Author Topic: *Slightly* OT Confessions: How Much is TOO MUCH Before You'd QUIT Someone?  (Read 17930 times)

dmmb_Mandy

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Well, a relationship got "too much" for me, but I don't think I realized it until much later...

I was with a guy for a year, and he treated my quite terribly, not so bad at first, but it got pregressively worse. I thought I loved him, so I took it. At least I learned something from it. But it got so bad that he made me feel like every little thing that went wrong for him was my fault. Looking back at it now, I can see little things that indicate that it really was too much, especially emotionally, but I couldn't see that then, and I guess Jack was in a similar situation; he loved Ennis so damn much. For example, one night we were sleeping at his place and he had left the window open, and it started pouring raining out and the rain got in on everything: his TV, his computer, important documents on his desk..etc. He woke up and started freaking out. He was so mad. When I awoke, I didn't know what was going on, and my first reaction to his anger was "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!". I just blurted it out, almost instinctively. I didn't even know what I was appologizing for, and of course it was in no way my fault. I wish I had noticed things like this while we were still together and before he had the chance to break my heart. But I've learned from it and am grateful for that much. I know it doesn't completely relate to the "too much" that Jack endured, but nonetheless..

Offline Chanterais

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Whoa, Scott, that's a doozy of a story.  I've had a similar experience with the deal-breakers like you describe.  Not UFOs, but those moments when someone seemingly-normal comes out with something so awful that you're not sure whether to laugh or cry. 

My own line comes when I was dating a very nice fellow who very responsibly owned up that he had gonorrhea just as we were getting friendly.  I wish I could have been more understanding, but you know, the clap isn't really something I look for in a potential mate.  Next.

Offline delalluvia

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Too painful to discuss.  I never quit them, they quit me first in rather horrendous acts of betrayal then came crawling back - wanting to 'be friends' to either fill in the gaps in their social schedule in between times with their new lovers or to fulfill the other needs their new loves weren't providing.

I don't know, I didn't bother to invite them back into my life to find out which it was.

Offline David

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Try about 25 years too much..

   I was Jack Twist and had a married Ennis in my life.    Just like the movie, we met very young.  We were 16 yrs old.    We even shared a tent scene of our own.   I kid you not.     Here we are over 20 years later, he is married with kids, and I thought I was just his friend at this point.   But after seeing BBM,  I realized that I was still carrying a torch for him.   So the only cure for me was to bring him to see the movie with me.    He was shocked.  He said it was amazingly similar to our lives.   BUT he said, that part of his life was behind him now and he had no emotional attachment to me as anything but a close friend.   Those were hard words to hear, but they made my decision all the more easier to "quit him".    So I told him that much like Jack Twist, I needed to move on and find my Randall to ranch up with.    That was March 1st.   I haven't looked back since.

     

Offline twistedude

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My first husband moved out on me one day, without a word. I didn't even know he was unhappy! Nine months later, he came around, and wanted to move back in. "Hey, I don't even know why you left! Why should I let you back in?" I said.

We now both live in Berkeley (we livvd in Chicago), and until husband #2 kicked him out one night (without my knowing it!) we had become good friends...

Never did find out why he left. I know, women lack curiosity...
"We're each of us alone, to be sure. What can you do but hold your hand out in the dark?" --"Nine Lives," by Ursula K. Le Guin, from The Wind's Twelve Quarters

Offline chefjudy

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well my story is sad, but long past, so I neither dwell on it or carry any baggage - after all how much excessive drinking, physical, sexual and mental abuse, not to mention whoring around can the average person withstand?  I made it for 10 years and three children but I literally got to the point where the pain no longer was an issue - survival was.  I had gone through so much including a miscarriage at the same time that he was paying for an abortion for his psycho girl friend and I listened to his lies about love but I made the effort to get away and I did.  It took a few years but I finished college, worked in both the food industry and doing accounting, and raised the kids.  Now when I do take the time to reflect, I wonder how I did it.  But I do not bear hard feelings or bitterness and the kids turned out ok - they are close to both of us. It is he who will have nothing to do with me now - I know we will never be friends, but I thought after our youngest daughter's wedding a couple of years ago and he actually spoke to me after 20 years that maybe, we could at least be cordial.  But it is not to be - the irony of all this:  his health has really suffered after all the drinking which caused adult onset diabetes and all of its complications like poor/failing eyesight, extremely bad circulation to the point he can hardly walk, joint problems and he's very obese now.  If there is karma, he is now getting what he deserved.  He is bitter and angry because of all the health issues,  and believe it or not there is a part of me that feels sorry for him - just a little.

How much is too much - depends on who you ask and what they have endured.  In my case, many years ago I made a bad choice and had to live with that. Hindsight says I wouldn't make that same choice if presented now, but how I wish I was that naive 20 year old again............. :)
Judy


"it could be like this, just like this, always......" Jack Twist

Offline Chanterais

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* Adriana searches in vain for the right words.  Proffers just-popped popcorn to Judy.  Pats Judy gently on the shoulder in a gesture of sympathy and solidarity.  Crunches.*

Offline Ray

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These are very honest stories and I admire each one for the up note they finish on.  What doesn't kill us makes us stronger as we're told.

~A good general knows when to retreat~

Offline JennyC

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I admire each one for the up note they finish on.  What doesn't kill us makes us stronger as we're told.


Ditto, what Ray said.  I don't have a story to tell on this subject.  Hope you are in good a relationship now and made peace with the past.

rtprod

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I had no idea how candid everyone would be when I began this thread.  I've just returned and would like to read more here before saying much else, but I am so proud to have all of you, whom I really like so much, tell these stories. 

Just an awesome testament to how much there is between the group.  Amazing, hats off to everyone. 

rt