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I Love Funny Country Songs!!
injest:
to start off!! A nice sexist one....yes, I am a hypocrite!! LOL!!
Artist/Band: Byrd Tracy
Lyrics for Song: The Truth About Men
Lyrics for Album: Truth About Men
(Tim Johnson/Rory Lee/Paul Overstreet)
We don't like to go out shoppin',
We don't care what's on sale.
We just want to sit with a bag full of chips,
Watchin' the NFL.
When you come over at half-time,
An' say: "Does this dress fit too tight?"
We just look you in the eye with a big fat lie,
An say:"Uh, uh: Looks just right."
Well, that's the truth about men.
Yeah, that's the truth about us.
We like to hunt and golf on our days off,
Scratch, an' spit, an cuss.
It don't matter what line we hand you,
When we come draggin' in.
We ain't wrong; we ain't sorry,
An' it's probably gonna happen again.
We hate watchin' "Steel Magnolias".
We like "Rambo" an' "Die Hard 4".
Jump up and down like fools when we see the new tools,
At the Home Depot store.
We don't really wanna take you to dinner,
At some fancy restaurant.
The only reason we do is 'cause we know it leads to,
The one thing that we all want.
Well, that's the truth about men.
Yeah, that's the truth about guys.
We'd rather play guitars and work on cars,
Than work on the problems in our lives.
An' though we might say it to you,
Every now and then,
We ain't wrong; we ain't sorry,
An' it's probably gonna happen again.
Well, if you want to know what we're all thinkin',
It's nothing too complex.
It's just somethin' cold for drinkin',
And a whole lot of s-e......
Yes, that's the truth about men.
Yeah, that's the truth about us.
We like to hunt and golf an' drive around, lost,
Scratch, an' spit, an' a whole lot of other disgustin' stuff.
It don't matter what line we hand you,
When we come a-crawlin' in.
We ain't wrong; we ain't sorry,
An' it's probably gonna happen again.
We ain't wrong; we ain't sorry,
An' it's probably gonna happen;
Sure, it's gonna happen;
You know it's gonna happen again.
An' that's the truth about men.
You know it, son.
injest:
Frog Kissing
Do you remember in the fairy tales,
how the wicked witch's spell
changed the handsome prince to a toad,
through thepower of a potion,
she handed him the notion,
he was lower than the dirt in theroad,
and though she left him green and warted,
her evil plan was thwarted,
when there chanced to happen by a young miss,
who in spite of his complexion, offered her affection,
and broke the wicked curse with her kiss.
Chorus - Well if you've never been frog kissing,
then you don't know what you've been missing,
there's a world of opportunity under each and every log,
if you've never been a charm breaker,
if you've never been a handsome prince maker,
just slow down, turn around,
bend down and kiss you a frog.
Once upon a time ago,
I was down and feeling low,
like a lonely frog in a pond,
life was just a joke, and I was very near a croaking,
I was zapped by life's wicked wand,
then in the depth of my depression,
there came a true expression,
of a love from a lady so sweet,
she gave me warm fuzzy feelings, feelings that were healing,
and knocked me off my little web feet.
Chorus
There's a happy ever after land,
deep within the heart of man,
where a prince or princess abides,
but all we get are glimpses of the
handsome prince or princess,
cause they're covered by a green warty hide,
and though they're full of life's potential,
they're lacking one essential,
to enable them to shine like a star,
and that's to have some guy or misses cover them with kisses,
and love them while they're just like they are.
And that's the secret of frog kissing,
and you can do it too if you just listen,
just slow down, turn around,
bend down and kiss you a frog.
I love this song...especially that part in green. I believe that...
Roland If you have THIS song I would like to have it!! ;D
injest:
The Mermaid Song
When I was a lad in a fishing town
My old man said to me:
"You can spend your life, your jolly life
Sailing on the sea.
You can search the world for pretty girls
Til your eyes grow weak and dim,
But don't go fishing for a mermaid, son
If you don't know how to swim"
'Cause her hair is green as seaweed
Her skin is blue and pale
and you'll love that girl with all my heart
but you'llI only like the upper part
You will not like the tail
So I signed aboard of a whaling ship
And my very first day at sea
I seen a mermaid in the sea,
Reaching out for me
"Come live with me in the sea said she,
Down on the ocean floor
And I'll show you many's a wonderous thing
That you've never seen before
So over I jumped and she pulled me down,
Down to her seaweed bed
A pillow made of tortoise-shell
She placed beneath my head
She fed me shrimp and caviar
Upon a silver dish
From her head to her waist was just to my taste
But the rest of her was a fish
'Cause ...
Then one day, she swam away
So I sang to the clams and the whales
"Oh, how I miss her seagreen hair
And the silvery shine of her scales
Then her sister, she swam by
And set my heart awhirl
From her head to her waist was an ugly fish
But the bottom part was a girl!!!
oh her toes were pink and rosy
Her knees were smooth and pale
and I loved that girl with all my heart
I Don't give a damn about the upper top
and that's how I end my tale!
Now tell me how rap music is worse!! tsk tsk!! and this came out in the 70s!!! Just TERRIBLE!! :laugh: :laugh:
delalluvia:
The Mississippi Squirrel Revival
Well, when I was a kid I'd take a trip every summer down the Mississippi
To visit my granny in her antebellum world
I'd run barefooted all day long, climbin' trees free as a song
And one day I happened to catch myself a squirrel.
Well, I stuffed him down in an old shoe box, punched a couple of holes in the top
And when Sunday came I snuck him into church.
I was sittin' way back in the very last pew showin' him to my good buddy Hugh
when that squirrel got loose and went totally berserk.
Well, what happened next is hard to tell
Some thought it was heaven others thought it was hell
But the fact that Something was among us was plain to see.
As the choir sang "I Surrender All" the squirrel ran up Harv Newlan's coveralls
Harv leaped to his feet and said, "Somethin's got a hold on me", Yeow!
Chorus
The day the squirrel went berserk
In the First Self-Righteous Church
In the sleepy little town of Pascagoula
It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
They were jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!
Well, Harv hit the aisles dancin' and screamin'
Some thought he had Religion, others thought he had a demon
And Harv thought he had a weedeater loose in his Fruit-Of-The-Looms
He fell to his knees to plead and beg and the squirrel ran out of his britches leg
Unobserved to the other side of the room.
All the way down in the Amen Pew sat Sister Bertha Better-Than-You
Who'd been watchin' all the commotion with sadistic glee.
But you should've seen the look in her eyes
When that squirrel jumped her garters and crossed her thighs.
She jumped to her feet and said "Lord have mercy on me!"
As the squirrel made laps inside her dress
She began to cry and then to confess to sins that would make a sailor blush with shame.
She told of gossip and church dissension but the thing that got the most attention
Was when she talked about her love life and then she started naming names!
Chorus
The day the squirrel went berserk
In the First Self-Righteous Church
In that sleepy little town of Pascagoula
It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
They were jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!
Well, seven deacons and the pastor got Saved,
Twenty-five thousand dollars was raised and fifty volunteered
For missions in the Congo on the spot.
Even without an invitation there were at least five hundred Rededications
And we all got rebaptized whether we needed it or not.
Now you've heard the bible story, I guess
How He parted the waters for Moses to pass.
Oh, the miracles God has wrought in this old world
But the one I'll remember 'til my dyin' day
Is how he put that church back on the narrow way
With a half crazed Mississippi squirrel.
Chorus
The day the squirrel went berserk
In the First Self-Righteous Church
In the sleepy little town of Pascagoula
It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
They was jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!
SFEnnisSF:
--- Quote from: injest on April 30, 2007, 11:17:53 pm ---Artist/Band: Byrd Tracy
Lyrics for Song: The Truth About Men
Lyrics for Album: Truth About Men
(Tim Johnson/Rory Lee/Paul Overstreet)
We ain't wrong; we ain't sorry,
An' it's probably gonna happen;
Sure, it's gonna happen;
You know it's gonna happen again.
An' that's the truth about men.
--- End quote ---
'S true! And I love this song! :D
How about:
Joe Nichols - Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off ;)
She said I'm going out with my girlfriends
Maguaritas at the Holiday Inn
Oh Mercy ... My only thought
Was Tequila makes her clothes fall off
I told her pur an extra layer on
I know what happens when she drinks the Trone
Her closets missing half the things she bought
Tequila makes her clothes fall off
She'll start by kicking out of her shoes
Lose an earring in her drink
Leave her jacket in the bathroom stall
Drop a contact down the sink
Them pantyhose ain't gonna last too long
If the D J puts Bon Jovi on
She might come home in a tablecloth
Tequila makes her clothes fall off
She can handle any Champaigne Brunch
Bridal Shower with Bacardi Punch
Jello Shooter full of Smirnoff...
But Tequila makes her clothes fall off
She'll start by kicking out of her shoes
Lose an earring in her drink
Leave her jacket in the bathroom stall
Drop a contact down the sink
She don't mean nothing
She's just having fun
Tomorrow she'll say
Oh what have I done
Her friends will joke about the stuff she lost
Cause Tequila makes her clothes fall off
Oh Tequila makes her clothes fall off
Tequila makes her clothes fall off
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