BetterMost, Wyoming & Brokeback Mountain Forum
The World Beyond BetterMost => Anything Goes => Topic started by: ednbarby on March 12, 2007, 12:43:18 pm
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Got this in an email today. ;D
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AN OPEN LETTER TO
MR. JAMES THATCHER,
BRAND MANAGER,
PROCTER & GAMBLE.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the Beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?
As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping that was so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."
Are you f***ing kidding me?
What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness -actual smiling, laughing happiness- is it possible during a menstrual period? Did anything I mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freaky girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And, though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit.
And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
Best wishes,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX
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That was fantastic!!!!
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
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:laugh: :laugh:
>:( >:(
??? ???
This IS supposed to be funny, isn't it?
Obviously I have no idea what it's like to have a period.
But I'm gonna get the hell out of here just in case it wasn't funny. I don't want to run the risk of being changed from a rooster to a hen by a pack of angry women. :P
;) ;)
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Welllll, it did say "For the gals" in the subject line, sooooooo.... you were warned... ;)
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YIKES! :o
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That was funny, Barb! :laugh:
On a more serious note, while we're on the subject of feminine hygiene products, I'd like to recommend a product that I first tried five or six years ago and now recommend to all of the (pre-menopausal) women I know. It has made my life SO much easier ...
http://www.mooncupsandkeepers.com/ (http://www.mooncupsandkeepers.com/)
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Welllll, it did say "For the gals" in the subject line, sooooooo.... you were warned... ;)
Now that I think about it, I never did pay any attention to those "wet paint" signs on park benches either. :( ;)
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It was David's vagina that led him here. ::)
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YIKES! :o
But I'm gonna get the hell out of here just in case it wasn't funny.
Like Melissa already said: you were warned ;D.
Barb, when I read the topic, my first thoughts went to various cleansing agents. And I thought WTF? Why only for the gals? ::) But the first sentence of the letter made it all clear... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
That was really funny.
Le: your reply came in as I was typing: yup. Maybe she tells him a thing or two about having a period :-X
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That was funny, Barb! :laugh:
On a more serious note, while we're on the subject of feminine hygiene products, I'd like to recommend a product that I first tried five or six years ago and now recommend to all of the (pre-menopausal) women I know. It has made my life SO much easier ...
http://www.mooncupsandkeepers.com/ (http://www.mooncupsandkeepers.com/)
Katherine
Are you serious? Are they for real? OMG! LMAO!
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That was funny, Barb! :laugh:
On a more serious note, while we're on the subject of feminine hygiene products, I'd like to recommend a product that I first tried five or six years ago and now recommend to all of the (pre-menopausal) women I know. It has made my life SO much easier ...
http://www.mooncupsandkeepers.com/ (http://www.mooncupsandkeepers.com/)
When first using The Moon Cup / KEEPER™ menstrual cup, you may be slightly aware of its presence. After you use it for a few periods, you will find – as thousands of other women have found – that you "wouldn't know how to live without it!"
Well, that comes awfully close to saying "Have a Happy Period...." :-\
:laugh:
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It was David's vagina that led him here. ::)
:laugh: :laugh:
>:( >:(
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Katherine
Are you serious? Are they for real? OMG! LMAO!
Well, that comes awfully close to saying "Have a Happy Period...." :-\
Geri, yes I'm serious! And Melissa, "happy" probably wouldn't be the first word I'd use. But vastly improved, for sure. :D
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I've seen these - they are real.
boys.. don't read further!!!!
Meant to be very good - partic if you are travelling. and its cheaper and environmentally friendly. From my point of view - the one thing that has always put me off is that I find tampons a little uncomfortable sometimes so am assuming this would be the same.
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& don't even go there if you have what could be termed a substantial flow (trying to keep the terminology appropriate for mixed company).
:laugh: at the letter! We have come a long way from the days when it was not talked about at all but that is taking the marketing bull**** to a whole new level.
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I'll never forget the first time I saw a tampon. I was about 5 or 6 years old at the time, and it was laying in the trash can in my parent's bathroom. I saw the little string on the end and I thought it was some kind of whistle.
We don't need to take this any further do we? :P
But, when Mom saw me trying to blow through it, she slapped it out of my mouth. I was a VERY curious child with an incredible imagination.
The innocence of childhood. ::)
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That was funny, Barb! :laugh:
On a more serious note, while we're on the subject of feminine hygiene products, I'd like to recommend a product that I first tried five or six years ago and now recommend to all of the (pre-menopausal) women I know. It has made my life SO much easier ...
http://www.mooncupsandkeepers.com/ (http://www.mooncupsandkeepers.com/)
It looks interesting. I might give it a try. Thanks, Katherine!
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On another board I go to, cups are apprently very popular in Europe. It sounded kind of gross to me, but then what about a period isn't gross? :P
The story was hysterical. Yep, ripping out the utereus - my thoughts turn instead to seppuku aka hari kiri, or loading up the old shotgun and going to the last person who pissed me off and - and - and I don't know, but it won't be pretty. :P
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I especially enjoyed how the writer suggested "Put Down The Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter is Not Right" as better options for what to put on the self-adhesive strip thingy.
As much as I hate it when the male of our species ventures, foolishly, to say something like "What are you - on the rag?" or "Is it that time of the month again?" (My husband especially likes to go around the house singing "Living in a Period World - PER-I-OD!" to the tune of Madonna's "Material World" and/or refer to my state of mind at that time as "Barb's Periodic Effects"), the truth is that without self-medication of any kind, I feel as though I'm about to come right out of my skin the week before my Monthly Visitor arrives. I've learned to temper it over time, but every now and then, I can't conceal it, and so, when Ed says, "Barbara...?" from the other room for the umpteenth time about NOTHING, he's no longer surprised when it's answered with a blood-curdling
WHA - AAAT???
"Put Down The Hammer." Now, that's funny.
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I have dealt with all of the, ahem, issues that you mention -- guys, I really hope you've all bailed by now -- David? :laugh: -- and had no problems at all. I was used to tampons before I got a Keeper, but I found the Keeper more comfortable than tampons. The one thing is, they come with a rubber stick on them for pulling the thing out. That can poke you, so you have to cut it off. Or at least, I did. After that, it was fine.
Gross? Yeah, I guess a little bit. But like you said, Del, it's pretty hard to avoid grossness altogether in that department.
On the plus side: As you said, Kelda, they're great for traveling -- if your period is coming up, you have only one little thing to pack instead of a big box. If you've already got your period, well, you're already carrying it! :laugh: You don't have to worry about always having supplies with you wherever you go. You don't have to worry about properly disposing of anything. And you save money and help the environment.
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I'll never forget the first time I saw a tampon. I was about 5 or 6 years old at the time, and it was laying in the trash can in my parent's bathroom. I saw the little string on the end and I thought it was some kind of whistle.
We don't need to take this any further do we? :P
But, when Mom saw me trying to blow through it, she slapped it out of my mouth. I was a VERY curious child with an incredible imagination.
The innocence of childhood. ::)
:laugh: ;D Innocence of childhood indeed. lol..
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I am chagrined to have to tell my sisters that it's quite possible to be well into your 50s and still be having to grapple with these issues!! So, don't just assume that this will just be a memory by that time!!
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When I found myself envying friends who'd had hysterectomies, I thought I'd better take some action -- short of surgery, of course. So I started taking Seasonique, that BC pill that reduces your periods to just a few a year. I've only been on it a couple of weeks, so it's too soon to tell, but I'll let you all know how it works.
Have I reached the TMI point yet? ::)
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Hey, if the guys are still reading this, they have only themselves to blame. :)