Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Kerry]

Go Johnny ... go Johnny ... go Johnny!!! 

Now look what's happened! As if the Rugby wasn't bad enough! Australia will never live this down!     

Quick, hand me that can of white paint!   

[Kerry]

.

Love the sneaky dog, Rob! 

I need one at work right now! 

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

Hey cutie! What's your name? Daisy? 

[Kerry]

[dot-matrix]

A blonde walks into a bank in New York and asks to
see the manager.
She says she is going to Hong Kong on business for
two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The manager says the bank will need some sort of security
for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new
Ferrari. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,
and she has the title and everything checks out. The bank
agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The manager and the tellers all have a good laugh at the
blonde for using a $200,000 Ferrari as collateral for
a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds
to drive the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000
loan and the interest which comes to $15.41.

The manager says, "Miss, we are very happy to have
your business, and this transaction has worked out well,
but we are a little puzzled."

"While you were away, we had you checked out and
found out you are a millionairess. "What puzzles us is,
why would you bother to borrow $5,000 ?"

The blonde replies, " Where else in New York can I park
my car for two weeks for $15.41 and expect it to be there
when I return ?"

A win for the Blondes for a change !!

[dot-matrix]

An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back, fitted up nice; picnic
tables. horseshoe courts, basketball courts, etc. The
pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming
when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the
pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He took a bucket to pick some nearby fruit. As he came
closer to the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing
with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young
women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence, and
they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women
shouted out to him, "We're not coming out until you leave."

The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you
ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked. I only
came to feed the alligator."

Moral : Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and
inexperience . . .

[dot-matrix]

This guy lived on his own and was feeling a bit lonely, so he
goes to the pet shop to get something to keep him company.
The pet shop owner suggested an unusual pet, a talking
centipede. OK thought the man, I'll give it a go, so he bought
one and took it home.

That night, he decided to test out his new pet and said, "I'm
going to the pub for a drink, do you want to come too ?"
There was no reply.

He tried again, "Oi centipede, wanna come to the boozer with
me ?" No response.
So the man ranted and raved for a bit, but after a while decided
to give it one more try before he took it back to the shop. So he
took the lid off the box and repeated, "I said I'm going to the
pub for a drink, do you want to come ?"

"For goodness sake, I heard you the first time," snapped the
centipede. "I'm just putting my shoes on !!"

[Kerry]

[dot-matrix]

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.


She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.


She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little interlude.


Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.


She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."


Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"


He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"