"Brokeback Fever Pitch," "I 'Cowbot", and other sequels....

[TOoP/Bruce]

by - bjblakeslee 4 hours ago (Fri Apr 28 2006 07:40:13 )   

UPDATED Fri Apr 28 2006 08:30:52
"The Next Gay Karate Cowboy Kid"

Plot Synopsis:

Julie Jr. (Dakota Fanning) is being bullied by boys at school who are picking on her for being a lesbian. Mr Delmiyagi (Ken Watanabe) becomes something of a father figure to her and helps Julie learn better living through self-awareness and the mulitple repetition of katas. Julie Jr. learns the crane, the driver punch, the tiger kick, and the Delmiyagi family kata. These come in handy at school so that Julie can now focus on her studies with fewer interruptions. A spinning back kick is particularly effective at quieting a rowdy study hall.

The local preacher tries to hit on Mr Delmiyagi, but Delmiyagi wants no part of him. To save face, the preacher condemns Delmiyagi from the pulpit, saying he hates the sin, but God loves the sinner. Delmiyagi tells the preacher that he has already availed himself of the opportunity of sinning with a much better class of sinner than the preacher will ever belong to.

Back at his trailor, Delmiyagi opens his closet and has another touching discussion about what he felt he should have done and what he couldn't do for Jack. Again he reprises his line, "Jack, I swear..."

Mr Delmiyagi has the final fight with a homophobic preacher who declares God will help him win this fight against the heathen infidel Mr Delmiyagi. God is apparently not taking any calls, because Delmiyagi easily kicks him in the teeth, whips his butt, and stuffs the book of Leviticus into the preacher's mouth. The preacher then tries to declare a moral victory, but then his secretary comes foreward at the last minute with a list of the nasty websites the preacher has been logging on to in the church's office.

[TOoP/Bruce]

by - bjblakeslee 3 hours ago (Fri Apr 28 2006 08:25:54 )   

UPDATED Fri Apr 28 2006 08:28:13
"Castratinova"

Plot Synopsis:

Castratinova was the world's most notorious seducer of men to emasculate. A swordsman with a rapier wit and a flair for disguise - it was often said that no mere man could resist Castratinova's charms when it came to convincing a fellow to part with his manhood. Castratinova has left many a broken heart and several altered parts along the way. It is rumoured that he onced finessed a Bishop of Rome out of his manhood, purely on a bet. His seductions are the stuff of legend!

For the first time in his life, the legendary Castratinova (Heather Ledger) is about to meet his match with an alluring Venetian guy named Frank (Jake Gyllenhaal), who does the one thing he never thought possible: he tells him flat out that he doesn't want to be castrated, and that if there is any cutting to be done, Frank will be the one doing the cutting, thank-you very much.

Castratinova charms, concocts, connives, lies, and schemes in a hilarious effort to seduce Frank into willingly handing over his manhood to him. Somehow through it all, Castratinova loses his heart to Frank.

Can Castratinova get Frank to give him the two things he desperately needs from him? – Castratinova's reputation and very life are on the line.

[TOoP/Bruce]

by - bjblakeslee 3 hours ago (Fri Apr 28 2006 08:29:59 )   

"Brokebackdraft"

Plot Synopsis:

As a child Ennis Delmar watched his firefighter father die. Years later he joins his old sheep herding buddy Jack who also becomes a shepherd firefighter. Things get really hot as they as they practice handling hoses, and shower with the Baldwin brothers.

Several suspicious fires involving the spontaneous combustion of sheep occur, each one designed to murder someone and burn all the evidence.

Ennis finagles an office job and finds that instead of putting out fires, he is now in charge of setting them.

[TOoP/Bruce]

by - bjblakeslee (Thu Apr 27 2006 13:33:56 )  Ignore this User | Report Abuse 
 
"I, 'Cowbot"

PLOT SYNOPSIS:

Set in Signal, Wyoming in 2035, where cowbots are worker drones, ranch stiffs, and sexual pleasure units for their wealthy human owners, this is the story of "homocowbotophobic" Wyoming Police Detective Ennis Delmar's investigation into the murder of Dr. Joe Aguirre, who works at U.S. Homocowbotics located deep in the foothills of Brokeback Mountain, in which a homosexual cowboy robot (a "homocowbot" or 'cowbot for short), Cowbot:JQ, appears to be implicated, even though that would mean the 'cowbot had violated the Three Laws of Homocowbotics, which simply isn't countenanced in polite Wyoming society.

Despite Detective Ennis Delmar's initial unease around Cowbot:JQ, there is an attractive and nurturing quality about Cowbot:JQ that Ennis finds both unsettling and compelling. Ennis finds himself irresistably drawn in to a world he never expected (or for that matter, even knew existed) - a world of homocowboterotica.

Delmar schedules a secret relationship with Cowbot:JQ that spans 20 years, until one fateful day when Ennis receives a letter from U.S. Homocowbotics that the company has been bought out by a huge Mexican conglomerate, and the pleasure unit Cowbot:JQ has an expired warrantee and will no longer be available for service.

But if you can't fix it, you gotta stand it...


Just as a review, here are Dr. Aguirre's Three Immutable Laws of Homocowbotics:

1) A homocowbot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

2) A homocowbot must obey orders given to it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

3) A homocowbot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

If a 'cowbot can break those laws, what is to stop them from taking over the world, as humans have grown to become completely dependent upon their 'cowbots?

 Shoot as fast as lightnin' but it loads a mite slow... 

[TOoP/Bruce]

by - bjblakeslee (Tue May 9 2006 09:51:24 )  Ignore this User | Report Abuse 
 
UPDATED Wed May 17 2006 04:24:49 

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"The Lambda/Omega Man"("The Last Man on Earth"/"The Omega Man")

Plot Synopsis:

Following bacterialogical warfare between Pakistan and India, Ennis Delmar lives in a trailer in Riverton pretty much as he always has--keeping pretty much to himself. He keeps a special antidote to the bacterium in a special hiding place only he knows of. Ennis and his friend Jack seem to be the only people immune to the bacterium.

During the day, Ennis and Jack have the city pretty much to themselves and they rummage for groceries at the Piggly Wiggly. Jack complains that the store never has the kind of soup they want. Ennis tells him that Piggly Wiggly has a great selection of tinned beans.

Once night falls, mobs of mutant zombie/vampires dressed to the nines in designer clothes troll the streets like urban party-monsters. The audience knows they are all mutants, because they are albino and have white eyes which they protect by wearing Oakley sunglasses.

Ennis must protect the serum from being destroyed by the other mutants, and his friend Jack who is dependent on the serum helps him. Armed only with tire-irons, Ennis and Jack must try to slay as many of the mutants as they can during the day when the mutants sleep.

Then one day, Jack shows up wearing Oakley sunglasses...

 Shoot as fast as lightnin' but it loads a mite slow... 

[TOoP/Bruce]

 
 by - bjblakeslee (Tue May 9 2006 10:28:45 )  Ignore this User | Report Abuse 
 

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"The Illustrated Cowboy"(The Illustrated Man)

Plot Synopsis:

Traveling and camping in the country, Jack Twist meets a cowboy whose body seems to be wholly covered in a tangled knarl of intricate tattoo inkwork.

The man is looking for the woman who drew all over him, because he says her artistry has ruined his life. The man does not say how. We get the idea the man is looking to for her because he wishes to kill her when he meets up with her.

Jack and the mysterious illustrated cowboy share drinks, and eventually the mysterious stranger takes off his clothes to show Jack his intricate illustrations in the light of the dying campfire. A couple of drinks later, and the man passes out for the night.

Jack watches over the man as he sleeps, and discovers that each of the mysterious man's tattoos comes to life as he stares at it and concentrates.

Each tattoo reveals a bizarre futuristic story as Jack watches over him.

The first story is "I, 'Cowbot."

 Shoot as fast as lightnin' but it loads a mite slow... 

[TOoP/Bruce]

by - bjblakeslee (Tue May 9 2006 05:19:08 )  Ignore this User | Report Abuse 
 

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"The Cowboy Dreamers" (The Dreamers)

Plot Synopsis:

Left alone with their parents long ago deceased, Eve Delmar and her brother KC invite Jack Twist, a young rodeo bull rider, to stay at their farmhouse. Jack figures out that the pair are the brother and sister of Ennis Delmar, but he chooses not to tell them about his relationship with their brother Ennis. The turbulent evening news reports of the massacre at Kent State University and the atrocities of the Viet Nam war are a backdrop to the story.

They experiment with their sexualities while escalating a series of increasingly complex and bizarre sexual mind games to see just how far each will go -- Jack with Eve, Jack with KC, Jack with Eve and KC, Eve and KC with Jack watching. Just when all possible permutations of the relationships have been explored, Jack seeks something more relevant to do with his life and goes off to join a peace march.

[TOoP/Bruce]

by - bjblakeslee (Tue May 9 2006 08:35:11 ) 

"Beyond the Big Valley of the Cowboy Dolls"(The Valley of the Dolls)

Plot Synopsis:

Ennis Delmar leaves Riverton after divorcing Alma and being served with a restraining order, and he heads for Hollywood where he lands a job as both a Hollywood stuntman and an animal trainer. He takes a couple of friends under his wing: Jack Twist, the man he spent the summer with up on Brokeback Mountain, and Randall Malone. Jack is a good-looking and eager young man who wants to be taken seriously as an actor in westerns, but his past adventures in making adult movies is widely rumored in the casting department. Randall Malone is an actor whose ambition to get ahead in Hollywood knows no boundaries, perhaps including murdering the leading actor in the film he has a small part in...

[TOoP/Bruce]

by - bjblakeslee (Tue May 9 2006 09:35:43 )  Ignore this User | Report Abuse 
 

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"GLAADiator"

Plot Synopsis:

After the suspicious death of Roman emperor Marjocus Agguierius, his trusted and successful general Ennemas Delmaridas is falsely imprisoned and condemned to the GLAADiator games by Marjocus' twisted son Comedius.

If Ennemas were to actually become Emperor, Comedius fears Ennemas could use his popularity to Enimas'own advantage and depose Comedius. Jackius Nasticus, Comedius's brother, once had a long term relationship with Ennemas, and seeks to have Comedius killed, himself installed Emperor, and Ennemas made Emperor's consort.

But Maximus gains fame as a GLAADiator and uses his gay notoriety to cause further damage to Comedius' tenuous hold on governing Rome. Ennemas hopes to inspire all of Rome to rediscover a lost sense of innocence and wonder.

Comedius takes on Ennemas in a fight to the death in the Colisseum with Rome's future hanging in the balance. Can Ennemas this work this gig to his own advantage, or does Comedius stay Emperor?

[TOoP/Bruce]

by - bjblakeslee (Tue May 9 2006 13:02:19 )  Ignore this User | Report Abuse 
 
UPDATED Mon May 15 2006 04:21:22 

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"Ennis and Jack: A Close Shave" (Wallace and Gromit: A Close Shave / Chicken Run)

Plot Synopsis:

Brokeback Claymation!

Mrs. Joe Aguirre decides to automate the woolie business, turn the sheep into haggis, and harvest the wool all in one go. She builds a special factory to "process" the sheep.

It's a grand day out, and Ennis and Jack are playing in their tent. One night a large mechanical sheep harvesting device sucks them up into the device and transports them back to the factory to be harvested with the rest of the sheep. They dress in such a rush, they have on the wrong trousers.

Once inside the factory, Ennis and Jack must dodge all sorts of outlandish devices designed to shave, disembowl, skin, and process the hapless sheep into frozen haggis pie-treats and woolen pullovers! Both Ennis and Jack survive the journey through the machine, but they come out shaved completely bald, naked, and processed into bakery that is ready to cook. In a neat pile from another chute, two small knitted pullovers -- one blondish, one brunette -- are carefully ejected into a neatly folded pile.

Shaking off their pastry shells, Ennis and Jack return inside the device to sabotage the equipment and save the sheep!