"Brokeback Fever Pitch," "I 'Cowbot", and other sequels....

[TOoP/Bruce]

by - bjblakeslee 7 hours ago (Fri Apr 28 2006 04:17:02 )   

"The Night of the Beavus" ("The Night of the Lepus"}

Plot Synopsis:

Joe Aguirre's Wyoming ranch is infested with beavers, and he hires Ennis and Jack to act as beaver wranglers and round them up.

He hires a shady city vet named Dr. Balco (Jamie Lee Curtis) to control their reproduction by injecting them with steroids to interrupt their breeding cycle. One of the beavers (whose name is BarriBonzo) bites Ennis. Jack carefully bandages Ennis's hand and Jack tells him "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Jack and Ennis spend the night in a local motel.

The beaver escapes, resulting in a race of man-eating, sheep-killing, psycho-beavers, who have absolutely phemonenal home run stats. When confronted about the environmental damage he has caused, Joe Aguirre says "I don't give a dam" and is suddenly swallowed alive by a giant mutant beaver.

The National Guard is comes to the rescue and nukes the terrorizing beavers.

[TOoP/Bruce]

by - bjblakeslee 7 hours ago (Fri Apr 28 2006 04:18:46 )   

"The Picture Book of Zanian Grey"

Plot Synopsis:

Zanian Grey, a famous cowboy photographer and Native American arts collector, meets Jack Twist. Zanian says he is impressed with Jack's great beauty.

Zanian asks Jack if he would mind if he took some pictures of him while he works. Later, he gives Jack an autographed picture book. The book is entitled, "Sheep Jack - a picture book by Zanian Grey" and on the cover is Jack, shirtless, wearing a black Stetson Resistol, and holding a baby lamb.

Jack swears that he never realized he was quite so good looking. He looks through the book, absent-mindedly holding a mysterious Arapaho charm as he remarks "Friend, I swear by all the gods in heaven I would give my soul to stay like this forever."

As years go by, Jack slips further and further into a life of debauchery. Jack becomes aware that only his picture on the cover of the book ages, but he loves himself with a love that will never grow old.

[TOoP/Bruce]

by - bjblakeslee 7 hours ago (Fri Apr 28 2006 04:20:37 )   

"Blade Wrangler"("Do 'Cowbots Dream of Electric Sheep?")

Plot Synopsis:

Ennis Delmar, a retired cop in San Antonio circa 2019. San Antonio has become a multi-cultural miasma of rain, smog, advertising, and replicants, androids with safety feature built in by the Guirrell Corporation for use in dangerous out-world colonization. The safety feature is a short life span. Replicants are also provided with an individualized base of memories to keep them from going insane.

Delmar formerly held a job in the police unit as a Blade Wrangler, a euphemism for members of the elite detective unit that hunts down and "retires" rogue "skin jobs" - replicants. Delmar is called in by his former boss and forced back into active duty against his will to hunt down the 4 rogue replicants. These replicants led by Bodie have escaped and are arrived on Earth. In their escape, they have murdered several humans.

Delmar finds and eliminates Luraan (Anne Hathaway), a common pleasure unit who is one of his targets. Attacked by another replicant, Leto (Josh Hartnett), Delmar is about to be killed when he's saved by Jack, Guirrell's assistant and a replicant who's unaware of his true nature. Delmar takes Jack back to his apartment, where they have a rough sexual encounter. Delmar falls asleep. Jack softly plays the harmonica as Ennis sleeps. Ennis dreams of sheep running in the mountains. He awakes to find Jack watching over him. Delmar knows that Jack is an unregistered replicant and confronts Jack with the fact that his childhood memories are not his own, but rather Guirrell's nephew's. Jack becomes upset and leaves.

In the meantime, Bodie and his replicant pleasure unit lover, Priq use a dying inventor, J.S. Bach to get close to Guirrell and murder him.

Delmar tracks the pair to Bach's, where a bloody and violent final confrontation between Delmar and Bodie takes place on a skyscraper rooftop in the rain high above San Antonio. Bodie saves Delmar's life before Bodie dies - his life span expired - saying "Time, never enough time..."

Afterward, Delmar is informed by another cop with a flair for origami that one more skin job has gone missing and needs to be retired - Jack.

Returning to his apartment, Delmar (with gun drawn) finds Jack sleeping. Delmar tells Jack, "Wake up. It's time to hit the trail, Cowboy. We don't want to get caught sleepin like horses." They quickly gather their coats and prepare to leave together. Outside his apartment, Delmar finds an origami figure of a sheep. Delmar picks it up, and nods.

Delmar understands now that his fellow cops know the content of his dreams. That means that Delmar was also created by the Guirrell Corporation, and that the cop on the force is giving him the professional courtesy of a headstart before hunting him down - or is he letting him go because both he and Jack are near their expiration date?

Anxiously, Ennis gently embraces Jack in the elevator and whispers something inaudible into Jack's ear. Jack meets Ennis's gaze, and the elevator doors quickly close.

[TOoP/Bruce]

by - bjblakeslee 7 hours ago (Fri Apr 28 2006 04:23:06 )   

"Harold and Claude" (Harold and Maude)

Plot Synopsis:

Living in Riverton, Harold is a 21 year who dresses in goth clothing, wears eye liner, a blue mohawk haircut, and is completely covered in morbid tattoos. He is utterly obsessed with death, and enjoys going to funerals for entertainment. In front of his mother, he fakes several suicides. Harold's mother is becoming somewhat blasé about the whole thing. She tells him, "when your done hanging around, I'd like you to get ready for dinner."

At a particularly large, enjoyable funeral, Harold meets Claude, an 89 year old man who has a passion for many of the same things Harold does. They are both big Ramones, and Sex Pistols fans. They continue to go to funerals together, swapping Twizzler candies, and begin see each other often. Harold learns many things from Claude about living and the rich, exciting possibilities that life can offer.

Harold's mom tries to set him up with a girlfriend (one of whom is Jenny Delmar), but Harold freaks every candidate out by staging elaborate fake suicides in front of each them. When that plan doesn't work, she encourages him to joining the military, but Harold is totally upfront about being gay, and the military doesn't want him. On a canoe outing on the river, Harold tells Claude that he is in love with him and he wants to move someplace where they can marry. Harold offers Claude a ring. Claude kisses the ring, throws it into the water, and tells Harold that way he can never lose it, "That way, I'll always know where it is." Harold spends the night at Claude's house, and they sleep together. In bed, we see that Claude's arms and body are also covered in similar tattoos.

Harold surprises Claude with a birthday party on the evening before he is to turn 90. Smiling and seeming to beam with pride, Claude thanks him and tells him that a birthday party is perfect way to say goodbye, because he will not be turning 90 - and he has already taken enough pills to kill a rhinosceros.

[TOoP/Bruce]

by - bjblakeslee 7 hours ago (Fri Apr 28 2006 04:24:45 )   

"Ranchero Man" (Rashomon)

Plot Synopsis:

"Ranchero Man" opens with a construction worker, a pentecostal minister, and a young housewife hiding out from torrential rain under a roadside picnic shelter outside of Signal, Wyoming. They wait for the weather to clear and talk about a local murder.

We gradually learn that a man named Joe Auguirre met two young ranch workers. Aguirre lusted after the ranch hand named Ennis and apparently raped him. Or was it simply a consensual act?

Ennis vanished and was later found hiding in a local church as he was heaving his guts out. Jack was found dead, and police arrested Joe Aguirre with items belonging to Ennis and Jack in his possession. So, just how did Jack die? Was it a tire-iron murder? Did Jack commit suicide? Was it an accidental tire rim explosion? Or did Jack die in self-defense as he struggled to protect Ennis from the attack by Joe Aguirre?

In courtroom flashbacks, Joe Auirre gives his version of events, then Ennis gives his laconic testimony, and an FBI crime profiler testifying regarding Jack's state of mind speaks. All the stories differ greatly from one another, and the truth is nearly impossible to sort out. Finally, at the wayside, the construction worker accuses them all of lying and tells one more version of the story. But the construction worker is a liar as well, for he too has taken something that may have belonged to Jack.

Then just as the pentecostal minister despairs at how all mankind has earned eternal damnation, and how they will never know the truth, they are startled to hear crying in the woods and find a motherless bear cub.

[TOoP/Bruce]

by - bjblakeslee 4 hours ago (Fri Apr 28 2006 07:12:06 )   

"Bringing Up Bucky"

Plot Synopsis:

The lives of Ennis Delmar and Jack Nasty collide and proceeds to become a star-crossed lovers in this rapid-paced fiasco of hilarious proportions.

Ennis Delmar is the stuffy rancher/museum worker who is almost finished with an exhibit featuring Wyoming dinosaurs and he needs to land a 1 billion grant for the Signal County Wildlife Museum. He is also engaged to Alma to who he is to be married tomorrow.

While playing golf, Delmar, trying to finesse the grant, is spotted by Jack Nasty who decides that he has just met his life partner - his soulmate - and will do absolutely anything to hook Ennis. Jack tries to run him over to see if that will get his attention.

Jack uses his bean-eating pet panther, Bucky, to trick Ennis into driving to Childress. Bucky enjoys harmonica music and the song "Water Walkin' Jesus" which calm him down when he gets agitated. In Childress, a dog snatches the last bone Ennis needs to complete the Wyoming dinosaur skeleton. (Looks like the wedding will be delayed...)

Of course, a vicious man-eating panther escapes from a traveling circus and Bucky is mistaken for it, leading Delmar and Jack into a series of utterly idiotic, senseless maneouvers to save Bucky from the authorities. They take time to set up camp for the night and reprise the camp scenes from BBM - this time with jack doing the flipping. Later, Jack accidentally burns Ennis's boot, leaving him to traipse around with one bare foot through the Texas countryside.

Ennis and Jack end up in the local jail in the same cell and they bicker about who will get the top bunk. Jack pretends to be a hitman for the Gay Mafia to and implicates Ennis as well.

Naturally, Ennis calls the wedding off to Alma, and Ennis and Jack end up together, and what happened to the panther?

[TOoP/Bruce]

by - bjblakeslee 4 hours ago (Fri Apr 28 2006 07:15:27 )   

"Run Alma Run"

Plot Synopsis:

Inventive thriller which begins with Alma witnessing her husband's reunion with Jack and the shocking kiss they share in the yard and on the stairs.

Desperate, Alma takes off and robs a bank in a desperate cry for attention. She feels angry and rejected, and is looking to do something big, loud, and stupid enough to make the evening news. She holds up a supermarket, shoots Monroe, and she is then shot by the cops.

Then, the story begins anew with different outcomes.

In one version, Lola grabs a gun kills her wounds her husband and forces Jack into a car where she demands he impregnate her before she kills him.

In another, she slaps Ennis in the face, spits on Jack Nasty and takes the truck to go into town and file for divorce.

In another, she pretends she saw nothing and cries after he leaves.

In the last one, the three of them - Alma, Jack, and Ennis - all live together happily ever after with Jack as their babies'

[TOoP/Bruce]

by - bjblakeslee 4 hours ago (Fri Apr 28 2006 07:19:24 )   

"Rainbow Pride and Prejudice"

Plot Synopsis:

Mr Aguirre is in the sheep livestock trade in Signal Wyoming with his overbearing wife. He is a closeted gay man, who is stunned to realize that all five of his sons have also grown up to be gay.

The Auirre's have 5 sons; the beautiful Jared, the clever Leon, the bookish Marcus, the immature Caleb, and the wild Logan. Unfortunately for the Aguirres, if Joe Aguirre dies their house will revert to distant uncle who holds the title, so the the Aguirre family must arrange good gay marriages for their sons.

Life is ordinary until the arrival in the town of the wealthy Mr Jakov Gyllenbuuk, who rents a huge horse ranch so he can summer in the American west.

Jakov Gyllenbuuk brings with him his transexual sister Magi Gyllenbuuk and the fabulously wealthy Australian outback ostrich rancher, Mr Hethe Légend.

Love is in the air for one of the Aguirre boys, while another son finds he may have shot his gun prematurely. For the Aguirre boys there are many bumps in the road to self-actualization, acceptance, and fullfillment, including marginal education, rumors of their sexuality, acne, and a scandalous videotaped encounter.

[TOoP/Bruce]

by - bjblakeslee 4 hours ago (Fri Apr 28 2006 07:21:30 )   

UPDATED Fri Apr 28 2006 07:29:07
"The Powerpuff Cowgirls" (Pawapafu Garuzu)

Plot Synopsis:

"Saving the world before hitting the bedrolls!"

In the town of Riverton, Professor Entonium Delmar prepares to make a perfect girl in his trailer laboratory (sugar, spice, everything nice, and a little curl right in the middle of a forehead).

His lab assistant, a monkey named Nono, accidentally spills Element Q to the mix. There is huge explosion. Professor Delmar finds himself the father of three perfect, powerful little dyke girls, and the little monkey Nono has disappeared.

It soon becomes obvious that Alma Jr, Jenny, and Boomka are not normal heterosexual girls, they have lesbian superpowers that Professor Delmar must teach them to control and use for the common good. The are too much for Professor Delmar to hand alone, and he calls on his special friend Jack to help out. The girls all love "Uncle Jack" and ask the Professor if he can stay forever and ever? The professor tells them that he thinks his bedroll is big enough to share with Uncle Jack, and Uncle Jack sure seems excited to be invited!

The girls are not well liked in school because they wrecked Riverton in a superpowered game of lesbian tag. The monkey Nono didn't die in the explosion. He becomes a homophobochimp named Homo No No and he tricks the girls into a plan to take over Riverton. As the girls foil this threat and defeat an army of superpowered homophobomonkeys, the Powerpuff Cowgirls learn that with great girl power comes great responsibility. They help to defeat Homo No No and restore gay pride to Riverton.

[TOoP/Bruce]

by - bjblakeslee 4 hours ago (Fri Apr 28 2006 07:36:58 )   

"Touched by Cowboy Angels"

Plot Synopsis:

Gay angel cowboys are dispatched from gay heaven to inspire gay people who are at crossroads in their gay lives. Ennis, a gay angel cowboy who is new to all this and needs a lot of gay supervision, reports to Jack, his virile, wise-cracking, super-hot, gay angel cowboy supervisor.

Joining them is crusty but lovable Joe, who, in addition to his job as an "Iceman", helps out as a gay angel cowboy caseworker (who struggles with his own gay self-acceptance issues) on various assignments to help gay people in trouble when the plot gets shorthanded. The gay angel cowboys may not bring answers to every problem, but gay angel cowboys always deliver a inspiring message of gay God's hope for mankind.