BetterMost, Wyoming & Brokeback Mountain Forum
Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond => Brokeback Mountain Open Forum => Topic started by: BBMGrandma on March 25, 2006, 07:02:01 pm
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Hi My friends....Just needed to let you know that I need help. I need your strength...your positive thoughts and your love for my Friend. My Dearest friend in the WHOLE WORLD...38 years of kicking around together...loving each other and caring deeply. We rushed him to ER on Monday morning and he's critically ill. He's just been diagnosed with Tuberculosis AND AIDS...!!!
I can't tell you how grief stricken I am right now. I go to San Francisco almost every day and just sit with him and hold his hand. I'm so sad I can hardly explain it. My heart is breaking. This guy has been my rock....for ALL these years. I've cried with him through all his lost loves....and he's cried with me...over mine.
I won't be posting too much here for a little bit...I'm exhausted and trying to keep MYSELF together too.
My LOVE to you ALL....Nancy :'(
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Oh Nancy, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend.
I was the primary caregiver for the last year for a friend (we were never lovers) who dies of AIDS in 1991. What hurt him most is that most people in our circle of friends "disappeared" after he got really sick.
I mention this because your attention, love, and caring is very important to your friend, I'm sure. You already know this, but I wanted to reinforce the point just the same. My friend, Roland Green, had time enough to make peace with himself and his family and the fact that he was dying. In his heart, I think he even forgave the "friends" who abandoned him before the end (something I still haven't been able to do).
In any case, I'm SURE your visits are a source of strength and love for your friend, and I'm SURE he's very grateful, whether or not he's the kind of man who can express it verbally.
Hang in there, my dear!
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Dear Nancy-- please do know that all of us are keeping you and your dear one in our thoughts and prayers, and we lift you up, send you strength, and support you both without end. Is there anything else we can do from a distance? Cards, flowers? With much love, Iris
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Dearest Nancy,
Please let us know if there's anything at all we can do for you and your friend. I'm saddened that his prognosis looks to be so poor. I know he must find great comfort in the friendship you've shared throughout the years and now in the end. Please remember to try to take care of yourself during this time too. I know that's much easier said than done, but even small meditative 5- or 10-minute breaks can make a big difference in keeping you centered. You both are in my heart and prayers. Definitely let us know if there's anything else at all you need. We seem to have built up quite a network of caring involved people in a short amount of time...Anything you need at all, I'm sure we can muster. We love you.
Peace and gratitude,
Lynne
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Dear Nancy,
My thoughts and love are with you and your friend, he is so fortunate to have a friend as dear as you. Your comfort and strength will help him more than you'll know. Remember to take care of yourself while you take care of him too. Modern medicine works wonders, I know several people who have come back from the brink with AIDS and are living full lives again. Your support for him will help him in ways that the doctors can't. Hang in there and know we are all thinking of you both.
Much love,
Tim
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My Dear Friends...
Thank you SO SO very much for your thoughts and good wishes. I can't TELL you what it meant to me this morning...to hear from you and KNOW that you're here with me. Isn't it amazing....the fact that total strangers can care SO much about each other? I should reword that....though. Total strangers in FACT...but dear friends in our hearts. Every morning when i wake up I think of you ALL!! Lynne and her MOM....Iris and her blossoming heart...Philip and his open arms...TIM....Aussie...Steve...Impie!! ALL of you have helped my sadness...and are holding me tight in your arms. I take this strength with me...each day....and wrap them around my dear friend. THANK YOU....!!!
I'm off for my drive to SF...picking up one of my friends cars....he's got four of em and they're all accumulating tickets on his street. One of my gal pals is driving me in today...whew!! His name is Everett...btw...!!
Love to all.......Nancy
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Everett is very lucky to have you as his friend. Please know you both are in my thoughts.
J.
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Hi My friends....Just needed to let you know that I need help. I need your strength...your positive thoughts and your love for my Friend. My Dearest friend in the WHOLE WORLD...38 years of kicking around together...loving each other and caring deeply. We rushed him to ER on Monday morning and he's critically ill. He's just been diagnosed with Tuberculosis AND AIDS...!!!
Oh wow... I am so sorry to hear about this. Remember we are all here for you and will keep your friend in our thoughts. Let's hope the advancements in medicine can offer some hope here as well.
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Hello BBMGrandma,
I was very sorry to hear about your friend. Please let me know if there is anything I can do but in the mean time I am thinking of you. Remember during this time that it is okay if you need some time on your own to recharge (and listen to the Brokeback soundtrack perhaps??)
Stripey
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Hello bbmgrandma...hope all is well with your friend. It is a bummer when we get ill...we should never take our days for granted. Your friend must get better....I swear! :)
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Very sorry to hear that your friend is sick, it sounds so painful for you right now. Hopefully he'll get the care he needs, and you as well. It also sounds like his diagnosis may have been a surprise. Be well and take good care of yourself. There's a lot of love and support here for you as well.
Juan
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Dear Nancy,
I'm writing to you from far away in Asia where I work, but no distance is too far for the force of loving kindness to reach and work. I just placed an offering on my shrine before the Buddha and held you and your friend in my heart asking for healing and comfort. I will continue to do so.
Be aware, that you have given me a gift I needed. You see, we Buddhists see things sometimes differently from some in the West: In asking for help, you gave me a chance to be loving and generous! For this I must thank you and send you love for helping me!
Love is always a two way path!
Think of the precious and wonderful times you've had together and still have with your friend. No one knows when our time is over here. You and your friend may have years to care and enjoy still. Take all you know of love and use it now for him and know that he is giving you the great gift, a chance to use your loving heart and mind. We are all made better for that.
If the worse comes, the best thing for him is your being with him to remind that the body goes one day, but we are not our bodies. It is painful, yes, to leave the body, but we are much more than flesh and bone. All the love and goodness we make in our minds remains and goes on... to where, I cannot say for sure, but I send much love and strength for both of you.
Peace,
Rayn
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I won't be posting too much here for a little bit...I'm exhausted and trying to keep MYSELF together too.
We're all with you Nancy, hold on to us as we hold on to you, and through you, your friend also.
Best wishes and love, Chris.
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Dear Nancy, please know that you and Everett are in our prayers. God bless you, I am sure you are his strength at this most terrible of times. Love, Donna
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Dear Rayne,
What a beautiful post -- I'm sure all on this site will enfold that message into their hearts and offer it up for Nancy and Everett. You speak the essence and the truth . . . love is all there is . . . blessings, Iris
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OH MY....I'm SO very thankful for ALL of you. I cannot express how much love and caring I feel from all of you. It's so comforting to me AND to Everett. He's not lucid right now....he's drifting in and out of reality. I sit by his bedside and tell him all about the love that you're all sending to him. Sometimes he smiles...so I KNOW he's hearing me.
I've been reading Shakespeare to him. He LOVES the old Bard...and it seems to comfort him when I read. I'm afraid he's weakening though. It saddens me a LOT but he knows I'm there. He takes my hand once in a while and kisses my fingertips. I feel very privileged to share these moments with him. I WILL hold his hand and help him get to wherever he's destined to go. I'm so focused on the WONDERFUL times we've had together. I don't bring him ANY sadness...only the joy we've shared.
Ironically....the car that he gave to me....a CUTE little Mercedes...powder blue....so neat. I picked it up in SF on Monday....went to see him at the hospital....then set out on my way home. I got over the Golden Gate Bridge...and BOOM....the car set on fire!! Flames....smoke...the whole works. Soooo...it's kaput...!! SOO I'm going now to meet the people that I called to DONATE the car. Everett loved that little car. I'm NOT going to read anything into this. I refuse to!! It's just a car that went down the tubes. It's a material thing.
Rayn....your thoughts and wishes and wonderful sincerity touches me soo VERY deeply. And ALL of you....my dear new friends. Thank you SO very much.
Talk to you all soon....hold those wonderful thoughts for my friend!!
MUCH LOVE.....Nancy
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Hi Nancy
I am new and just saw this post....my prayers to you for strenght .....wisdom and courage...for your friend, healing, hope and peace...
I am so sorry
hugs
Kea
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Hello My Friends...
Well....I have sad news I'm afraid. The counselor just called from the hospital. It seems that they've discontinued ALL treatment and Everett's vital organs are shutting down. They told me it would be two days...at the MOST!! The few friends that have hung in there with my dear pal....are keeping vigil. I'll go in the morning!! He won't die alone. He will have his dearest friends with him....at all times. My heart is breaking... :'( I'm hanging on to all the wonderful times he and I have shared. He and I made a promise many years ago...that when he got through with all his escapades...and I got through with mine...we'd buy a home together and take care of each other in our old age...<which is fast approaching> We were going to sit on the front porch together...have two pounds of the BEST chocolate shipped to us each week....drink some GREAT wines...and live out our lives together.
I'm recollecting all the FUN times we used to have. We were in our late 20's when we met...and we were both HELL on WHEELS!! We worked together...that's how we first met. We'd go out every weekend...as we used to call it..."STOMPING around" We'd flip a coin to see if we were going to a straight dance place...or a gay one!! We'd dance all night then go for breakfast. Ahhhhhhhh...it was fun times!!
He was my mentor...when it came to politics and any controversial topic. We'd discuss things for HOURS on end. We didn't make a move unless we put our heads together and discussed all the in's and out's. He talked me into buying this house that I live in now. He helped me move....lugged furniture with me...helped me set up house.
Ahhhh....I'm drifting now....just remembering all the love!! No matter what kind of mischief we'd get into....we'd laugh...and always figure things out together.
Everett will be SO very missed. He's going to leave a HUGE hole in my heart. But he's also going to leave me the most wonderful memories. I'm SOO very glad to have had him in my life. He's been my comfort...my island...my rock!! He'll ALWAYS sit inside my heart. I LOVE YOU EVERETT!!! ALWAYS!!!
Thank you my dear friends....for ALL the love you've sent. Your caring is immeasurable!!
Now...I'll take my leave for a bit...and sit vigil with my friend.
"If ya can't fix it...ya just hafta stand it"
Much love....Nancy
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Hi Nancy,
My heart is with you, from the other end of the country in this time. I'm sorry Everett has taken a turn for the worse so quickly, you will look back and cherish the time you are spending with him now. I went through something similar with my Dad, and in the end like Everett there was nothing they could do but I was glad to have some time to spend with him before he was gone.
Your times with him sound like such a riot!!! God bless you both for making so much fun together, you will cherish those times always.
Be well,
Tim
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Nancy, If there is anything I can do to help you get through this impossible time~ just let me know. Everett is very fortunate to have such a loving caring friend. My prayers are with you.
J.
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Hi Nancy,
I'm lost for words - all I can say is how sorry I am...remember that the memories you have with Everett are eternal even if the body is not,
Your friend,
Peter
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Jeez, did anyone make it through Nancy's last post without welling up? So much love...
Nancy, bless you, you are the best friend anyone could have.
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Nancy,
Thanks for keeping us up-to-date about Everett. I am so sorry for what you're going through right now. You're so right in cherishing all those wonderful memories. You and both in my heart, thoughts, and prayers.
Love,
Lynne
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Oh Nancy, I sure didn't get through your last post without welling up. I've been thinking about you and Everett on and off all day, feeling almost envious of you, that you have had such a wonderful, steady friend for so many years of your life, and that now to have the great gift of being with him as he passes over into whatever waits beyond, as he sheds his pain and transforms into pure spirit. What a most precious, powerful time for you. We do pass through the sadness, and find the joy that awaits us when we do. My loving thoughts are with you every moment. Elaine
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Hi Everyone....
It's me....but I won't be too long this evening. It's down to hours now...!! Ya know...Iris....I know exactly what you mean about being priviliged to hold Everett's hand as he goes on his journey. It's a very VERY precious experience. I've cried enough now....at this point I want our hands to hold each others...with LOVE, not sadness. I want it to be filled with JOY!!
His other pal is there tonight...I'll retuirn in the early morning. I can't sleep so I'm doing some fuin stuff tonight. Going through old pictures....thinking about some more good times.
I have a cute story to tell....Well...it's CUTE now but it wasn't at the time. When Everett and I would go out...<remember this was 38 years ago> here we were.....I was <in those days...> a pretty 'hot' looking tall blonde. Everett was a very good looking....sexy lookin...HOT black guy!! Well....I can't tell you how many times we were pulled over by the police! They would go NUTS when they'd see us together. We used to 'bait' em...sometimes. We'd wait till we were in view of a police car...and I'd lean over and give him a WILD SMOOCH!! OMG...they'd 'tail' us for an hour. Waiting for us to do ANYTHING wrong. We'd laugh sooooooooo hard!!
Whenever his parents came to visit him...from out of state...LOL LOL I HAD to play his 'girlfriend' ::) They LOVED me...it was so cute. They were such a cute couple. Both college professors...and VERY proper. Once in a while I'd have to POKE Everett in the ribs and tell him to snuggle closer....or give me a little kiss once in a while. LOL OL...he'd laugh and say...."Ewww....do I HAVE TO?" hahah!!
Anyway....I'm rambling again...but it feels good to talk about my pal. I miss him already!!
G'night everyone....and OMG...thank you SO much for your WISHES!! I printed out all your replies...and I'm going to read them all to Everett tomorrow. I KNOW he can hear me...still!!
Everett.....I swear....!
Love Nancy :-*
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Nancy, you ARE the best friend Everett could have. No doubt he appreciates the journery on which you are helping through. My prayers are with both of you. :'(
J.
PS One day I hope to deserve a friend as good as you. You are definitely someone special.
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Dear Nancy,
Death is a transition from one form to another and what form we take greatly depends, not only on the life we have led, but on how we die. A happy death has a powerful, positive effect on the form we take next.
So, as I am taught in the Tibetan tradtion, to help a dying friend be as comfortable and as happy as possible is one the greatest gifts anyone can give: To help him, ease his fear, help him to know that this is not the end, but a beginning of a new life.
I wish you all the warmth, courage and love to help Everett now as you always have.
Peace be with you both,
Rayn
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Good Evening friends...
Dear Nancy,
Death is a transition from one form to another and what form we take greatly depends, not only on the life we have led, but on how we die. A happy death has a powerful, positive effect on the form we take next.
So, as I am taught in the Tibetan tradtion, to help a dying friend be as comfortable and as happy as possible is one the greatest gifts anyone can give: To help him, ease his fear, help him to know that this is not the end, but a beginning of a new life.
Well....Everett's new journey has begun. His hand slipped out of mine at 9:30 this morning. He's safe now....truly safe. He was SO surrounded by love as he left. WARM wraparound HUGS....kisses...and just plain old love. I'm re-reading my guiding light this evening...."The Tibetan book of Living and Dying" Such wise words and teachings have lifted me up SO very many times.
I feel very much at peace tonight. I wasn't going to come in here tonight but then I realized how very much I NEED you all. I tried to sleep but my mind and heart were SO filled with love....that I was wide awake. I re-read all your beautiful thoughts...and savored each one. I had printed them all and read them to Everett. He heard me...I know that!! His journey started very peacefully as his soul left his body.
I'll write more about my friend in my personal blog. He deserves SO much more...but I know he'll be peeking over my shoulder as I write. He'll smile...and KNOW that I will hold him in my heart....forever.
I need a few days away....from here....from everyone. It's my way of dealing with grief. I'm going to dig in my garden and plant a TREE for my pal. He will have a REDWOOD tree....tall and sturdy. Only the BEST for my pal.
Be well....everyone....and TELL people that you love them....always!!
Much MUCH love....Nancy
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BBMGrandma tells me that her friend died peacefully this morning. As we'd expect, she won't be able to re-join us here for a while. It hasn't been easy, but she seems to be holding up well. She's a great friend, and it was inspiring to see how she could be there for him when he needed her.
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I need a few days away....from here....from everyone. It's my way of dealing with grief.
Entirely understandable, and even healthy: it's best to allow yourself to feel and not shove such strong emotions away. The death of a loved one is such a huge turn-of-the-page in the book of life.
We're all thinking of you, and thank you for sharing your love for Everett with us.
Bill
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If there is anything any one of us can do for you Nancy, just let us know. We care about you.
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Jeez I sure am sorry to hear all of this when I came back online!! We are supposed to be going in the good direction right? Instead the bad things seem to be happening. I am real pleased that everyone is here for you though and so am I. What would we do before the movie and this place?
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I am real sorry Nancy and agree with everything Idaho Lonely said.
Life really can be very very hard sometimes...
Again I am real sorry
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Hey there, Nancy,
I'm glad you're taking some time for yourself. I want to thank you for sharing Everett with us and vice versa. Take good care of yourself, and we'll be here when you can get back to us.
Peace & love,
Lynne
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We are supposed to be going in the good direction right? Instead the bad things seem to be happening.
Man, there's no escape from "bad things" in life, and forgive me for saying so, but the trick is to try to see it all... the big picture... every day we live: the pleasure and pain, joy and sorrow, the accomplishments and the tragedies, beauty and horror, the whole process of birth and death all around us all the time. See?
Walk a brave and strong middle way between it all, celebrate the wonder and joy, hope and faith with others, support those in need when pain, suffering or death are near. No, it's not easy for anyone, but that what it's all about and we ain't got no choice but to live it out the best we can.
The great mystery is as simple and as easy as a Saturday night crossword puzzle, a comic book or a great movie (BBM) and then, it's always just a bit more too.... Life!
Peace,
Rayn
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the big picture... every day we live: the pleasure and pain, joy and sorrow, the accomplishments and the tragedies, beauty and horror, the whole process of birth and death all around us all the time. See?
Dear Idaho....
Oh Sweetie...what RAYN says is sooooo true!! I DID lose my pal...but seeing him through it all was such a mysteriously wonderful feeling. I felt so very priviliged to share that with him. He gave me a gift...in fact. He let me inside his heart and he'll ALWAYS be in mine. So Chris....it's alright. Sure I feel sadness and I grieve...but I remember NOW...all the beautiful things he brought into my life.
And to Rayn....I have to say....your thoughts and offerings helped me through these 'times' I'll always be grateful...and thank you my friend..
Much Love....Nancy :-*[/color][/b]
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[bI'll always be grateful...and thank you my friend..
Much Love....Nancy :-*[/color][/b]
You're more than welcome, Nancy. I think we should be on each other's buddy lists? Don't you?
Rayn
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I DO too Rayn....just added YOU onto mine.....
Hugsss....Nancy
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Jeez, did anyone make it through Nancy's last post without welling up?
I sure didn't, I'll tell you that.
I just came across this thread and Nancy, I am so sorry. It is with great fortune, however, that you're handling this very positively. God bless you. Anything you need, if we can help, just ask us.
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How fortunate Everett was to have such a great friend as you, Nancy. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm holding you in my heart with a special kind of love.
Barb
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I DO too Rayn....just added YOU onto mine.....
Hugsss....Nancy
Ok.. you got it..
Love,
Rayn
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Nancy, it is very sad that you had to be a "beard" for your friend, Everett. May the peace that surpasses all understanding be with you today.
While I might not completely understand what you have gone through as a woman who had a male friend with a HIV/AIDS symptomatic disease, I know what it is like to lose the best friend I have ever had who also had HIV and an "AIDS" symptomatic disease, a viral brain infection - PML for short (its very long written out).
According to the neurologist who diagnosed Ed, there was no connection with the PML and the HIV. But, the fact that he did have HIV qualified him for help from local AIDS service agencies and even help me get help for Ed's Social Security Disability through a specially assigned person who worked with the SSA in the Hollywood, CA office. That also help us to get a lawyer who did volunteer work with AIDS patients and it was through him that I got the needed powers of attorney for Ed's affairs and his health concerns, too.
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Hello ... I'm new here and yet do not feel like I am butting in since everyone here is so welcoming. Soon will be the 5th anniversary of the moment when a close friend. soul mate really, breathed her last as I held her hand and the pain of the cancer was no more. Nancy, I offer you my encouragement ... as someone wise told me, you don't get over these things, you get through them. You know that you are changed, and you can become grateful for the incredible intimacy of the experience once the pain begins to dull around the edges. I am still learning the lessons which grew out of my beloved friend's four-year battle with the loss of all that this earth has to offer... the pain and ultimately the grace that came from watching her young son watch her die inch by inch, watching her hopes for a cure evaporate into hopes for a quiet moment in a wheelchair in the hospital courtyard, manning the morphine pump when she could no longer do it for herself, lifting her out of the hospital bed one final time, and watching that young son's face become a mask of horror as I placed her ashes into the ground. Just last night, I smiled through the tears when recounting the story of spreading some of her ashes in our beloved Alaska and having aother friend take some of them to the Amazon River. Like you did, I planted a tree for my beloved friend. You know that you will find other ways to honor the love that you shared. Bless you in your journey. You are not alone.