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Strange Connections

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Daniel:
Well, folks, sometimes you feel overjoyed, sometimes you don't.

Today is one of the latter. It actually feels like "that time of the month" for me, since thats how miserable I feel right now, and absolutely nothing is going like I want it to. So for a moment or two, I'm going to indulge this feeling of absolute misery and just cry it out. This is my thread. So everyone else can just deal with it...

Maslow (my personal computer) is dead. I only hope the soul can be retrieved in time by a Priest of Shadow, once I get enough money to pay them. Within that soul can be found a number of personal projects and efforts I was recently working on (though thankfully most of what I have can be found online or on software CDs), but amongst the things I desparately needed was the only copy of the typed text for Quest of the Unicorn.

Normally, this would not be a very large concern, as I would just take it to a computer repair center or the Geek Squad or whatever it is I would need to take it to.... but I have no money. Well I have 2.00 in my main checking account and negative 96.something in my spending account.  I spent the last amount of money I had from that account keeping my cellphone running, which of course overdrafted it and left me with an additional fee there. I'm sure the nasty note from the bank is on its way.  I will of course be paid tomorrow night around 1 AM. And thats a good thing, since the bills are stacking up.

I'm using a roommate's computer to write this now, so reluctantly I can't spend much time here. I am beginning to realize how much my computer was a social hub for me - and that saddens me a great deal, for some reason. Normally, I'm the happy one, the idealist, the ultrapositive being of light in a world of gray shadows... but some days.... the source of light - the energy that keeps it going... just isn't there.  In my younger days, when adolescent loneliness threatened to seal the horizons of possibility from me, I would completely despair. Since moving down here, I have had few friends... and the only ones I can recall have moved far away and not been seen for a long time. Of course, co-workers are friendly comrades, but not true friends.... not as much as I would want to have... so I am here, pouring out my soul to a computer, and to you all, if any one ever reads this thread...

I am beginning to understand now that the formative years of 12 to 16 are the ones in which true friends are first made... and I was stripped from these by my father's employment opportunities when he had to move to Texas. Outsiders are not welcome here, for the most part. Particularly ones which display... different behaviors and differences of opinion. The loss of friends and of educational opportunities are among those things that I miss the most since moving here. Normally, I do not focus on such things... realizing that it is not possible to change the things in the past, only to change our behaviors and thoughts about the things in the past. I do the best I can with what is available to me, and that is usually enough......... Sometimes it's not, though.........and despair completely overrides my life until I can get over it... I haven't had a D-day for some time now, so I must have been doing something right... or perhaps I was just getting addicted to a particular pleasure principle that filled some small void (or perhaps a much bigger one than I had thought) in my life.

Of course, normally life is much happier. I have after all written two books, and am working on several more as ideas in my head. I have created six or seven fine fragrances that are very popular with those that I have shared them with, and my wire-wrapped jewelry business is beginning to slowly come off the ground. (It's very difficult to do any of that without money, though.) Well, writing just requires paper and a pen, and that's not too expensive, but it does require mood and time, and that is (as you can see) sometimes a great difficulty to come by.  But as happy as all that is, there are some days, when absolutely nothing is going right at all and you wonder what gods you must have pissed off.

Daniel:
I'm not certain what key I pushed but I lost a good half hour of writings... :(

Ah well. The main gist is that I can't get to sleep. Ideas for jewelry design, poetry, and fragrance keep floating in my head. I said it a little more elegantly the last time I wrote that, but since I have to type it again I'm not likely to do it that way again.

The Boardwalk

I once stood on a boardwalk and overlooked the sea,
wondered at the darkened state of everliving me.
As I looked down upon those dark green waves,
I felt one come over me, felt overcome with grace.
And though I knew not why or how, tears fell down my face.

The sea and sky blurred to one grey mist.
The rocks beneath me merged in tryst.
Still in silence I stood, and berated not my eyes
whose choice to leak forth could be very wise.
And yet I knew not why or how tears fell down my face.

I looked up from the sea, and tried to see the earth.
The world around me blurred and hazy, held an unknown worth.
But in that mist of unshed salt, which mixed freely with the air's,
I could perceive the people still, passing by with so few cares.
And still I wondered at my fate as tears fell down my face.

Some people gazed at me strangely as they passed by my side.
And some could see my streaked cheeks, and so wanted to hide.
Still others saw my slumped shoulders across the brightened bay,
but when their paths would cross with mine, they went the other way.
But of all those people, none would ask why tears fell down my face.

Shakesthecoffecan:
Friend are you in Texas by any chance?

Daniel:
How'd you guess?

Shakesthecoffecan:

--- Quote from: Daniel on September 24, 2007, 05:01:01 pm ---How'd you guess?

--- End quote ---

I am psychic, just not very accurate!  :laugh:

Texas needs more folks like you,it is a big place.

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