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Holiday Puzzlers, Jokes and Games
David In Indy:
--- Quote from: dot-matrix on December 18, 2006, 02:25:14 pm ---Santa's Reindeer.
According to the Alaska Department of Fish andGame, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year,male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them,from Rudolph to Blitzen........had to be a girl. We should have known. Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night, and not get lost.
--- End quote ---
LOL
Well, women and a few gay men probably.
Not me though. I get lost in parking lots.
dot-matrix:
Oh David :laugh: You never fail to make me smile! Let's see if I can return the favor;
A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"
The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything."
"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient.
To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise.
dot-matrix:
Dog lover that I am this one really appeals to me
CHRISTMAS DOG
By Shel Silverstein
Tonight's my first night as a watchdog,
And here it is Christmas Eve.
The children are sleeping all cozy upstairs,
While I'm guardin' the stockin's and tree.
What's that now---footsteps on the rooftop?
Could it be a cat or a mouse?
Who's this down the chimney?
A thief with a beard---
And a big sack for robbin' the house?
I'm barkin', I'm growlin', I'm bitin' his butt.
He howls and jumps back in his sleigh.
I scare his strange horses, they leap in the air.
I've frightened the whole bunch away.
Now the house is all peaceful and quiet again.
The stockin's are safe as can be.
Won't the kiddies be glad when they wake up tomorrow
And see how I've guarded the tree.
Dre:
When we think of BBM Xmas we think of You >> Dottie!! That Dawg Xmas story is fun. :laugh:
Season's
Greetings
Ellemeno:
--- Quote from: goadra on December 27, 2006, 03:53:44 pm ---The Heroes of Christmas
?twas the night before Christmas and all through Wyoming
Ennis del Mar was driving, although it was snowing.
The foreman had called, said, ?We need you here now.?
He hadn?t known that the streets weren?t plowed.
But the jolly old elf was desperate that night
And needed del Mar to help him take flight.
The reindeer were birthing, the wrong time of year
To be short of stock with Christmas so near.
The girls were nestled, all snug in their beds
As Ennis had kissed the tops of their heads.
Alma had grimaced over his leaving.
?Why you?? she had protested, not quite believing.
??cause I know my trade when it comes to the stock
That Santa Claus needs to keep up with the clock.?
So Ennis drove on with a devil-may-care
Attitude in his driving, intent on being there.
Far off in Childress, a blue-shirted man
Had just settled down to eat beans from a can
The memory of which brought a tear to his eye
As he thought of old Brokeback, with three years gone by
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
He jumped off the couch to see what was the matter.
An ancient blue truck had pulled up to his house
And out sprang his Ennis. ?Are you a man, or a mouse?
There?s an old man in red needs our help right away.
We must leave this minute, I?ll brook no delay.?
Jack?s jaw hung open, ?cause he was too stunned
To say much of anything, ?cept, ?Gotta go, hon!?
So northward they drove to the aid of St. Nick
Through the snow falling faster, now several feet thick.
To the stables they raced once the place was in sight
There Mrs. Claus stood, her face pale with fright.
?Thank goodness you?re here. We?re all in a tizzy.
The fawning?s been keeping the elves far too busy
To take time away to finish the toys
And load up the sleigh, so hurry in, boys.?
They found Mr. Kringle inside the first stall
Leaning back, looking tired, his head on the wall.
?We?ll take it from here, sir. I?ve brought Jack Twist
And several Basque herders, who?ll make sure none are missed.
They?re the best in the biz when it comes to the care
Of small frightened creatures who run here and there.?
?But how will the sleigh fly without my reindeer?
There?s no other animal with as keen of an ear.?
But Ennis was ready for this question, too.
He waved to his truck. ?Do you think this?ll do??
The Basques were unloading his trailer behind
And out stepped Cigar Butt, with his gait so fine.
This surprising occurrence made Santa Claus smile.
?Ennis, my son, you drove many miles
To save Christmas Eve for the kids of the world.?
He cleared his throat, then a parchment unfurled
And, standing up tall, he beamed as he read
From the crispy new paper. ?Hear this,? he said.
?I declare Ennis del Mar and Jack Twist to be
The heroes of Christmas. Signed, Joe Aguirre.?
They gaped at the red-suited man in the room
As he took off his mask. No glower of doom
On that face so familiar, the one they had hated.
They now knew the truth, unanticipated.
--- End quote ---
Gawwwwwllllyyyyy, Barbara! Wow. Wow. Wow. Hug. :)
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