Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Kerry]

[Mandy21]

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!'
 
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
 
He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the best toast of the night.'
 
She said, 'Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?'
 
John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.'
 
'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said.
 
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
 
The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.'
 
She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.'

[Kerry]

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said . . . .

     

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But the human said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back. That makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay,"' said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

[Kerry]

[Katie77]

A group of 40-year-old golf buddies discuss and discuss where they should
meet for dinner.

Finally they agree to meet at Horse & Angel Tavern because the waitresses
there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.



10 years later, at 50, after another long discussion, they agree to meet at
Horse & Angel because the food and the beer selection are good.



10 years later when they are 60, the group talks and talks about where to go
and finally decides to dine at Horse & Angel because they can eat there in
peace and quiet, it's cheap, and it's smoke free.



In 10 more years when they are all 70, the men again discuss and discuss
where they should meet. Finally they agree on Horse & Angel because it is
wheelchair accessible and has a large restroom with no waiting.

10 years later, when they are 80, the group plans to meets again and after a
long discussion, they decide to go to Horse & Angel because they have never
been there before.