BetterMost, Wyoming & Brokeback Mountain Forum

Our BetterMost Community => Chez Tremblay => Topic started by: Surf on April 03, 2006, 02:56:01 pm

Title: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: Surf on April 03, 2006, 02:56:01 pm: Once upon a time I enjoyed this place/group, but as time has gone on I find that I am increasingly not on the same wavelength of anyone here, and more and more, I'm more annoyed here than anything else. So I'm done. There are a few here whom I still enjoy comminicating with, and some that I do not, not anymore, and some, well I guess I never have. So I am moving on. Many will say good riddance, but yeah, the feeling is probably mutual.

Bye.
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: Becky on April 03, 2006, 03:03:53 pm: Awwwwwwwwww surf don't go! :'( I love your posts, I hope you don't!
But I suppose if you really don't get along with the people on here you should go, but I will miss you!
I guess this is good bye then! :'(
Good luck where ever you go, what ever you do and always think about BBM and the good times on the board! :-*

Bye, hunny! :'(
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: cmr107 on April 03, 2006, 03:04:54 pm: That's too bad surf, I'll miss you too.
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: dmmb_Mandy on April 03, 2006, 03:29:50 pm: You and I never really had the chance to grow very close, but I always enjoyed your posts. It's sad to see you go. Take care hun. :-*
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: Phillip Dampier on April 03, 2006, 03:36:58 pm: Well I am sorry to see you go, especially because I've only seen you on for a few days. Remember there's lots to explore here outside of just this forum, so perhaps you may discover other messages, threads, and perspectives more akin to your thinking around here. Feel free to come back and visit anytime.
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: sparkle_motion on April 03, 2006, 03:44:48 pm: You know, I think you're way fussy (really, I'm not insulting you here) and I LOVE fussy people. I really don't want you to go. I hope you change your mind.
You can't get along with all the people all the time. I'm going to make this sentence scroll for emphasis.
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: YaadPyar on April 03, 2006, 03:47:28 pm: Hey Surf - whatever you decide, wherever you go, all the best wishes
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: Kelda on April 03, 2006, 03:53:22 pm: Hey surf..

:( :'(

Nice meeting you...

xx

EDIT: I don't have a clue what has been going on (I must not be too with it this weather and missed stuff) but I'm sure noone meant to be hurtful etc..
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: chefjudy on April 03, 2006, 04:00:43 pm: Bye Surf - you are one of the posters I really remember from the old board - sorry to see you leave - best of luck always................
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: newyearsday on April 03, 2006, 04:06:54 pm: I wish you wouldn't go Surf!! I love your connections to this community from early on, and I like it that you say what you think. I really hope you'll not be a stranger here.

In any case, as long as we respect each other, I think the community benefits from a little difference of opinion--can you imagine how boring it would get if all of us agreed on everything?

Please keep in touch, and if you do end up leaving, you know how to reach me (check your PMs). I hope you will do so!

Warmly,

Jenny
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: wtbgirl on April 03, 2006, 04:12:12 pm: You know I ditto Jenny's sentiments - but as I said in my email to you, I do understand, but hope to keep in touch. You have my info!

Take care
Amy
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: RouxB on April 03, 2006, 04:23:15 pm: That makes me very sad...

I know that things have changed-in part because,at least for me, the initial excitement has toned down a bit. So, I can sorta see your point but I really appreciate your perspective and have no issue if it's different from mine. I'll miss seeing your name.

So, if we can't convince you to stay, happy trails Cowboy.
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: Meryl on April 03, 2006, 04:26:05 pm: I'm sorry to see you go, Surf. I was really looking forward to meeting you. But best of luck, thanks for letting us know, and I hope you'll still come by to visit from time to time. You'll always be a part of this group. :-*
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: Ellemeno on April 03, 2006, 04:27:52 pm: First off I want to tell everyone that Surfie and I have the distinction of having gone up in the ferris wheel together on the Santa Monica (California) Pier, not just once, but twice. We did this the day after we and the other five Seven Pilgrims of the Aero made the pilgrimage to Ang(less)Fest.

There had been a snowstorm in the Northeast US and Ang Lee couldn't get out to be there - but Surfie could and did. He crawled his way out to be there. Surfie is an ardent and devoted Brokie, as many of you know. That said...

Dear Surfie, you have been so cranky lately, and not shy about expressing it. If we are all a family, and I'm growing in this belief, then it takes all kinds. Surfie, you bring your Surf-ful gifts to the group and it really won't be the same here if you decide to go.

And I think we're good for you too. I've watched the last few weeks as you have written more and less hostile things to people, and I have seen you get various kinds of feedback on your behavior. I was thinking you were learning to temper yourself and accept people's differences of opinion.

Honestly, Kevin, you have pissed me off several times, but who in my family hasn't?

Love,

Clarissa
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: Chanterais on April 03, 2006, 04:32:38 pm: Goodbye Surf. I've always loved hearing your thoughts here and on the original Chez Tremblay (and on TOB before that). I think it's really too bad that original and unconventional voices like yours have been shut down by some of the other posters. Believe me when I say that you're not the only one who feel alienated by it.

Our community here is supportive and loving in many ways, but in the last month or so, it's also delevoped a self-censoring quality that strangles debate. I find it depressingly/amusingly ironic, considering that Brokeback Mountain itself is an emblem of tolerance and openness. Healthy, vigorous, interested discourse is a wonderful thing; condemnation and personal attacks are pixelated tire irons. I know who wields them, and I don't like it.

But go well on your journey, Surf. Step lightly, pack lots of beans, some elk jerky, and a few bottles of whiskey to keep you warm. But don't take no soup. Them soup boxes is hard to pack.

We'll miss you.

Adriana
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: Ray on April 03, 2006, 04:51:02 pm: Surf, we have never communicated directly, but I have read your posts and thought. I have a habit when meeting someone, or overhearing a conversation, or witnessing an attitude, of likening that person to someone else I know. You have always reminded me of my brother. He is very outspoken and generates a great deal of heated debate. He suffers fools much less than 'gladly' and is quite intollerant when opinions don't align to his own. Similarly he spat "I'm outta here" to our family 12 years ago and has probably spoken a dozen words to any of us since that time. I miss him and I still talk to his answering machine on birthdays and when I want to let him know I'm still alive. I always admire his convictions, but I deplore his intollerance. I just wish he could allow people their own voice while he is allowed to speak his own. This group is a wonderful opportunity that I for one don't want to miss. I love being part of it, warts and all.

Quote
Honestly, Kevin, you have pissed me off several times, but who in my family hasn't?

Quote from: Chanterais on April 03, 2006, 04:32:38 pm
I think it's really too bad that original and unconventional voices like yours have been shut down by some of the other posters.

A truly unconventional voice cannot be shut down by anyone, they just chose to be silenced.
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: rtprod on April 03, 2006, 04:52:55 pm: I may well find myself excommunicated from this board for saying this, but here goes.

Regardless of the need for Chez Tremblay to feel comfortable engaging in healthy debates (as Chanterais has pointed out), there needs to be a modicum of respect and consideration in the point/counterpoint threads. Rudeness, unnecessary sharpness or calling others' opinions wrong and foolish has no place here in this close (yet quickly expanding) group. Of course, often things get misconstrued because inflections do not translate across email as well as caps and exclamation points seem to.

We all love this film beyond comprehension, and no one person here is a final authority on anything---whether it is the "I'm sorry" or "it's all right" topic or any other. I'm not trying to sound confrontational at all, so this may be a good example of how feelings don't translate across typeface.

So everyone say exactly what is on your mind and let's feel free to disagree. But of course--but let's do it with consideration and for others. :)

It may sound trivial and pedestrian, but it's true.
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: Chanterais on April 03, 2006, 05:00:54 pm: Quote from: rtprod on April 03, 2006, 04:52:55 pm
So everyone say exactly what is on your mind and let's feel free to disagree. But of course--but let's do it with consideration and for others. :)

I second the motion most heartily. Deftly put.
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: slayers_creek_oth on April 03, 2006, 05:02:54 pm: Quote from: rtprod on April 03, 2006, 04:52:55 pm
So everyone say exactly what is on your mind and let's feel free to disagree. But of course--but let's do it with consideration and for others. :)

Agreed! ;D
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: newyearsday on April 03, 2006, 05:04:54 pm: Well, it seems that conflict just breeds more conflict sometimes. It's a shame what is happening re: Surf leaving or wanting to leave, and I think it's largely fallout from the major stress of last week on our community.

One thing I have learned here and elsewhere is that the convenience, detachment, and speed of online communication sometimes results in people saying things non-chalantly that end up actually hurting other people's feelings, or causing defenses to go up. On the other hand, those same features can make it easier for people to connect, sometimes deeply, with people whom they would never meet otherwise. So there are pros and cons to it all. I think CT has been great because we've had a lot of the closeness and less of the conflict, whereas the Big Board at Imdb maybe had more conflict and less closeness.

I really hope we as a community can handle people here having strongly held opinions, and I hope we can have public disagreements and arguments--we wouldn't be a very strong community if we couldn't. But if any of us has a problem with anyone here that goes deeper than that or that has built up over time, I'd hope that they would approach that person via PM and speak from his or her best self to that person's best self, with all intentions of goodwill returning. Otherwise, defenses tend to go up, and people retreat to their corners, or else lash out.

In any case, one of the main things Brokeback taught me iss that we all deserve to be respected as human beings, even if we are different. I really hope Surf decides to come back, b/c if we can handle the trolls we oughta be able to handle each other. I love this community and value everyone's contributions. "We gotta stick this out...."

Jenny
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: slayers_creek_oth on April 03, 2006, 05:07:01 pm: Agreed Again to what Jenny said!
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: dmmb_Mandy on April 03, 2006, 05:17:45 pm: I whole-heartedly agree, Jenny. If we can deal with those nasty trolls, then dealing with eachother is simple! Our members can agree to disagree. It's sad to see Surf go, I hope he doesn't dissappear, and stays in touch at least! I've never found his posts hurtful or anything, usually just interesting. We all have different voices here and they deserve to be heard. XOX
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: montferrat on April 03, 2006, 05:21:50 pm: Just wanted to say, I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I regret I didn't act privately.

I also wanted to add that I have no problem whatsoever with differences of opinion, just with the way they are expressed.

Paul
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: ednbarby on April 03, 2006, 05:22:08 pm: This makes me very sad. I've come here as a refugee not just from the original Chez Tremblay and the BBM Board at IMDb before that, but from an online community I've posted to religiously for the last eight years and met and spent face time with several members thereof. I ultimately stopped posting there because several of them were emailing or PMing me and telling me I was taking "things that don't matter" too seriously. "Things that don't matter" being the results of the 2004 election, the mishandling of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, and most recently what happened on Black Sunday, otherwise known as March 5, 2006. I felt so utterly misunderstood and conditionally cared about. I still do and still feel kind of betrayed by those people I thought were my friends - several of whom have visited and stayed in my home. I really thought I was going out of my way to be respectful of their opinions about these matters when we posted publicly about them - they thought I was not. I'll still never know if I really was at fault - I re-read my more combative posts and honestly couldn't find any venom in them. I just ultimately decided it wasn't the place for me - for whatever reasons, I just could not get along with these people without feeling like I was repressing the very essence of myself.

I don't know what posts Surfie's referring to - I must have missed them somehow. But I'm sorry he's leaving. I do totally understand it in relation to my own experience ('cause, hey, it *is* all about me, after all ;)) but I'll miss his opinions, most of which I enthusiastically agreed with even though I didn't always say so, and the way he often made me laugh out loud with his ascerbic (and I mean that in the most affectionate way possible) wit.

For what it's worth, I love all of you. There's not a one of you here that's pissed me off yet. And that's saying a lot! ;D I don't always agree with the opinions expressed, but I find them all thought-provoking and delivered for the most part with a great deal of respect and consideration. Some of them have even managed to make me change my mind, which is *really* saying a lot. And maybe some of you have relatively normal families, but mine could win an award (maybe not from the Academy) for dysfunctionality. If you were like my biological family, some of us would be refusing to talk to some of the others and then using me as buffer/go-between.

I'm here to tell you that there are some things that are thicker than blood and stronger than DNA. Have I mentioned that I love you all?

Sorry, again, to see you go, Surf. I understand, but I'm sad, too.
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: rtprod on April 03, 2006, 05:22:50 pm: Agree completely with everyone.

Hearing different voices is great. We've all learned so much here over the months discovering others' interpretations.

Let's hear and discover them in a "friendly" tone from now on -- can we agree on that? :)

rt
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: houstonangel88 on April 03, 2006, 05:24:24 pm: :-\ Well, I don't know what to say... I agree whole heartily with Rtprod, Jenny and everyone here. However, if we can deal with trolls, we should be able to deal with each other. I hate to see surf go, I have been following his posts since the Aero days. Hope he may change his mind later. :'(

Quote from: rtprod on April 03, 2006, 05:22:50 pm
Let's hear and discover them in a "friendly" tone from now on -- can we agree on that?

Couldn't agree more!!!
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: sparkle_motion on April 03, 2006, 05:25:28 pm: He'll be back. This is probably a late April Fool's joke. No one can resist all these fabulous people!
Once you go Brokeback, you never go back. (is it acceptable to rhyme back with back?)
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: Spooky_Rabbit on April 03, 2006, 05:28:27 pm: I must say, you are all very, very kind.

I in no way ever dislike seeing dissenting opinions. We are all individuals and so there will always be differences.

That said, I could (would? will?) only add that I can live without condescension and rudeness.

I just don't 'get' unkindness. Why go to the effort of being unkind?

It's just always been easier for me to be 'nice'. I guess I just like my species... :)

And I think only insecure people are unkind. If you're good with yourself, you give good to others...

My .02 cents. :-\
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: vkm91941 on April 03, 2006, 05:31:34 pm: Well Surf,
I cannot say I'm surprised by this developement but I am terribly saddened by it. I will miss your point and counterpoint to discussions gone to flat in their sameness and your lovely dry wit.

Is there nothing we can say to change your mind?

I think you are mistaken in your feeling that we as group don't like or value you or your opinions..but perception is indeed reality, is it not. If I personally have ever made you or any one on this or any other board we've shared feel unappreciated, ignored, invalidated or disrespected then I most humbly beg everyone's pardon.

Posting Boards and Chat forums are places to share ideas and opinions. They are for free exhange. In order for that to happen, in order for that exchange to occur than we must each, reader and poster, bring an open heart and an open mind to the table. The first time we disrepect another who does not share our view, either by shouting in caps with exclamation points, or by implying stupidity, or outright name calling..then communication ceases.

We must remember in our discussions that we are: all ages, with all levels of communication skills and education, language barriers, perceptions and life experiences all color our responses.

Remember everyone that the tree that is bent and shaped by harsh winds is no less beautiful than the tree that grows in the shelter nook.
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: slayers_creek_oth on April 03, 2006, 05:35:18 pm: I agree with what Vic said too..............hell I agree with what EVERYONE said!

There....that makes it easy...... ;D
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: cmr107 on April 03, 2006, 05:36:57 pm: Yep, me too Chris
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: fernly on April 03, 2006, 05:44:21 pm: speak from his or her best self to that person's best self, with all intentions of goodwill returning.

beautifully said, Jenny
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: Ray on April 03, 2006, 05:57:07 pm: Addit! Should you choose to stay Surf, don't feel that you can't back track through stubborn pride. I stand before you as a shining example!
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: Jeff Wrangler on April 03, 2006, 06:09:25 pm: Sorry to hear you're leaving, Surf. I was hoping I might actually get to meet you at brunch in New York.

I wish you'd reconsider, but if you don't, I wish you all the best!
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: opinionista on April 03, 2006, 06:22:16 pm: Well, surf I never had the chance to become friends with you but I did enjoy your posts. I don't know what exactly happened but one thing I learned was not to take everything that happens here too seriously. I mean, this is supposed to be fun and relaxing. I think we all have enough problems and stuff to deal with in our everyday lives already. I mean our lives away from our computers! Anyway, I wish you good luck!
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: Flashframe777 on April 03, 2006, 06:37:10 pm: For once it wasn't me that pissed someone off. Or was it?
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: montferrat on April 03, 2006, 06:39:03 pm: Nope, you're in the clear Flash.

:-X
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: Flashframe777 on April 03, 2006, 06:43:28 pm: Montferrat - cute avatar pic.

Surf - come on back.
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: Überlibran on April 03, 2006, 07:10:08 pm: I'm hoping you might reconsider as well, Surf. You're one of the first posters that resonated with me when I joined the BBM board waaaaaaay back in aught-five, and I enjoyed hearing (or reading, as it were) your opinions. Think about it, maybe? :-\
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: EnnisDelMar on April 03, 2006, 07:30:28 pm: ... ::)
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: Spooky_Rabbit on April 03, 2006, 07:35:05 pm: Well, Flash, you may not be in the clear.

You see, there's been talk.

Mind you, none of US have been talking but there has been talk.

;D

Isn't that what mean sorority girls say when they're going to tell a girl that she didn't make it through "rush"? hehehe...
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: delalluvia on April 03, 2006, 07:58:40 pm: Yeah, I seemed to have missed all the fuss, too.
:(
Sorry to see you go surf.
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: littleguitar on April 03, 2006, 09:07:31 pm: Surf, I just wanted to say that I really hope this doesn't have anything to do with our misunderstanding yesterday... I really didn't mean any harm by it and didn't think you did either. If I offended you in any way I really am sorry! I'll miss reading your posts :'(
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: Flashframe777 on April 03, 2006, 09:30:48 pm: Spooky, you're feeding my abandonment issues.

P.S.: I don't really have abandonment issues.
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: j.U.d.E. on April 04, 2006, 05:13:55 am: Eh, kind of missed all the fuss too.. What happened? Anyway, it's sad to see anyone go from our BBM-PT-BM Community - so surf, do reconsider. I had no problem with your posts either - I have to add here, that I probably did not read everything you wrote, but that's not because of your posts, it's just me not having time. So, please, don't feel pushed out!

[Flashframe - LOL!]

~ j U d E
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: mlewisusc on April 10, 2006, 10:43:08 am: I can't be happy when one of my Santa Monica friends leaves . . . :'(This won't stop me from communicating with you by more 'conventional' means, of course . . . But I will miss your unique "voice" here, as I would anyone on this forum . . . we do appear to be Troll-free, and so far, I have witnessed no outright hostility . . . I'm really big on the "open" part of an open forum. I have found that the lack of non-verbal communication in this type of interaction can breed misunderstanding - but for me, if you disagree with my opinions or thoughts, telling me you think I'm wrong ought NEVER be taken as personal by me. Obviously, the WAY it's said (or written, I should say) might give offense. I would rather err on the side of openness and let offense, "real" or "perceived" be handled by private message. . .

In any event, K, if you are reading silently, know that those who know you from the board and LA, love you, and will miss your thoughts here . . . I will play a sad tune on my harmonica today for your absence.
Title: Re: Adios...I'm outta here..
Post by: Aloysius J. Gleek on April 10, 2006, 11:22:02 am: Somehow I missed all of this also--

Surf, it was good to meet you the night of the last theatrical showing of Brokeback in Manhattan--sorry we couldn't have chatted more--

Little I can add to the real eloquence above other than to say: "--Yeah!"

You can't color the picture without the full box of Crayolas is what I always say. (For our non-Norte Americano friends, that's a cheezy set of 64 color crayons for school children--they literally REEK of wax, but the fancy box does have a built in sharpener.)

Visit often, and all the best--

John