*clearing throat Ennis' way*
Reading all those old threads, more than a decade of several discussions... So, guess i'll leave trace here
![Wink ;)](https://bettermost.net/forum/Smileys/cowboy/wink.gif)
This thread was fun! Lots of interesting discussions about just
anything!
It's not my 9th viewing (had not started counting in the first place), but i kind of observe myself and the development of my own feelings / reactions over the movie. After watching the movie for the first time 3 months ago i felt pretty sad, but also quite loving (if it's the right word) at the same time. It was a very funny (strange) effect. Then for a while i felt just deeply sad, crushed, grieving. Last week the feelings changed to peace. It's exactly the same as somebody wrote in this thread - suddenly you find yourself at peace because Ennis and Jack had such a great love, a very rare kind of love and i guess they were blessed to know / have it, no matter how sad the outcome was ultimately. The person who wrote this had this mood change at Jack's "Sometimes i miss you so much i can hardly stand it", for me it was the hand-holding in FNIT.
What i still kind of not understand is how
COULD they (Ennis) ever possibly deny what they had and what they felt for each other? Because it CANNOT be denied! (I guess i'm speaking of Ennis here..) Look at Ennis at the reunion, look at him at the motel, at the prayer and thanks scene, even at the divorce scene - everytime he's with Jack he's SO happy! And what about the Don Wroe's cabin? Such a short mentioning which i initially had not think about at all, but suddenly when i give it a deeper thought the imagination just explodes!!
![Roll Eyes ::)](https://bettermost.net/forum/Smileys/cowboy/rolleyes.gif)
Now that hand-holding at the
very first night in tent??? So early in their relationship.. That did it to me! Ennis knew all the way, i cannot believe he denied anything. He was afraid - yes, he knew it was kind of "wrong" - yes, he wanted to be responsible for his family - yes... But i think it is impossible to hide away from the feelings he had towards Jack. The only scene where i think he was quite cruel to Jack without any reason is at the motel when Jack is asking "how about you" and Ennis replies with "me? .... i don't know". Maybe an attempt to run away from his feelings, but i think it was the only one and can be also interpreted as posing and playing cool. By the way, in the book it's a whole different story at this place and i hate movie-Ennis' answer...
So, anyway. What i wanted to say is that i think Ennis had never denied his love towards Jack, but tried to suppress his feelings for his own sanity because in his mind their relationship was not possible to enfold 100%. He had a character capable to do that anyway (as compared to Jack). On the other hand, i do think he did deny Jack's feelings towards him and Jack's pain because that would inevitably come back to himself and torture him - which i think actually happens after he finds the shirts. Because there is no denial of extend of Jack's love anymore. This Ennis' denial is especially expressed by "those things i don't know". In my understanding it's not only about Jack's sexual relations with other men (which Ennis' is actually already aware of!) - it's especially about Jack's feelings towards Ennis which he cannot respond to in the way Jack would like it to have. Jack is in great pain without Ennis, as Laureen says he drinks heavily. This is kind of "those things" which Ennis actually does not want to know because it would cause him to reconsider his own construct of their relationship, to step out of his comfort zone. And that is also why Jack is so angry at Ennis about him not wanting to know "the rest". Ennis is cancelling August and expecting Jack to "tag along", to understand that Ennis is not happy about it himself and so not to complain at all. Jack is saying, well alright, you expect me to wait to see you much longer than planned, but here is how i truly feel about it.
I think Jack is actually quite shy as far as his own feelings are concerned, every time he speaks out he needs to work up the courage to do so. The reason can be Ennis' low startle point or his incredible empathy towards Ennis or maybe he is just shy about himself. The way he initiates FNIT (awkwardly) without talking, then at the motel how he first says he swears he didn't know about them doing it again, but bursting his true feelings in the next moment, or the way he presses his jaws together before the cow and calf operation suggestion and even the heartbreaking "i miss you" at the end - he always fights himself before speaking the truth. But it is also important because this pushes Ennis, otherwise Ennis would be really stuck for eternity. That's why the lake scene outburst is also an important mile stone in their relationship - Ennis needed to know "all those things" and he could not turn his back to those truths anymore. And after that i think he started changing. It's just the way the story goes that life did not allow Ennis and Jack to experience further evolution of their relationship. I think every relationship has ups and downs and both partners evolve / grow with time. The story / movie give us only a glimpse on their lives and it is cut short by Jack's death, but i am positive they would have worked it out. I believe in these two
![Smiley :)](https://bettermost.net/forum/Smileys/cowboy/smiley.gif)
.
Huh, how did i come here?... Got carried away
![Tongue :P](https://bettermost.net/forum/Smileys/cowboy/tongue.gif)
.
When i signed up here i really needed help to get out of that grief and sadness. I believe in a sort of "flow" of things, that the time will come when it needs to. It proved to be true for me again. Suddenly i was feeling their love only, not that sad outcome anymore. Just like that.
![Smiley :)](https://bettermost.net/forum/Smileys/cowboy/smiley.gif)
Which doesn't mean that i don't feel their heartache and longing or Ennis' torture after Jack's death (the uncertainty of his death, feeling responsible for his death, regrets etc), but somehow i am not crushed by it anymore.
Cheers!