Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Katie77]

Already ?

 

 

 


 

 

Pavarotti knocks on the pearly gates St. Peter opens them and says 'Oh it's you Luciano, come on in. Squeeze through'.

Pavarotti says 'hold on, I've got an envelope for you, from the pope.'

St. Peter opens it up and reads it.

'HERE'S THAT TENOR I OWE YOU'

[dot-matrix]

Thanks Shasta honey ... that must be an American saying ... I've never heard of it!!


Susie 

Susie---I may be wrong--as I often am , but I think it's a take-off of the saying/warning, "Never drive faster than your angel can fly." But on this one---both are flying. Hmmm? Maybe?

I'm not sure if I really get it but the picture is.... fantastic!!!

Susie 

The original quote is actually quite universal I'm told since a lovely English lady I know is the first one to ever send it to me:

"Never drive faster than your Guardian Angel can fly"

In the case of this photo I think Sharon changed it a bit to fit the photograph.  The planes have discharged counter-measures, these are rockets designed to fool heat seeking missiles and protect the aircraft from being shot down.  In this case the second plane has flown through the smoke left by the counter-measures fired by the first plane and the turbulence has created a "wings" effect in the smoke then the second plane fired it's counter measures hence the bright sparkly bits.

The photo is dramatic and breathtaking and the quote very apropos I think.  Hope that helps   

[dot-matrix]

A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.

Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," was the reply.

"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.

After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.

The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".

"I am actually 47."

Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.

She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."

As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.

Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."

Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"

The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."

[underdown]

Ouch!

[Kerry]

7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

First thing tomorrow, this one goes up on the notice board at work! 

[Kerry]

Never Fly Faster Than Your Angel Can Fly!

That's a spooky pic, Sharon! 

Great photography! 

[Kerry]

Already ?
 

Pavarotti knocks on the pearly gates St. Peter opens them and says 'Oh it's you Luciano, come on in. Squeeze through'.

Pavarotti says 'hold on, I've got an envelope for you, from the pope.'

St. Peter opens it up and reads it.

'HERE'S THAT TENOR I OWE YOU'

            It doesn't take long!

[Kerry]

The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."
 

            

[Kerry]

[dot-matrix]

Excerpts from: 'Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On, A Cowboy's Guide To Life'
by Texas Bix Bender



  Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.

  There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.

  Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

  If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

  Never ask a man the size of his spread.

  After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: when you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

  If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

  Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.

  It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

  Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

  Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.

  Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

  Always drink upstream from the herd.

  Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.

  If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

  When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.

  The best way to have a quiche for dinner is to make it up and put it in the oven to bake at 325 degrees. Meanwhile, get out a large T-bone, grill it, and when it's done, eat it. As for the quiche, continue to let it bake, but otherwise ignore it.

  When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

  Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.

  Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.

  The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

  A smart ass just don't fit in a saddle.

  Never miss a good chance to shut up.