARP's bill for now, but unless a better angle presents itself, we should wait and take the time to write something more substantial about caregiving, maybe a package of stories covering the challenges, the financial implications, etc. .... and/or some profiles of caregivers. I'm not going to write a page of chirpy little tips -- find time to relax! stay positive! -- and call it a day.
Full-time caregiving sounds very similar to the caring for an infant -- stressful and time-consuming -- except instead of being essentially a cheerful thing because you're watching somebody grow and learn, you're watching somebody decline and eventually die.
morrobay:
I agree, this is a difficult subject to write about from a positive perspective. If the caregiver has no other family available to help, there is not any break from it.
It might help some, like the commenter you quoted, just to put it out there, honest and up-front, about how hard it is; people can at least say, "yes, that's how it is", and maybe it could help them to know that others are going through the same thing. But I think when one is that overwhelmed, it's all they can do to get through the day.
Front-Ranger:
--- Quote from: serious crayons on December 29, 2015, 11:25:14 am ---...He also sent me links to a few AARP pages about caregiving.
One was a page with tips for caregivers: take time for yourself, get help from others, use community resources, deal with your feelings, stay positive, etc. The tips all seemed fine, if a little obvious. Then I started reading the comments. Oh my god. Many of the commenters called the tips ridiculously unrealistic. They talked about how lives are overwhelming, they don't have more than a few minutes to themselves all day, they've had to quit their jobs, can't leave their homes, they're caring for uncooperative or even unpleasant family members, little to no help from other relatives, waiting lists for community resources ... and on and on.
--- End quote ---
I had an issue of AARP Mag on my desk for the longest time. It may have been the same article that you quoted from. I was going to write them about how unrealistic the tips were, but I never got around to it because I didn't have time. What's more, just seeing that article on my desk made me feel resentful. I don't do full time caregiving, but if you count my cat, my grandchildren AND my mother, it just might add up to that! And now there's an ex-boyfriend in there too.
What I think would be a better angle is to write to the people who are likely to become caregivers and help them prepare. For instance, I could have set things up so my brother or sister could be involved even though they're in other cities. Like, to do her taxes or banking. And I should have made them commit to calling her on certain days so that I wouldn't have to bear the burden of calling her every day. I think in order to do a good job at caregiving, you have to go into training and build up your reserves of patience, tolerance, self-preservation and many other qualities. If only people could be more prepared when they enter into this work, it would be more tolerable.
serious crayons:
--- Quote from: Front-Ranger on December 29, 2015, 12:36:09 pm ---For instance, I could have set things up so my brother or sister could be involved even though they're in other cities. Like, to do her taxes or banking.
--- End quote ---
I did that with my brother when my mom was still in Minneapolis. I asked him to handle her banking and other financial matters. It was for the best, because I can hardly handle my own.
Front-Ranger:
People think all these gadgets and technology will solve caregiving problems. My brother and his wife are always sending things to my mom, an electric foot massager, a motion-sensing nightlight, several different kinds of canes. They also signed her up for Facebook so they could share photos with her. But all this technology is overwhelming to her and most of it is poorly conceived and cheaply made. Making money off the elderly seems to be the priority, not making their lives easier or better. Your thoughts?
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version