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On Caregiving

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Front-Ranger:
I'd like to talk a little about "care for the caregiver". It can be hard to give care day-in and day-out without getting any care yourself. Lots of advice exists about "don't forget to care for yourself" and "put your own oxygen mask on before you help others" but many times this is just not possible. Especially when you are providing care to several people, as I am, days can seem like you're a ping pong ball ricocheting from one obligation to the next. How do other BetterMostians deal with this problem?

Jeff Wrangler:

--- Quote from: Front-Ranger on January 18, 2016, 11:24:00 am ---When people are hospitalized it can be very disorienting and they can have mood and personality swings. This can be scary. My mother got day and night mixed up and would call me in the middle of the night. She also thought the staff was plotting against her and wanted to throw her out. All this has gone away since she has a stable home in assisted living now.

--- End quote ---

The first two days after my dad's recent surgery, it appears to me that he experienced a phenomenon known as sundowning. As the day advanced, he got more and more disoriented, and he even had hallucinations. This was very concerning and frightening because there was no way to tell how long this might go on. Fortunately, he always recognized me, and about noon of the second day, he said that he knew that he was seeing things that really weren't there. I was very glad that I had actually read about this phenomenon in my work, so I had an idea what was happening, but it was still scary because I had no idea how long it would continue. By the third day he was over it. I stayed with him from early afternoon till about 6 p.m., and he was completely lucid for the entire time.

Front-Ranger:
It's good that you recognized that sundowning phenomenon for what it is, friend. My mother also went through that in April when she was hospitalized. I didn't know anything about it at the time and, frankly, I was really afraid that she was going off the deep end. She also had some bad experiences with some pills that the doctor prescribed. I think they were called gabapentin. She had paranoia, suicidal thoughts, etc. Fortunately, she has gotten over all that and is not taking any hard-core drugs.

This topic is also about caregiving for pets. My elderly cat, Diva, is in her last days, I fear. She is 17 years old and last Thursday I noticed that she did not get up and amble towards her food when I put it down next to her water bowl. An hour later, she was still lying where she had been in the morning. I realized that she had lost the use of her hind legs.  :'( Carrying her around like a baby, I fed her, washed her, and put her in her litter box. The next morning, she hadn't improved so I took her to the vet. They ran a battery of tests but couldn't really find anything wrong. They did say that her heart was beating a little fast and her temperature was a degree or two too low.

I brought the kitty home, swaddled her and laid her on a heating pad. She was so much happier! She started purring and stretched out her limbs and relaxed. Since then, I've been giving her a lot of tender loving care, knowing that I can't keep doing this for long. I notified the family that she would be making her last trip to the vet in a few days and my children have come over to say goodbye. My ex asked for her to be kept alive until he could say goodbye, but he's out of town for the week, so I don't know if I can hold off that long.

CellarDweller:
It's so hard when it comes to pets, isn't it?

What day is your ex due back?  That's a lot of extra work for you to do for a week.

Jeff Wrangler:
I'm sorry to hear she's near the end of her pilgrimage, but it sounds like you're doing everything you can to make her last days comfortable.

Incidentally, gabapentin was the first drug they gave me for my trigeminal neuralgia. The first dose knocked me for a loop; I had to heave work and go back home to bed. After that I was OK, but ultimately the drug did not keep me pain free. I had to be switched to a small dose of a stronger drug, carbamazepine.

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